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« Hateration Nation | Main | The Day's Dumbest Dialogue »

January 10, 2007

Jack and Jill Went Up the Hill...

...to fetch a pail of awesome.

Seriously, there are no people on the Y&R canvas as totally awesome as Jack and Jill. No matter what crazy crap the writers throw at them (and the crap is crazy and thrown often), they make it work because they rule.

Which makes it all the more perplexing to me that the writing is so obviously biased against them. Like, take Jill's whole drama with Katherine switching her child at birth. The woman's a little, um, irate about it and people are all up in her business telling her to calm down. !!! I don't have much experience in this arena, but I have a feeling that if I found out that my former enemy/birth mother was once so drunk that she switched my child, I might raise my voice a little bit. Or, you know, try to choke said enemy/mother. Am I wrong? Does that mean I have rage issues? Will I find myself throwing barware at people?! 

And then there was the bizarre Jack and Ashley scene. It was completely and utterly weird. I am fully convinced that Lynn Marie Latham has never watched this show before.

Ashley: Does it ever eat away at you? Do you ever find yourself looking in the mirror and asking yourself, why am I like this? Why am I such a jerk?
Jack: I wouldn't have to act like this if I thought I could count on my sister to keep a secret. If I can't trust you, Ash, who the hell can I trust?
Ashley: I don't wanna lie for you, Jack. I don't wanna lie to anyone for you, especially not to Victor.
Jack: Oh, especially Victor. No, I'm just your brother.
Ashley: He's an old friend!
Jack: Listen to me! What do I have to say to you to convince you I've done what I did to protect us--our family. What, do you want me to go public with the fact that I own Jabot? We would lose the company, Ash.
Ashley: At least we'd have our self-respect. Oh, wait, let me take that back. I would have my self-respect. I don't think you'll ever get that back.

Let's review, just so that I am sure I have my facts straight:

JACK
did some shady business dealings so that he could secretly own the company his FAMILY created and lived for and the only reason he can't do it legally is because his father's wife accidentally killed a woman and in her cruel insanity told the woman's husband to accept a deal with them if only they swore Jack would never own the company. Sure, they don't know that part, but it is important all the same.

ASHLEY
once stole a married man's sperm to impregnate herself.

One more time:

Owning your own company-->Jerky, lacking in self-respect, evil
Stealing someone's sperm--> Dignified, trustworthy

THIS MAKES NO SENSE TO ME.

Perhaps even more confusing is the notion that, somewhere, someone would be interested in a story about Nazis looking for art. What year is this? Am I still in my freshman year art history class? What the hell? The show will be plugging along, making me mad,  and once I get over that, they start talking about the RELIQUARY and now Victor is involved with the search for the RELIQUARY and I become tempted to cannibalize my own brain because it's so stupid and, even worse, boring. Painfully, dreadfully boring.

It got me so angry that I can't even take the time to fully appreciate the brilliance of Michelle Stafford as Phylleila, or mock Paul Williams for being the WORST P.I. EVER, or rejoice over the appearance of Vincent Irrizary as the mysterious David Chow and wonder why someone like him would ever have to slum with a loser like Carmen.

- Promising Ingénue

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