AMC In Review
So it goes without saying that the McTavish-free version of All My Children is about thirty times better than the show had been (of course, the show had only been marginally better than an anesthetic free appendectomy, so it's not a compliment as much as it is a simple fact). But that doesn't mean that it's any good. And I know, I know, I need to "give them time" and "let them ease into the characters" and "drink milk and eat vegetables", but when have I ever been that kind of person?!
In case you've missed any of it, here are some Pine Valley highlights!
RYAN: I kissed Greenlee
ANNIE: What?! Ryan--why?!
RYAN: But it didn't mean anything, I swear to you.
ANNIE: It's days after our wedding and you are already kissing your ex-wife...I must have done something to upset you. I am so, so sorry. I don't know what I did, but I'm sorry for it. I love you so much, please forgive me for whatever I did. Please!
RYAN: Well...okay, I guess I can forgive you.
ANNIE: Oh, thank you! Thank you so much for allowing me to bask in your glory and take your holy name. You're so perfect.
RYAN: Aw, shucks.
BABE: I am totally heartbroken. Like, totally heartbroken. Greenlee took my heart and stamped on it.
JAMIE: You poor thing.
BABE: I mean, I totally loved working at Fusion! I EARNED that job.
JAMIE: Through hard work?
BABE: Well, kind of...I mean, I got it because Greenlee wanted to make Kendall miserable by working with the person she hated most in the universe, and that was me, because I kidnapped Kendall's niece. But it was way hard babynapping Miranda so yeah, it WAS hard work that got me there.
JAMIE: And you obviously have business skills.
BABE: I did take an intro to business class...or was that home ec? It was about balancing checkbooks or whatever in eighth grade, before I dropped out.
JAMIE: So you got the job with no diploma just because someone hated you?
BABE: And now I have NOTHING! She took my job away! It's not fair!
JAMIE: Babe, remember when you led me on a downward spiral that had me sleeping with my brother's wife, drugging people and kidnapping babies? Those were some of the best times of my life. I would be honored to help you get out of this predicament.
BABE: You can definitely help me, Jamie.
JAMIE: You're wonderful.
JONATHAN: You still sicken me. You look like Lily, but you aren't Lily.
AVA: Are you sure you don't still have a tumor?
JONATHAN: You're disgusting.
AVA: (Is in need of saving)
JONATHAN: Here I am, Ava! Don't worry! I'll save you! Because you look like Lily!
AVA: Um, ew?
JACK: So this divorce is pretty good times.
ERICA: Indeed! I am not entirely sure what possessed me to end this marriage. How could I divorce you, you're such a--
JACK, ERICA IN UNISON: --tall drink of water
ERICA: Ahem. Don't tell me what to think?
JACK: I won't.
ERICA: I am being independent, I learned about it from this delightful new book called "The Rules", I found it when I went to take one of my replacement Aquanet bottles out of storage.
JACK: You know we'll be back together by November.
ERICA: At the latest. And I'll probably wear white at the wedding.
JACK: I would expect nothing less from you.
JR: You're hot.
AMANDA: Yeah, I am. You'd be hot, too, if you did something about that hair.
AMANDA: Yeah, whatever.
JR: You'd never, like, tell me my kid was dead, would you?
AMANDA: Probably not.
JACK: Greenlee, this revenge plan makes no sense.
GREENLEE: Everybody else has a life and I don't! It's not fair! I want to get them back!
JACK: But...you had time to get a life since you left Pine Valley.
GREENLEE: But life isn't worth living without Ryan.
JACK: No, seriously, you're pretty and vivacious, why didn't you move on or anything while you were abroad?
GREENLEE: Because I want RYAN.
JACK: You left Ryan. And you changed your name back to DuPres.
GREENLEE: They all have to pay for what they did to me.
JACK: These people have all had to spend time with Babe AND Zarf, I think that's punishment enough.
GREENLEE: Ohmigod, you're totally wrong. I am going to get my revenge. For RYAN.
PALMER: Ha! I bought Krystal's jewelry from her! She didn't want the jewelry you gave her! Ha!
ADAM: Don't you dare pollute her name by speaking it!
PALMER: Remember when our rivalry was actually engrossing? We were such good foes. This seems like a half-hearted attempt to regain our former glory.
ADAM: Too true. Remember when I had a thug shoot you?
PALMER: Oh, those were the days. Or when I blackmailed Arlene? Her money was your money! It was such a good scheme.
ADAM: That was a good one!
PALMER: Ah, memories.
GREENLEE: I hate everybody and everything including your wackadoo adopted father.
JOSH: I hate him, too. I was aborted once, you know.
GREENLEE: I did.
JOSH: We're totally going to do it at some point in the future, aren't we?
GREENLEE: Yeah. I know you're aborted and all, but you're actually a step up from Ryan.