A Whole Lot of Ugly Goin' On
I like to think that the General Hospital wardrobe department personnel are collectively on medication, or have some kind of bet about who can go the longest without foisting some hideous ensemble on a poor unsuspecting soap star. But then either the meds run out, or like in the Seinfeld "Master of My Domain" episode they all decide that the payoff is worth more than the bet, and BOOM . . . cavalcade of fugly. One fashion disaster after another. Take, for example, the last couple of days in Port Charles.
Is she a lawyer . . . from 1982? Is she trying to recreate the least interesting lawyer character in the history of television, L.A. Law's Abby Perkins? Is she going directly from the courthouse to appear in a community theater musical production of Working Girl? (Which, side note, I think could be a hit on Broadway. Let the geniuses behind Legally Blonde: The Musical at least take a shot.) Is she finding increasingly creative yet heinously unattractive ways to cover up the fact that she's wearing a bullet-proof vest to guard against the wrath of her murderous employers, given how openly she (much to my delight) mocks them?
This woman is so stylish that she reads high fashion magazines and squees over meeting Couture's editor-in-chief? Really? Maybe she just has a girlcrush on Kate. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
This show and the dress-over-pants nonsense. Grrrrr. Stop it! Stop it this instant! I cannot improve upon the Fug Girls' rants on this topic. GH wardrobe department, prepare to be schooled: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Also, that bag is dreadful. However, her hair and makeup are perfection. Yin and yang, and all that.
Carly's inappropriate jail-wear collection continues to baffle the fashion world:
Maybe I'm wrong, but I really think your attire for visiting your best friend in the slammer should be at least a smidgen different from your "he's going to be sorry he cheated on me, just wait until he sees how many numbers I get in this top at the bar after the NASCAR race" garb. But I'm the Church Lady this week, so feel free to ignore me.
This next tragic outfit was stretched over about a week's worth of episodes. Among other things, it featured 1) a large silkscreened peacock feather (!!!), 2) an utterly inappropriate and completely visible foundation garment, 3) flared white jeans (on a teenie tiny woman!), and 4) something vaguely reminiscent of the aforementioned dress-over-pants grossness.
(Screencaps courtesy of Clarissa.)
That last one doesn't really show the outfit well, but I just thought we should all say hello to Cruz. Hey there, Detective Rodriguez. How you doin'?
I think the hair and makeup people are in on the bet/medication too.
Is this a beehive?!?!
I knew that the Hairspray movie's evil influence would expand beyond forcing me to look at John Travolta in a fat suit and drag. (P.S. WTF is his accent in the trailer that's running on TV? What is a "cohn-opuhrated laaawndromat"?)
Kelly Monaco, I like you, so I'll warn you that if you continue to let them do your hair like that, you might die. I heard all about it when I was a kid. Between this and the dress-over-pants warnings, I really feel like Serial Drama is providing a valuable public service today. You're welcome.
I think it was really decent of this guy to take time out of his busy 21 Jump Street shooting schedule to do a day-part as one of Jason's minions.
I think Kimberly McCullough is adorable, and talented, and is a chemistry machine with basically any guy they pair her with. I think she's even partially responsible for Jason Thompson's hotness. So I say this from a place of affection, truly I do. Here's the thing: Her bangs are awful. They're too short, and they're too blunt. I'm not going to post another photo of them (it hurt me to do the one from the Emmys), because it would be too painful, for her and for all of us as viewers. The bangs looked pretty cute a couple of months ago, but now after this recent trim they're distractingly bad. I hope that Kimberly is in the midst of a dreaded but necessary growing-out period, and has deleted the contact information for the stylist who did this to her from her Blackberry. And from everyone else's, if at all possible.
Kirsten Storms'/Maxie's extensions are looking a
little ratty. They're veering into Spears-ian territory. And I do not
approve of the Heather-Locklear-circa-fourth-season-of-Melrose Place roots.
There have been a few highlights amidst the fashion and hairstyling train wrecks, however.
Tracy looks great:
I mean, it's a bit "Look honey, there was a Dana Buchman sale at Nordstrom, won't this be perfect for your graduation brunch?," but I will totally take it over some of the frumpy crap they usually put poor (amazingly fierce) Jane Elliott in. And her hair and makeup are freaking fantastic.
Kate continues to look fabulous, fabulously flirting with every man in sight and fabulously carrying what I believe was a fabulous Fendi bag. Or rather, a good knockoff Fendi bag, I hope, because if they're buying the real thing I'm starting to understand the "we can't possibly afford Genie Francis" bullshit.
Finally . . . Jason's hair didn't threaten to send me into therapy this week. This is the best Jason-related development in months!
Sure, if they do a feature film version of That 70s Show he's a shoo-in for a lead role (even Farrah Fawcett is like, how do you get it to feather like that?!), and he clearly still needs a haircut more than your average street person, but it's definitely an improvement now that he's ditched the Dippity-Do. Baby steps. Or, I mean, tiny steps. Because I think if you say the word "baby" around this guy, he'll have a breakdown. Or will whip out the Hitman's Box of Painful Memories and Other People's Offspring. That's like your friends bringing out the Pictures of Baby Showers and Weddings of People We Know But You Don't albums, times a gabillion. I guess at least with the HBOPMOPO you'll be around weaponry, all the better to put yourself out of your misery.