I'm a Cheesehead
While I was watching All My Children today, I found myself actually, like, entertained. Who knew that was possible?! I half expected the girl who plays Colby to look straight at the camera and ask, "Did that blow your mind? THAT just happened!"
Because it did! It blew my mind!
For the past few weeks, I had been wrestling with the fact that the show sucks, and the revelation that Puff Taddy killed Madden basically pushed me over the edge. I mean, I know I shouldn't expect anything besides character assassination from the same writers who rewrote Erica's abortion, but honestly! Tad might be a lot of things (self righteous, addicted to sex, off the Atkins diet in a major way), but he's not a murderer.
(And also: Tad wasn't abandoned in the Pine Valley park, you hacks. His father left him in the STATE PARK, INJURED. That's a little bit more traumatizing than being left in the Pine Valley park that's the same size as my car)
So I was all ready to quit this show for good. Like, seriously ready. Even more ready than when Days featured that virtual garden of Eden story.
ME: I'm never watching you again.
AMC: Oh, yeah. Watch this. Colby's going to rule! How you like me now?!
ME: ...damn it.
Now, let me state for the record that I think the very idea of Colby sucks. For starters, I remember when she was born...in May of 1999. This makes her recent Sweet Sixteen party a little befuddling, to say the least. She's also an extremely poorly developed character: hasn't she been on the run with Liza? How did she find the time to become the Pine Valley equivalent of an SNL impersonation of Paris Hilton? Why does she use slang that the world hasn't heard since Poochie appeared on The Simpsons?
Then there's the fact that the actress playing Colby is...um, new to the business. Very new. She gasps at inappropriate times, she pauses and stutters and I think she has a voice modulation disorder of some sort. Truly. But seriously? Today? When she decided to screw her sister-in-law and the aborted fetus with one devious lie? I came close to printing up I <3 Colby t-shirts.
It's so awesome that I can't believe these writers actually wrote it:
(1)It shows Babe for the asshole that she really is. Quietly allowing the man she had an affair with come under fire for statutory rape rather than admit that she cheated on her husband? Because God forbid she tell the truth about ANYTHING, ever. Ice cold asshole.
(2)Sure, Josh didn't commit this act of statutory rape, but he did do it in the past. Remember Dani? I know the writers don't, but she does exist and he did take advantage of her while she was underage. The actor also does nothing but clench and unclench his jaw, so I am happy to see his character punished for his inability to emote.
(3)It led to Adam screaming at Babe to shut up. I will be the new best friend of the first person who uploads that to You Tube. Adam has been so un-Adam lately, what with the Cosby sweaters and the Stuartesque messy hair, but that burst of anger was perfect.
The entire thing is--dare I even say it?--deliciously soapy that it actually has me looking forward to seeing how it turns out. I'm envisioning an Erica/Adam throwdown and am giddy in anticipation.