All These Idiots Held Their Peace?!
Carly and Jax are getting married! Yay! OMG so awesome! They are so MFEO!!!!
Blech. I tried to be a fangirl. Really, I did. I didn't even hate them when they got together, despite the fact that Carly was going after her dead best friend's sort-of-husband like five minutes after she died. Ingo Rademacher started to sell me on the pairing. (In the interest of full disclosure, Ingo could also sell me a wardrobe of gauchos and ponchos and Uggs.) And Laura Wright is a good actress who plays "Carly in love" well.
But the forced triangle retread, capped off with the whole "You went out of town to help your brother [who is NOT Craig, goddammit], so I married and slept with my mobster ex-husband. And?" thing just really killed this couple for me. And now despite all evidence that they are completely DOOMED and should never get married, they're married. Fortunately, the wedding meant that much of Port Charles got together in one place (which almost never happens). Unfortunately, there was wrongness besides the actual couple everyone was there to "celebrate." I have therefore divided my thoughts about this particular marital extravaganza into two highly sophisticated and descriptive categories: bad and good.
The couple. DOOMED. Please see above.
However, Carly looked lovely (mostly - I didn't love her eye makeup and I'm not sold on those highlights). And Jax looked, as always, devilishly handsome:
Approximately on par on the importance scale with the fact that the whole shindig is for a couple who is completely doomed and will end up making each other miserable, is the issue of Jason's hair. I know I've mentioned it before, but nobody is listening to me! Who will stop the madness?!
Speaking of Sonny, I really wish that someone had told me that it was tradition to go to your ex's wedding and publicly pout. I've been rude so many times, letting my ex-boyfriends get married without that critical component of their nuptials! I have to write some apology cards. I wonder if a enclosing a Pottery Barn gift card would compensate for my oversight? I'll have to check The Knot.
Anyway, we can all learn a lot from Sonny about appropriate wedding demeanor:
There were a couple of silver linings to his showing up, though. First, he was miserable, and Carly even got in a few digs at him during the vows. Sonny's misery is more fun than Disneyland to me. Second, Becky Herbst got to show off one of the most awesome "WTF?!" looks ever when Liz came back from her little stroll outside to find the bride's ex-husband pouting next to her:
Jax to Carly:
"You showed me strength, courage, loyalty."
!!!!! She cheated on you by sleeping with and re-marrying her mobster ex-husband like five minutes ago! The director's hilarious cutaway to Sonny as Jax said "loyalty" was genius, though.
Also, I know the writers are always telling me Carly is strong and courageous, but are there actual examples of those traits in her history? Just five minutes before Jax said this, Carly told Jason that if he weren't there she wouldn't have the guts to get married. If you need that kind of support to marry a hot Australian millionaire, I'm not sure "strength" and "courage" are descriptors that really fit.
"I will promise you, right here, in front of God and all these people that I will stand by you no matter what life throws at us."
What if the "what" that life throws at you is more of Sonny's sperm?
"And I will love you with all the love that I have."
This is probably true. Sigh. Jax is going to get squashed, I just know it. I'm unspoiled, but I've seen how his 27 previous marriages have gone, so I'm pretty sure that's how it's going to go down.
Carly to Jax:
"You understand me, and you challenge me to be the best person I can be."
THIS is the best person you can be?!?! Dear god.
Some good news is, if her reaction shot at the end of the episode was any indication, I think perhaps along with dozens of dresses and everything in Sephora, Sam finally bought a clue! Maybe the paternity of Liz's soon-to-be-baby will finally be revealed! To the six people in town who don't already know, I mean. That should be dramatic and totally worth the 9-month buildup.
Though Spinelli's dream dance sequence was pretty entertaining; probably because he wasn't speaking. And Milo dancing was hilarious.
But they need to have Lulu grow a backbone and either pick a guy or move on, because these scenes are so annoying. They did, however, bring about one of the highlights of Friday's show, Carly's reaction to the three guys eeeeeeeeeee!!!!!ing over Lulu catching the bouquet:
WTF indeed, Carly. Awesome.
However, listen up, writers. That was a cute sight gag, but I swear to god, if you marry Lulu off anytime soon, I will not be held responsible for my actions. You already had her get pregnant the first time she had sex. She is just a teenager and deserves not to be railroaded into full-blown soap adulthood. There are lots of interesting stories to be told with her that don't revolve around her and guys, too. One would be her finding out about Luke raping Laura. It's just a suggestion.
I'm going to have to break out with the Promising Ingenue-patented reaction to all things Bobbie:
". . ."
But, side note: There is something seriously wrong with me because of all things, what I am focusing on most is her arm. It's, like, Barbie-sized!
And now for the happy part of the post, the stuff at the Wedding of the Doomed that made me smile/eeeee!/have fashion envy.
Patrick and Robin!
Are they the cutest? I think they just might be. Patrick hotly wearing a tux, Patrick hotly shooting her glances across the crowded room, Patrick hotly plotting to sneak into the supply closet with Robin. It was a good day for the best couple on this show. However, not to harsh anyone's buzz or anything, but she said some really awful stuff to him before she became under Craig’s control – are they ever going to deal with that?
Anyway, back to good stuff. Robin's whole look was perfection. The dress, the necklace, her hair and makeup:
Spinelli: I have no words.
Jason: That's a relief.
Hee. The robot made a funny.
Of course, this isn't late-80s Days, this is modern-day GH, so I'm sure the whole thing will go into the shitter next week.