So Pretty. But So, So Dim.
There is this storyline playing out on General Hospital that I totally understand if you’ve missed because it’s really back-burner. It involves this nurse named Elizabeth, who is pregnant not by her detective husband Lucky (who really could die any day, his job is so dangerous, just ask the writers), but instead is having the baby of a brain-damaged hitman who happens to be her ex-boyfriend and ongoing confidante.
I know most of us just count our blessings that our revenge sex with hitmen/confidantes never resulted in unintended pregnancies, but poor Liz was not so lucky thanks to a defective Quartermaine-manufactured condom. (The Quartermaines suck and they ruin everything, just ask those same writers.) Anyway, Liz consoles herself with the knowledge that she'll be passing on some of the most beautiful genes on the planet, and with daydreams of her thousands of expensive handbags.
But let's get back to the police officer/daily-cheater-of-death husband. Lucky is very, very good-looking. But he is, how to say, not that bright. Apparently. Because in the last several months he has:
- known that a hitman who used to date his wife provided said wife with moral support following her discovery of drugged-out Lucky having sex -- in his and Liz's bed! -- with then-hideous-skank, now one of our favorite bad girls, Maxie
- witnessed numerous sidelong glances pass between his pregnant wife and her hitman/confidante
- saw hitman/confidante with his hand on Liz's belly to feel the baby kick
- observed his sister Lulu -- who previously adored Liz -- behave as if Liz had run over Lulu's puppy, on purpose (after spending time with the hitman/confidante and his entourage)
- heard Lulu accuse Liz of lying about something
- had a conversation about “last summer” with the hitman/confidante’s girlfriend in which it would have been totally obvious to anyone even with the comprehension skills of a newborn (not Lucky’s though, because he’s not going to have one, and even if he did, the dimness might be genetic) that the girlfriend meant something different about what happened last summer between their respective partners than he did
Yet, poor gorgeous Lucky has not put two and two together, or if he has he’s come up with five. Now, this naivete-bordering-on-severe-learning-disability is not entirely unexpected, as even if you just limited your consideration of his reasoning abilities to other pregnancies, he previously confused a fetus with a pillow. I can only assume that when the baby is finally born and comes out with hideous hair, or when Jason shows up with a baby sized bullet-proof vest, Lucky will finally clue in.
Just as pretty though not quite as dim is Dr. Patrick Drake. Our affection for Dr. Drake and his portrayer borders on the disturbing around here, but I think even putting that aside I can confidently assert that the good [hot] doctor's recent stupidity is unbelievably out of character. Dr. Drake is a hotly brilliant neurosurgeon. Yet he sees no reason to question that his girlfriend moved in with and declared her love for the boyfriend (and ex-husband) of one of her friends who also recently saved her life? He sees no reason to question that this woman who is more careful with her emotions than 98% of humans was with him one day and moved on without any notice to another guy the next day? Literally, the next day!
Now granted, Robin did completely flip her shit and pick a huge fight with him for no logical reason (leaving yours truly to believe initially that her hand had been forced by Craig but of course the writers aren't that clever). But who hasn’t done that? You get a one-time pass for that when your ovaries start functioning. He was all hotly puzzled when he was kicked out into the rain, then hotly angry, then hotly demanding of answers from Robin at Wyndemere, then rather un-hotly immediately hitting on Robin's friends. Are we sure he isn't strung out on painkillers?
Patrick -- the BRAIN SURGEON -- didn't think it was odd that Robin was having urgent blood work done for her new alleged beau, and that she was clearly distraught about it? He didn't find it a bit puzzling that Nikolas hadn't told Emily about this rather significant development in his life? Didn't find Robin's obviously weird behavior around the guy with the ridiculously fake southern accent, who pretty inexplicably brought Nikolas' aunt to the hospital, a bit strange? Doesn't think Emily might be on to something in thinking it's all fake?
I would like for Patrick to return to being hotly perceptive and smart, please. And I would like Lucky to return to being...well, I would like for him to find out about Liz and Jason and the baby, so that this storyline can move along. And I would prefer that the finding out and/or moving on involve shirtlessness.
I know as a soap-watcher I'm supposed to be okay with hot guys being dumb, but I don't think I should be punished because I'm so deep.
- Evil But Twinless