I've Got a Big, Juicy, Dramatic Secret! Oh, My Bad, I Totally Don't.
I don't want to spoil anything for you, but just in case you hadn't heard it when it's been mentioned every seven minutes on the last 15 or so episodes of General Hospital, Elizabeth is pregnant. And it's possible the baby is Jason's, not Lucky's. That last sentence, there? The one that could have created months of decent drama (not great drama, because how played out is "Who's the Daddy," really?)? It's possibly the worst kept secret in the history of deception and therefore yet another blown story opportunity for GH. Let's take a look at who, just a couple of weeks into it, knows this interesting little potentially scandalous paternity tidbit, shall we?
- Liz (of course)
- Dr. Lee (makes perfect sense)
- Jason (well, eventually sure, but the stick had barely turned blue!)
- Sam (okay, there could have been some good dramatic possibilities there)
- Nik (ditto the Sam comment, but the list is getting a bit long here)
- Emily (uh, are the Nik and Em actors dating again? I'm trying to understand the connection, really I am)
- Epiphany (I'm sorry, what now?)
- Carly (you have got to be kidding me)
- Sonny (no, seriously, is this one of those Candid Camera kind of things?)
- Ric (objection, your honor, relevance?)
- Detective Rodriguez (I'm done)
A lot of my eye-rolling is related to the dumbass ways in which the reveals happened. Often it's been a matter of someone overhearing Liz discussing the issue - at full volume - with one of the 234 people in town who already know her "secret," which is of course the fact that she is possibly pregnant by her hitman ex-boyfriend instead of her vicodin-addicted husband. As you do. No, wait, you don't. What the hell? If you were a reasonably intelligent (as evidenced by the RN, not by the sleeping with the hitman) woman and you were in the unfortunate (no judgment!) situation of not knowing who put the bun in your oven, would you be talking about it all over town to the point where people like Carly (for god's sake, Carly) overhear you?
No, no you would not. You would be keeping that to your damned self, though possibly spreading it all over town that your druggie husband was screwing (and possibly impregnating, though I must for my own sanity continue to believe that is a semi-elaborate hoax) the worst character in daytime (who, to add insult to injury, also has terrible hair), mostly in exchange for drugs, in various seedy locations including in your bed. That way when people - through dramatic, long-postponed reveals - discovered your infidelity, you'd come out like the wronged party that you actually are. Instead, if you are Liz as she is currently being written, you are -- before even getting beyond your first trimester -- faced with your impregnator's ex-girlfriend poised to make your husband the twelfth Port Charles resident to know that you cheated on him and maybe got pregnant by someone he views as an enemy. And by the way, even that reveal is playing out as wholly uninteresting. What is wrong with this show's writers, for serious?
Oh, and on a related note, I could write a dissertation trying to understand this phenomenon, but instead I shall ask you, our insightful readers: Why in the f'ing hell are all these women itching to have babies with a brain-damaged mafia hitman? When did "fantastic upper body" and "nice eyes" start trumping "kills people for money or sometimes just for sport and feels no compunction about it whatsoever"?!
-Evil But Twinless