All the Gripes of our Days
Witness: The way the unnecessarily recast Stephanie keeps calling Steve "papa" is driving me crazy. Every time she over-enunciates it, I flash to Yentl. "Papa, can you hear me?" (Yes, he can. He says you have excellent diction but mediocre acting skills and for god's sake please put some clothes on.) Anyway, this got me thinking, wouldn't this show be much improved with a storyline about a secretly cross-dressing religious scholar?! I think that might just be the way to finally make Belle interesting! Not to mention smarter! I'm not Jewish, so help me out -- would she find the answer to "Is it a bad idea to throw a toddler off the top story of a cruise ship into the turbulent ocean?" in the Torah?
In Belle's actual [snail-paced, repetitive, could-have-knocked-EJ-out-with-boredom- way-more-effectively-than-the-f'ing-poisoned-lipstick] storyline....Did John seriously come and speak to her in a dream? And did she basically interpret good ol' Dad's advice as "Shawn? Oh, you should totally hit that, sweetie"? Who did Drake Hogestyn piss off, honestly? In the past like six months, he's appeared only as a coma patient or a spirit saying creepy stuff. I miss the eyebrow. It gets so little work these days.
If being stranded on a desert island with your babydaddy (who you don't ever remember ever actually having sex with on account of you were nearly unconscious in a burning barn when you got pregnant) while you wait for him to build a dingy to take you to Australia before the crazy-eyed and apparently kind of slutty girl with the suspiciously missing baby makes her move on him isn't realistic enough storytelling for you, fear not, have the writers got a scene or two you'll love!
I so love it when Days has one of its "our bad girl is so relatable!" moments. Like today, poor Sami trying to figure out how to backtrack on her first-degree murder plans. Man, don't I know where that girl is coming from. I mean, if I had a nickel for every time I used poisoned lipstick to drug the scion of a routinely-raised- from-the-dead criminal mastermind because he instead of my nice but boring fiance had possibly impregnated me, and then couldn't figure out what to do with him after I'd doused his near-lifeless body in gasoline on the advice of a never-accurate psychic but backed out at the last minute on burning him alive, I would . . . well, I'd still be broke. Because that is some crazy shit, yo. I already have my work cut out for me explaining what a soap opera is and why it isn't about cold-blooded murder to the GH writers; do we have to make this a group workshop?
I do love that the kiss of doom didn't work right the second time, though. As if you could bring down Stefano's kid with something it looks like you could buy at Sephora. Though, perhaps she should have considered stabbing him with some Tweezermans instead. Those things are fierce.
- Evil But Twinless