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« Very Important Memo | Main | What Do I Have To Do To Make You Love Me? »

March 28, 2007

(Yesterday's) Dumbest Dialogue

I love a good addiction storyline. Seriously. I find them to be endlessly dramatic and when they're well done, they are just awesome, especially if there is a big, soapy intervention. Bailey's intervention on Party of Five remains one of the greatest things I have witnessed on television. Remember how he got all up in Claudia's face for tricking him with a story about Owen falling? Delicious, although it would have been even better had it been Sarah, whose usefulness had already evaporated by that point in time. Remember how Scott Wolf was the new Tom Cruise, just as pocket sized with an affinity for television stars (is a Real World cast member a "star"?)? Remember when Julia got pregnant?! Remember her abusive boyfriend (who was played by Scott Bairstow, who got arrested for having sex with a 12 year old)? Remember Paula Devicq?!?!?! That show ruled.

Uh, anyway...lately, your typical addictions have become trite. Alcohol? Please, what soap character isn't an alcoholic. Painkillers? Three quarters of the General Hospital characters have become addicted to pills. Gambling? I think Days of Our Lives did it, and I clearly remember when Dorothy Zbornak was addicted on The Golden Girls and nearly stole money from sweet, naive Rose to bet on horses.

So I understand, okay? I understand the need for fresh new addictions to mine for dramatic potential.

But, come ON, Lynn Marie Latham: must it be porn?! And must it be Amber Moore porn?! What kind of a sick mind comes up with that kind of story?! And what kind of a sick mind writes this kind of dialogue?

Colleen: I remember this one time that I was helping Abby out with a report on skunks.
Daniel: Skunks?
Colleen: Mm-hmm. It's a really good thing that Abby wasn't in the room, though.
Devon: What happened?
Colleen: Well, let's just say I must've typed in the wrong letter, because a site for skanks came up.
Lily: Oh, my gosh!
Colleen: Oh, my gosh, you should've seen these pictures.
Devon: That's almost as bad as when I was doing a report on global warming.
Daniel: What did you get?
Devon: Well got a site of topless girls tanning their globes at the beach.
Lily: You are so making that up.
Devon: I'm not making it up.
Lily: Okay, no, no, no, no, I have a story that tops you all.
Devon: What?
Lily: I was in the school library doing research on interpersonal relationships for my psyche class. And apparently when you type in interpersonal on their search engine, you get more than you bargained for.
Colleen: Oh!
Lily: No, no, no. It gets better. So there was this professor guy who was sitting right next to me and he saw everything. And I had to explain just so he wouldn't report me.

I've seen more in depth conversations between LC and Heidi on The Hills.

It's like...okay, I was all set to wonder why the hell Ghost of John Abbott is so freaking nosy, since John Abbott was never like that when he was alive, and I was going to complain that hacking into emails yet again best have consequences for Gloria and Kevin, and I was also going to make fun of Nikki's hair, but every time I try to get the words out, the horrifying memory of Daniel's porn addiction comes back and I feel ashamed and sad and repulsed and---Amber Moore porn?!?!

- Promising Ingénue


Discussion of porn? On daytime? For serious? What is WRONG with these people?

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