Ballistic: DiMera vs. Brady
One of the things I love about Days of Our Lives is the way it can be profoundly awesome in the ironic way and profoundly awesome, period. The same people who brought us Nell Lexie just one week ago crafted an episode of television that was well written, well acted, compelling and drew upon decades of show history. It's a little weird how a show can veer from cheesy to legitimately good in the span of seven days, but you know what, I am not going to question it, I am along for the ride and enjoying it. Hogan and I are totally back on.
How fantastic was the dramatic return of Anna?!
I knew that it was coming and I am also completely unfamiliar with the character of Anna (I wasn't born yet when she made her Salem debut and all I know about her character is that she's Carrie's mom, and then some information gleaned from the Days of Our Lives 30th Anniversary book that I got when I was in middle school [shut up!]; she lied about being sold into white slavery, but actually had multiple sclerosis? That's so soapy!) but that did not detract from how fantastic it was.
Her reunion with her former in-laws was nothing short of hilarious.
CAROLINE: It's like looking at a ghost from the past.
No doubt, she had seen the bizarre clown couture outfit Peggy McCay wore to the Emmys and was too shocked to formulate a reply.
ROMAN: Anna. Oh, my God. That is you.
ANNA: Roman, you look well.
The unsaid ending to that sentence was "well on your way to a life that finds you shunned by a society frightened of your inability to move your face or open your mouth when you speak. I'm praying for you".
I felt quite sorry for Anna when she was trying to catch up with her former family and everybody was like, "Shut up and get to the letters, woman". Especially Marlena and her velvet blazer; first of all, it's June. And second of all, she was sporting major bitchface the entire episode. "There's no time for reminiscing, Anna". Geez, Marlena. A little bit jealous that Anna's the mother of Roman's good daughter and yours is a (cute as hell and totally awesome, but still) sociopath?
And poor Leann Hunley. She goes from deflowering Pacey Witter to flirting with the faux Roman Brady. Ouch.
I love how cute Bo and Hope are with each other, even when they aren't doing anything but sitting next to each other. They seem like a happy married couple and don't need to constantly nuzzle each other's hands/moan orgasmically while they discuss a family tragedy like some people in gross velvet blazers that I am not going to mention right now.
This sort of veers off of the "Woo! Days is awesome!" theme, but it needs to be asked: what the hell is with Allison Sweeney's hair? Again, I think she's adorable, but why does her hair look like she's supposed to be in the audience of a Whitesnake concert? It's not a good look. Please make it stop.
The DiMera family rules. I don't know what part of their scenes was my favorite.
No, that's a blatant lie. My favorite moment was obviously the most awkward hug ever.
POETRY IN MOTION, PEOPLE.
My second favorite thing was James Scott, because he's dreamy. I think the way that EJ sucks up to Stefano is hilarious. It's so, "Love me best, father, I'm ever so loyal to you".
My third favorite thing was Thaao Penghlis. He is not even trying with the accent anymore, is he? He says one word with his natural Australian accent, then suddenly becomes someone from the Bronx before adopting a sinister European accent. At one point today, he was vaguely Southern.
I am also convinced that he tans daily and lives on a diet of carrots and yams.
Stupid Celeste, though. I really wanted a full DiMera dinner with EJ, Tony and Lexie. While Tony and EJ bickered, Lexie could have hissed at them. But, no, Celeste and her cleavage had to interfere.
Perhaps it was all for the best. Nell Lexie surely would have become agitated at some point during the dinner and leaped onto the table and we all saw that the dinner table was perhaps the cheapest piece of crap on the Days set at the moment and it would have collapsed and glass would have flown all over and could have cut James Scott's face. Seriously, did they buy that at the dollar store? Thaao Penghlis was shaking his leg at one point in the scene and I swear, the entire table looked like it was going to flip over. I thought that without Farah Fath and her cosmetics fetish on contract, they'd have an extra $3,000 weekly, but I guess I was wrong.
As brill as the DiMera scenes were, I wish that Kristen had finagled a way out of white slavery and was part of the DiMera renaissance. I know that they were in a budgetary crisis at the time, but not scooping up Eileen Davidson as soon as she was fired from Y&R was a really bad move. She would have been the cherry on top of the brilliantly evil and horribly accented sundae. The poor woman has to be part of a love triangle on The Bold and the Beautiful with Ronn Moss and his mullet and the guy who used to play Brady on Days. Tragikstan!
Where is Billie? Should I be worried about her? I'd file a missing persons report, but we've all seen how the Salem PD works.