Jumpin' Jack Flash

Ohmigod, you guys. I am so in love with Peter Bergman that I am thinking of checking myself into a thingy to get the help I so desperately need.

Is it his incredible acting talent? Is it the fact that I've recently overdosed on clips of Cliff and Nina? Is he fact that he manages to make a sort of douchey character somewhat dreamy because of his deep voice and awesome hair? Is it all of the above? I don't know. But I am going to go make t-shirts that say You Can Deliver My Baby, Jack!

Seriously, I hope this child turns out to be Jack's. I don't know why Nick would lie about the paternity test like that, but Lynn Marie Latham has written dumber stories, so that can be explained away. And maybe Phyllis would finally get a piece of humble pie for being such an asshole over the past few months. Sorry, Phyllis, but having pretty hair doesn't mean that you can be a jerk and not even the jerk you were when you first came back to town because that was awesome but just a run of the mill jerk who thinks that bagging a Newman makes you royalty.

As silly as the setup was and as irritating as Phyllis has become, I have to give major love to Peter Bergman (<3) and Michelle Stafford for ruling at life.

Speaking of sad...Brad's turtlenecks. Why? Just...why? It's like wardrobe knows that Don Diamont is limited in terms of acting ability, so they use his clothing to convey the emotions he's too wooden to express. Like, a suit means that he's being cutthroat and business like; being in a black t-shirt means that he's angry and ready to kill someone with his thighs; no shirt means that he's amorous; turtleneck means that he's shy and in love. I don't know. I know on a rational level that the turtleneck is not as offensive as the white button down/black plaid bathmat Sharon is wearing, but it bothers me in a really big way.

Other random thoughts:

I'm not sure what to make of Colleen and The Professor. It's a nice nod to her mom's history, but they don't have the world's hottest chemistry. On the other hand, it's a step up from the anti-chemistry she has with JT, who is the bane of my existence. What will it take for the show to just let him go? He has no ties to the canvas, he's not that attractive, and he's the second worst PI on daytime television. How many more years can he continue to play Genoa City's Professional De-Virginizer?

Colleen is currently the most annoying young girl on the show but damn it, I think I love her. I think it's because she is just so typical of an obnoxious college girl who whines and talks nonstop and whines some more. It's so real!

Maybe Daniel just shouldn't drive ever.

I have never seen The Bold and the Beautiful so I don't know if she worked in that context, but Amber Moore blows. Her voice is annoying, she is sort of useless and she looks like a porn star. Between her bleach hair and her constant blowjob face and Marlena's moans on Days of Our Lives, I am starting to feel uncomfortable watching SoapNet in mixed company.

Really, I am going to start writing Peter Bergman all over my notebooks surrounded by hearts.

-Promising  Ingénue