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« Fair Warning | Main | The Day's Dumbest Dialogue »

June 04, 2007

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

I'm pretty easy to please.

Okay, that is a blatant lie. In most areas of life, I am exceedingly difficult, if not impossible, to please. But when it comes to favorite soap characters, I am a total pushover! I've gotten really good at explaining away the absurd and awful actions of my favorites. I'm ride or die.

Lately, though, it's gotten harder and harder to defend the actions of certain characters and my logic becomes more and more twisted to be in their favor and there are days, like today, when I'm like, "What the hell?! I seriously can't even stand it when you're onscreen."

It is with a heavy heart that I put Sharon Abbott and Elizabeth Spencer on notice.

I understand why Sharon is pissed at Jack. I'd be fuming too if I came home and found out that my husband's ex-wife, who just happens to be the woman who slept with my ex-husband and wrecked my marriage, had spent the night, even if the night-spending was platonic. I'd be livid.

But you know what I wouldn't do? I wouldn't go to lunch (dinner? The show goes by so damn fast that I never know what time of day it is in Genoa City. JT and Victoria made it to the hospital in, like, twelve seconds) with effing Brad, who broke up with his wife half an hour earlier and who proceeds to spend the entire meal pressuring me to leave my husband. No! That's not okay, Sharon!

I can defend Sharon for a lot (affairs when she was married to Nick, poor care of her hair extensions, her self-righteous streak) but it pisses me off that she is so into Brad. She's married to Jack! Jack, by the way, didn't choose someone else over Sharon because they had a bigger bank account like SOME PEOPLE did.

ALSO! Jack is human. Brad is a robot. Or a block of wood wearing an expensive suit. Perhaps an expensive suit wearing robot sent from the future to destroy the human race, even. Or maybe it's as simple as him being portrayed by an actor incapable of any emotional depth whose go-to facial expression is blank. This facial expression is used to convey happiness, anger, sadness and concern.

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That's terrifying to me.

And on top of the whole not being human thing, Brad's just an asshole. Am I supposed to be invested in the great star-crossed Sharon and Brad love affair when he had ample opportunity to choose Sharon but cast her aside for Victoria and Vicki's access to the Newman bank accounts and board of executives? Am I supposed to think it's just totally dreamy that he leaves his wife (after smarming at her like she was the one who had an affair) and immediately starts coaxing Sharon to leave her husband? Am I supposed to support them when I know that Brad's going to wind up shacking up with the next biggest inheritance in Genoa City? WHAT THE HELL, LYNN MARIE LATHAM?

I swear, if Sharon leaves Jack for Brad, it's over. I am done with her. I've defended her for years, but that is just the final insult. Abbott Forever, Carlton Never!

Divider

Oh, Liz. Ohhhhh, Liz.

I've loved Liz Webber since she first appeared on GH as the supremely awful bad girl. Planting condoms? Outrageous! But she was awesome, and she has continued to be awesome throughout the years and spent so much time on the backburner that it depressed me and I'm thrilled she's a part of major storylines now.

But seriously.

Seriously.

Getting pissy at Lucky because he arrested Jason? Being mad that her police officer husband followed orders to arrest the known hitman? I know that Jason is Jake's dad but, hello, Lucky doesn't know that and probably won't grasp the concept until the secret has been out in the open for two decades. That's the whole point of the stupid lie: that Lucky doesn't know! So stop getting mad at him! Getting angry at Lucky these days is like kicking a small, lonely dog, except that the dog is able to think on a higher level.

I'm not saying Lucky didn't screw up their marriage incredibly the first go round. He did. In a hugely horrible and massive way. But he got himself help. He's apologized for what he's done at least four hundred time. And Liz is the one who accepted his marriage proposal. And who agreed to start the marriage with a clean slate, all the while hiding a huge secret. So please, Liz, spare me the righteous anger towards a man who (a)was just doing his job as an officer of the law and arresting someone who killed a man and (b)is being completely screwed over by your lies.

And also, Liz? What the hell was this?

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BACK AWAY FROM THE SCRUNCHING. YOU ARE NOT, I REPEAT NOT, AN EXTRA IN A TIFFANY VIDEO.

