All right, fine. Sweeps-a-licious stuff is allegedly happening on GH these days, so let's take a look.
Alexis and Julian are in some hideous purple office, and then we cut to Maxie and some guy (is this Dillon?) in the hideously purple Haunted Star, and then we cut to Lulu and Laura in a room decorated with way too much purple. Seriously, what the hell is going on with the purple?
Sonny's reaching for a pitcher of coffee and accidentally knocks in over because wheelchair, and I'm going to hell because I laughed, right there, right out loud, yes I did.
Apparently Sonny lost custody of his daughter and it's Carly's fault. Carly, meanwhile, is stopping by Liz's house (which is mostly shades of rust and shockingly little purple). She needs Jason to go tell Sonny that he's Jason.
Oh wait, nope, there's purple in her couch cushions! Carly whines at Jason some more about how he needs to help her.
Franco and Nina are talking about -- oh for fuck's sake FRANCO IS WEARING PURPLE. (Listen, I'm super sorry if I'm an asshole and purple is, like, the official "thank you veterans" color today on Veterans' Day and this is a really lovely thing, but if that's the case I'm completely unaware.)
Alexis, who isn't just wearing a purple jacket but also purple eyeshadow, is telling Julian about how Sonny's family means everything to him (which it totally does except for when he repeatedly makes choices that get his family shot and/or imprisoned or, like, murdering his adopted son's father).
Laura is surprised to learn that Dante slept with Valerie, and Lulu is very upset that Dante would just grab "any warm body" to sleep with to make himself feel better, as if Valerie was a homeless stranger Dante found on a nearby bench.
Something something something about Dillon's film and "there isn't going to be any film," which I suppose is as good a cliffhanger as any right before a commercial break. I mean how could anyone not stick around to find out more?! This is very upsetting to Maxie, who was apparently going to be in the film? She's pursuing acting now?
Liesl shows up at Franco's and her coat is a very pale purple and makes Franco's shirt look a little more blue. He wants her to give him his job back as an art therapist WAIT A MINUTE WHAT?? So now a serial killer is an art therapist so, you know, cool. Liesl says he'll need to have a psychological evaluation, which seems reasonable.
Laura wants Lulu to consider maybe not jumping the gun about a divorce right away.
Carly and Jason show up to tell Sonny that Jason is Jason or whatever, because everyone is very worried about Sonny and it'll probably make him feel a little less sad about his wheelchair if he knew that his favorite assassin is really alive and still doesn't remember him!