All My Generally Restless Days
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LOS ANGELES--A Kinkos employee has issued a tearful apology to the staff and producers at the daytime divisions of ABC, CBS and NBC for what she calls "a total brain fart".
Jane Doe, 28, was working the night shift at a Los Angeles Kinkos earlier this week when an accident caused a pile of scripts to fall scattered on the floor. She hastily reassembled the scripts, for serialized dramas on the Big 3 networks, in a haphazard order before returning them to the patrons who had ordered copies. Unbeknownst to Doe, the pages of scripts for rival shows wound up mixed in the scripts meant for General Hospital, Days of Our Lives, All My Children and The Young and the Restless.
"I had no idea that it was so many different shows," Doe said in a written statement. "I feel like a moron".
This discovery comes weeks after soap opera insiders expressed confusion over what they perceived to be unusual similarities between the storylines on the separate soaps.
"I was completely dumbfounded," a Young and the Restless writer said Tuesday. "I got a copy of the script that said Greg Madden was going to be killed for the horrible way he played God with embryos and ruined the lives of everyone around her. I figured Lynn [Marie Latham, the show's head writer] hadn't had her caffeine yet when she wrote the script, so I whited Greg Madden out and replaced it with Carmen Mesta, and swapped out the embryo thing for 'habitually dated and extorted money from married men'."
Cast members were similarly relieved to hear the source of the unprecedented screwup. Kristian Alfonso, Days of Our Lives star, said "It was weird that they had Hope questioning whether or not the baby was Bo or Patrick's. Hope and Bo hadn't even been intimate since 2005. But knowing that these lines were actually meant for Liz Spencer on General Hospital, it just makes so much more sense."
A General Hospital cast member, wishing to remain anonymous, agreed. "There were days of scenes where the entire conversation was about what a handsome, virile man Sonny was, but it turns out that these scenes were actually written about James Scott, who plays EJ on Days."
A General Hospital producer chuckles, "The whole thing is such a trip! All My Children got one of our memos about getting rid of veteran cast members to save more money, so they booted Julia Barr! What a crazy turn of events!"
The gaffe lead to multiple storylines concerning the famous Who's the Daddy storyline (All My Children, Days of Our Lives and General Hospital), contrived murder mysteries (All My Children, The Young and the Restless), teen student and college professor dalliances (General Hospital, The Young and the Restless) and even the same pirate Halloween costume for two young characters, The Young and the Restless's Noah Newman and General Hospital's Michael Corinthos (Pictured).
"It was like the same exact show was being aired four times a day. Different character names and sets, but the same stories and dialogue. It was really weird," a soap fan told reporters. "Like one big super soap. Still, it'll be nice to go back to normal and have boardrooms on The Young and the Restless and stillborn teenagers on Days, where they belong."