The Year That Was
2007 is rapidly approaching and we here at Serial Drama have high hopes for the upcoming year of soaps. One of our shows has improved in ways that we didn't even know was possible, and the other soaps can't really get worse than they were in 2006, so that means they have to improve in 2007. It's not exactly warm and fuzzy optimism, but it will do.
The best thing about the end of the year is that, in between making plans for New Year's Eve and writing lists of resolutions you know you won't look at after January 4th, you get to take a look back at the year that was and divide it into a list of Best and Worst. We love lists, especially lists that exist solely for you to be judgmental and bitchy.
So without further adieu...The Best and the Worst of 2006! And please note, this only includes the shows we watch. If you have best and worst thoughts on the other soaps, write them in the comments!
BEST ACTRESS: Nancy Lee Grahn (Alexis, GH)
No matter how terrible the lines written for her are, no matter how many times she has to repeat the same line over and over and over again ("Sam, I don't want you with Jason"), no matter how often every single character is made to say that Alexis is the worst person in the universe, NLG won't let you hate Alexis. She just won't. On the rare days that Alexis isn't the GH punching bag, she makes you laugh; when she's suffering from lung cancer and chemo, she makes you cry. And every single day, she makes you wish that she were on a show that actually deserves her talent.
Runners Up: Alicia Minshew (Kendall, AMC), Victoria Rowell (Dru, Y&R), Alison Sweeney (Sami, Days)
BEST ACTOR: PETER BERGMAN (Jack, Y&R)
I shouldn't go into too much detail, since my obsession with him is bordering on creepy, but: he rules. If he ran for president, I would vote for him. Like NLG, he plays a character that the writers are telling us we just have to hate (for having the nerve to own the company his father created. That bastard!), but he manages to make Jack more awesome than anyone else on the show.
Runners Up: Tony Geary (Luke, GH), Thorsten Kaye (Zach, AMC)
MOST AWESOMELY BAD ACTOR: DRAKE HOGESTYN (John, Days of Our Lives)
Smell the fart. The raised eyebrow. The gruff voice. The fact that he epitomizes the cheesy 80s soapstar. We'd loathe him if he weren't quite so awesomely awful.
WORST CHARACTER IN ALL OF DAYTIME: JOSH, AMC
BEST COUPLE IN ALL OF DAYTIME: Patrick and Robin, GH
How cuuuuuuute are they? Too cute! And too cute to be relegated to the backburner only to be trotted out for three minute long scenes each week. But they even manage to be cute in those three minutes, cuter than anybody else, ever. We totally think they're doing it offscreen.
DREAMIEST ACTOR: Jason Thompson (Patrick, GH)
He was brought on specifically to capture fans of Patrick Dempsey and fashion himself the Dr. McDreamy of GH and it totally, totally worked. True story: EvilButTwinless and I once had a running feud over him and I foolishly agreed to take James Scott (EJ, Days) and allowed her to have Jason Thompson. And now EJ is too evil for me to even have a crush on. I feel so gypped. Also, although the above story says otherwise, we really aren't mentally ill thirteen year old girls.
WORST RECAST: The Revolving Door of Lilys, Y&R
I don't know what goes through the heads of the Y&R producers sometimes. Much like their "Let's take the gem of daytime TV and turn it into a mess!" idea of earlier this year, they had the brilliant idea to fire an awesome actress and replace her with the really really bad actress who had the role first. This is also the show who recasted the brill David Tom with someone decidedly less brill who also suffers from Caveman Face. They would have been better off digitally adding David Tom's face in post-production. Or perhaps introducing a Billy Abbott puppet.
BEST USE OF VETERAN CHARACTERS: Days of Our Lives
I don't think I need to say anything more than: Steve. Kayla. Reunited. EEEEEEE!!!!!
WORST USE OF VETERAN CHARACTERS: GH
Let's see...you bring back Robert Scorpio and turn him into a deadbeat dad (!) who appears onscreen perhaps once a month. You bring Anna Devane back and lure viewers into watching by promising a front burner storyline only to have her disappear after three episodes. You bring back Holly Sutton only to have her be presented as an evil bitch who would allow her beloved former stepdaughter Robin to die of an epidemic, which the real Holly would never, ever do. You bring Laura Spencer back to tell the viewers that Luke wished he had known Tracy noticed him in the 70s. Nice. Really, really nice.
BEST MOMENT OF SONNY HATRED THAT I WANT THE WORLD TO REMEMBER AND RE-READ WHENEVER SONNY IS PROPPED AS THE BEST AND THE BRIGHEST: Edward's rant
"Now, while I wasn't particularly thrilled that my brilliant grandson chose to hide away in a monastary, at least he was alive. No, you and Jason couldn't let him be. You brought Justus back into your chaos and your lifestyle and now he's dead." "Sonny is the core of all the rot that has been spreading in this town since the first day he opened that sleazy strip club and he drugged those girls into taking off their clothes. And he stole Jason. And he took an ambitious and caring young man and turned him into a cold-blooded killer..." "You ruined Justus just like you ruined Karen Wexler, Brenda Barrett and now Emily. So help me God, if anything happens to Emily, I will kill you with my bare hands." "Please. Sonny's protection is less than worthless. You want to know what happened to his first wife, huh? She was blown to bits right in front of his face, with guards all around." "That man is certifiable. He should be committed. Better yet, he should be taken out and shot like the rabid animal that he is."
MOST WTF?! MOMENT IN SOAPS AND PERHAPS HISTORY: Killer Thighs, Y&R
I mean, seriously. I don't know what to make of it. Should the footage be burned or put in the opening credits? Should Don Diamont be tarred and feathered or given an Emmy? I just don't know.
BEST SHOW FROM JANUARY TO AUGUST: The Young and the Restless
The fallout from Nick and Phyllis's affair was fantastic, as was the moment with Nick, Sharon and Brad in the parking garage (What happens when a cheating husband spots his estranged wife in a car getting hot and heavy with his sister's husband? Awesomeness). Epileptic Victor was more entertaining than he had any right to be, and the death of John Abbott was magnificent in a totally tragic way.
BEST SHOW FROM AUGUST TO DECEMBER: Days of Our Lives
Who even knew that this show was capable of greatness? I had written it off years ago, but it's back and it's so fantastic that I actively look forward to it every single day. I want to send Hogan Sheffer a fruit basket.
WORST SHOW: General Hospital
This was a tough call. I mean, obviously, as far as totally being horrendous, All My Children is the worst show on the air, what with the fetus and the babynapping and the Zarf and the killer Tad and the torture and the romance between a murderer and an austistic teenager and more babynapping. AMC blows. But I think GH is even worse, because there are no signs of it ever getting better. AMC can get a new writer (and will, if they know what's good for them) and work through this, but GH has been in the same sucky boat for the past five years. Note to GH show runners: you can't focus a show solely on four characters. As much as you'd like to do nothing but air Sonny, Carly, Jason and Jason's girlfriend, it just won't work. That's not how soaps are. Soaps also aren't about the love lives of murderers and rampant misogyny and a disrespect for core characters and a hatred of the audience. Just thought we'd fill you in.
More end of the year fun to come!