Can't a Girl Get a Good Romance?
I have a good job, cute dog, great friends and family, plus a pretty staggering collection of shoes and handbags. But does any of that warm my heart? Well, yes, the shoes and handbags sort of do, because I am shallow, but what really warms my heart is a good romance. Because I am a General Hospital viewer, I therefore have a cold, dead heart. (Or is it the other way around?)
Maybe it's just because I grew up watching Days of Our Lives in its heyday, but aren't soaps supposed to be all about overly dramatic romantic entanglements and family interactions? The GH showrunners are failing on both counts, having relegated core families to window dressing status eons ago, and now killing off romance like it's trying to take over one of Sonny's docks.
GH Challenge #1: Name a couple that has been together for more than a year.
This list will be short. I think it might just be Jason and Sam, and Lorenzo and Skye. A common denominator there is "mafia." Oh, and also "doomed." There don't even seem to be any long-term couples on the horizon. Patrick and Robin were headed there, but then came the insane break-up.
I get that soap couples can't stay together without dramatic interruptions, and breaking them up and then getting them back together is what makes them soap couples in the first place, but seriously, GH couples are apart more than they're together. And they're apart and together for the weirdest reasons. In college one of my best friends broke up with a girl because he found out she owned an Air Supply CD. That break-up makes way more sense than any coupling or non-coupling on GH right now.
GH Challenge #2: Name a married couple.
Carly and Sonny don't count because 1) it's a fake marriage, 2) they're supposedly in the process of getting divorced, and 3) I cannot write about those two as the show's core couple or I'm going to start curling into the fetal position and whimpering.
I think that leaves just Liz and Lucky. In case you hadn't heard the big secret, she's pregnant by a hitman, plus their last marriage lasted about as long as Britney Spears' most recent one. These two are carrying the show's marital banner? O...kay.
The recent Patrick and Robin build-up proves that even the idiots who write this show can do it, they can write a good romance, which makes it all the more irritating that they don't. They choose not to. They choose to instead focus on the mafia storylines. Yeah, I'd much rather watch a five-year-old girl be traumatized over having seen her sister the mafia girlfriend kill a guy during a mob shootout with cops, rather than another one of those over-the-top romantic storylines that created this genre in the first place. Sure, that sounds like fun.
What happened to years of romance? Months on end of sappy dates and then implausible relationship roadblocks? Capitalizing on great chemistry between actors, and rewarding fan attachment?
I guess in a nutshell my question to the GH bigwigs is: What does a girl have to do to get a good wooing around here?
- Evil But Twinless