Terror and Hilarity
I find NewAmelia terrifying. She is trying to bore a hole through my soul with her eyes.
I tried to think of a “she’s scarier than X,” with X being some other super-scary soap character. But NewAmelia makes Stefano DiMera look like a playful kitten. She would make Helena Cassadine scream like a schoolgirl. So soap characters are insufficient for comparison. I feel confident it is not an overstatement to say that NewAmelia is scarier than Kim Jong-Il.
On the other hand, for the first time in possibly ever, Sam McCall is cracking me up.
The Air Quotes of Outrage and Snottiness, busted out in response to being accused of being Sonny's “mistress”?
Hilarious. I’m so going to do that the next time someone accuses me of doing something I actually did. Much like Joey Tribiani, I think that she does not understand the true meaning of air quotes. Yes, I know she was Sonny's mistress and the ridiculous fictitious tabloids that supposedly care about the relationship status of a third-rate host of a show nobody would ever watch are saying she is Sonny's mistress, but if that's the issue then "mistress" isn't the word worthy of the quotes, "is" is. She claimed to be upset by "mistress" because since Sonny and Carly were separated it isn't technically accurate. That is a true testament to the (very amusing) wrongness of this character, that she has no issue with sleeping with a professional criminal/hit-orderer, because he was almost single when they were doing it, dammit!
Anyway, getting righteously indignant that the tabloids say you're dating one mobster/murderer because you are in fact dating a different mobster/murderer? Ha!
I'm not going to address the idea that Sonny's lawyer in her terrible suits could get production on a TV show shut down with a court order just because her client got his mobster panties in a bunch about not having unobstructed access to his fake coffee shop office where he plots people's murders, but that is not funny and right now I am dealing with the funny.
To wit, asking your creepy-as-hell boss for half a million dollars to pay off your blackmailer? Laugh out loud hilarious!
Believing that said boss 1) would pay $300,000 to save a show
worth a buck fifty, 2) would continue to want to center a show about
heroes around a confessed thief, and 3) got the complete address of
where to send the check to in .3 seconds? Tee-hee. Sam's stupidity
Wearing two different gigantic earrings like it’s 1984 and you’re a tinier but more heavily made-up version of Madonna?
Stop it, my sides hurt!
Also uproariously funny, though unrelated to La Isla Sam-ita, is Sonny asserting that he and Jason will be able to pull off the hit on Alcazar because . . . . there's a thunderstorm. First of all, this is the Port Charles PD. The writers have made these cops so inept they couldn't convict Jason and Sonny of murder if it happened in the middle of the police station, with 10 nuns as witnesses, on videotape. Second of all, if you're a good hired killer do you need for there to be some big diversion in order to off a rival? Oh my god, what if after all this time we find out Jason sucks at his job? He gave up everything for it, but he's a sub-par hitman! If only he'd stuck with med school and crew-neck sweaters.
But overall, the idea that a murder will go off without a hitch because it's
raining is seriously awesome. "I think we just might get away with it,
godfather, because I can tell from my hair frizzing that it's going to
be humid tomorrow! That's sure to send law enforcement into a
Back to the un-funny. . . Did Lady Jane have some of CraigJerry's brain tumor for breakfast? "Jax so wants you to meet Carly and the boys." The holy hell? JERRY WAS ENGAGED TO CARLY'S MOTHER. He knew Carly, and tons of other people in town! His mother knows that Jerry knew Carly. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS SHOW?!