What Just Happened?!
I try not to read spoilers, so imagine my horror when I watched Friday's General Hospital. Did Robin really dump Patrick?! What the hell? I know GH has pacing issues, but Robin and Patrick were blissfully happy a DAY EARLIER! Hotly talking about moving in together, hotly making out, hotly bantering. Then, boom! And then another boom, when it apparently turns out she was forced to do it? By Craig, who as far as we knew she hadn't seen since he shot her? A little twist revealed with absolutely no build up? No drama? On a daytime DRAMA? This show is terrible.
So, first boom. The stupid, forced, rushed, apparent break-up. Now granted, I wouldn't believe a woman would break up with Patrick for anything short of, I don't know, intentionally setting her on fire (though how would you know it was an attack and not just his hotness run amok?), but they could have made an effort to make this plausible, especially since Dr. Drake is supposed to believe that Robin is serious about pushing him away (I think?). They could have shown Robin conflicted, at some point - perhaps, say, the day before? Moments before? At any point in history prior to her verbal bitchslap?
Even not relative to all other circumstances of their relationship over the last few months, the unceremonious dumping made no sense, because she was all "we're doomed!" "we're cursed!" "you can't stand me!" And then she was appalled that Patrick hotly took this to mean that perhaps she wanted not to be doomed and cursed and hated on a regular basis. But no. This wasn't about wanting to end the relationship, this was about the geography of their respective residences. "You're acting like I don't want to break up. I don't want to break up. I just don't want to live together!" I . . . what? And if this is really a bit front to cover up something else she's being forced to do that she's worried will endanger him, why doesn't she want to break up?
You guys, it makes me queasy to even type this, but at one point, Robin actually even compared herself and Patrick to CARLY AND SONNY. Are you kidding me? Robin's only similarities with Carly are that they have five-letter first names and share an unfortunate fondness for a certain hideously coiffed hitman, and Patrick and Sonny's only similarity is . . . no, I won't do it. I can't even compare them. I don't like to cry on weekends.
Anyway, after a few minutes, Patrick, hotly baffled:
replied to this total lack of sense with "This is the strangest conversation I've ever had." Seriously! It's the strangest conversation I've ever observed, and that includes the James E. Reilly era on Days of Our Lives, and this one time on a trolley in Budapest when it took two tourists sitting next to me five full minutes to figure out they were trying to find their trolley stop on a subway map, and that in Hungary signs don't use the English alphabet.
Finally, Patrick got hotly insightful: "Our problem isn't that we're incompatible. Our problem is that you're a control freak with abandonment issues, and the more you love me the more you push me to the door." Or at least it would have been insightful, had it not been a reaction to what turned out to be a big fake out. Because apparently as the result of some off-screen conversations (which makes sense; why would you have the interesting ones where the viewers can see them, when they could instead be watching a week-long pissing match about marble?), if I understand Friday's final scene properly, Robin is being forced to help Craig and so she was pushing Patrick away to help protect him, like Nicolas did with Emily.
Wouldn't the soapy thing to do have been to have us see the conversations with Robin and Craig? So that when we were watching Dr. Drake hotly get verbally punched in the stomach while hotly resisting and hotly declaring his love, then hotly getting banished out into the rain, we could have known what was going on in Robin's mind and how torn she was? Instead, I just wanted to beat Robin about the head with my shoe. Which is so wrong, because these shoes are fabulous.
Now, I get that this break-up is probably a plot device to kick-off some Craig-related storyline with Nicolas on Spoon Island - and lord knows I'm up for a story arc that doesn't focus on Sonny and his minions - but it is just so typical of this show that they would take the one romantic bright spot, Robin and Patrick, and sacrifice them (even if it's only temporary, which I don't trust the people running this show to ensure) to forward another crime tale. When was the last time a couple lasted even a year on this show? Why can't they create drama any other way than by splitting people up? Luke and Laura would never have made it to the alter if the current showrunners were in charge back then.
All told, Kimberly McCullough and Jason Thompson were amazing in these scenes, but that's their talent rising above abysmal writing. If Patrick and Robin aren't back together stat so that Dr. Drake can continue hotly wooing Dr. Scorpio, well, beware the Soap Opera Rage of your Serial Drama bloggers, is all I'm saying. We have an assortment of pointy stilettos and we're not afraid to strategically aim them at shins.
P.S. If it turns out that, as someone in the comments suggested, Robin isn't under Craig's control (yet?) and Friday was just her being completely insecure (and, I would submit, INSANE), then I reserve the right to whip out the stilettos earlier rather than later.
Screencaps courtesy of Clarissa.
- Evil But Twinless