That fright-wig like hairdo ruined what could have been a cute outfit. Well, the color is cute, at least. I'm not sold on the Angela from Project Runway fleurchons she's got going on.

Bourgeois Nerd mentioned the horror that Fivehead wore. I don't know what it is, but I do know that she is now dead to me. Yes, what the fivehead and the Sonny screwing couldn't do, this...thing did.

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Every camera angle provided a new level of horror. It was like a sling meets something a mother of the bride would wear at a wedding meets a prom dress that a poor home ec student would make with fabric she purchased for $6 meets hell. And it was ill-fitting and unflattering and just terrible. DEAD TO ME

Comments

My love/obsession with Amelia will take a lot more than a... "shirt" to quench, but, yes, she's going to have to make it up to me before I fully forgive her. Also, OMG, thank you for perfectly describing the hideousity that the hair department has inflicted on pretty, pretty BH's pretty, pretty hair: "extra in a Tiffany video" describes it PERFECTLY! Though now I have "I Think We're Alone Now" stuck in my head...

You know you only turned against Liz because for once her hair wasn't pretty. The pretty hair, it has buoyed our affection for so long.

I'm not quite over her, but I'm really, really close. If she'd stayed pregnant for another week even, rubbing that fake belly while gazing longingly at the hitman, I would have passed the point of no return. As it is, the pretty hair and fab wardrobe saves her from the "hate" column.

Yes, I haven't pushed Liz into the hate column yet, but I was even yelling at the previews on Friday that there's no way Lucky is the bad guy in this situation.

And Amelia's top couldn't kill my love either, but it was pretty damn bad.

Sharon's obsession with Brad is indefensible and unbelievable. For goodness sake, the man can't even move his face. He is barely more than a Terminator. It is impossible for me that she could possibly love that thing over Jack who actually has a heart. The only way for Sharon to redeem herself is to fight Phyllis tooth and nail for Jack.

I forgot to add: Does anyone know why Brad is on this show every freaking day?

You're so wrong! Liz has every right to be angry with Lucky. Clearly, what Lucky should have done was quit the force the moment anyone even suggested the possibility that Jason be arrested and then swiftly ran to offer up his services in helping him flee justice/destroy evidence/wander around town proclaiming his innocence to anyone standing still long enough to listen, whichever approach Jason liked the most.

Unpopular opinion alert: Liz is wrong but I can empathize. She's mad that Lucky didn't recuse himself, not that he didn't quit the force. Of all the people, why did Lucky have to serve the warrant? It would make me snitty too if my hubby arrested someone who'd saved my life multiple times. (This is not to excuse the baby-lying, etc. -- just the ingratitude of said life-saving.) In her defense, she doesn't know Lucky tried to recuse himself. (And really, Ric was wrong to force this on Lucky -- there's a terrible conflict of interest that could bite the police in the arse if the case ever went to trial. Oh ... who are we kidding? This is GH.) As to Liz yelping about "Jason can hold the baby any time he wants," well ... Lucky's known Jason is a hitman for years. He also knows Jason gets arrested weekly. WE know "this time" (heh) it's deserved but as far as Lucky knows, this is just another Jason arrest. Why wasn't Lucky outraged that mobster Jason held his baby last week? Why wasn't he irked a muderer was visiting his wife instead of grateful the murderer SAVED his wife and child (for the third time)? Suddenly he's pissed off about Jason holding "his" (Lucky's) child? I'd call him on it too. (Of course, I wouldn't fall in lust with a murderer but that's just me.)

Of course, it could just be that BH is cute as a button and I can't stay mad at her. To paraphrase Jessica Rabbit: She's not bad, just written that way.

I cant hate on Liz! I dont like what she's doing, but hey- it's a soap, and it's nice to see her almost everyday, and not as an Emily prop. As far as Amelia goes- whoever is dressing Carly, and Sky, must have their mits on her. Not enough for me to write her off, Love it when she makes Spam squirm!

Now I'm just speculating, but I think that wardrobe got accidentally hit Carly's closet for Amelia that day.

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