Donna Martin Nauseates
On SoapNet, they repeatedly air a commercial for Beverly Hills 90210 during pretty much every commercial break that talks about the many hairstyles of Donna Martin. It goes something like
Her high school hair was long and blonde. Her sorority hair was short and platinum. As a career woman, she's painting the town red
Nowhere in the commercial do they state that Tori Spelling got horrifically ugly with each hairstyle. Unless they thought it was patently obvious and didn't need to be mentioned.
When 90210 first premiered, I figured that Donna would be my favorite character. I wasn't allowed to watch the show because it was "too racy for a seven year old" (what Puritans I lived with! I also wasn't allowed to listen to New Kids on the Block), so I got all of my scoop from Teen Bob magazines borrowed from friends and I found out that Tori Spelling had my birthday and was exactly ten years older than me. Awesome! She also seemed normal looking from the pictures in the magazines which featured trick photography or her face obscured by Blossom hats, big hair and/or sunglasses, like so:
But as I matured, I grew more aware of the lies Hollywood was selling me, like how Tori didn't get the part of Donna handed to her, despite being the producer's daughter; no, she auditioned under a stage name and got the role! How fortuitous! I don't think "Bitch, please" was in the vernacular at the time, but I know I thought whatever the mid-1990s version of that phrase was.
Ms. Spelling is naturally curly-haired, and before every household in America had a flat-iron, straightening curly hair was tricky, which is why the long, blonde high school hair looks like it hurts. But when she cut it, it didn't get any better and emphasized her...um, unique facial features:
(Before you're all like "But that's a bad angle and expression!", please keep reading and understand that that's one of the more flattering ones)
Apparently, Donna was given a trip to a salon for her gradution present, because she went to college with a short, peroxide 'do
The salon also covers extensive elective surgery from the looks of it, because her entire face is different. The nose is, dare I say, Michael Jackson like, and her cheekbones are frightening.
I also encourage you not to look at the enormous cavern in between her breasts because once you do, you will not be able to stop. Honestly, what is that? Did she have her implants done in a back alley somewhere?
She also began to drop massive amounts of weight, which led to her being a 105 pound nag. Honestly, she nagged everybody, ever, about everything and NOT ONE of them--not the allegedly badass Valerie, not perma bitchfaced Clare, not even Steve (yes, the same Steve who started balding in the second season)--ever said "Why should I listen to you anyway? You're just a virgin who can't go out in public lest children run screaming in the other direction".
Hilariously, it is at this point in fug that Donna was swept off her feet by the hot fireman Cliff, now playing Lucky on General Hospital, who saved her when she and a deer fell down a hill during a fire. That sentence is no more ridiculous than the idea that someone who looks like Cliff would like Donna on a physical level
I'd have an easier time believing him, and a far easier time respecting him, if it had turned out that he was trying to get his freak on with the deer.
She then dyed her hair red and it looked sort of awful short. She went through a period of time when she would scrunch it, and it was so awful that no pictures of it exist; the internet was kind enough to sacrifice all physical evidence of it so that we can keep our sight.
Brian Austin Green hates himself so much in that photo, and I am sure that he needed workers comp to deal with injuries sustained while hugging Tori's rock hard implants.
I have no words to describe that. Whatever that may be. I just...no. As the show ended, David and Donna got married and she actually was able to pass for a human being. Coincidence? I don't think so.
The saddest thing is that none of the above photos even come close to rivalling the horror of Tori Spelling's current look, which works well with her evil skank personality.