Suck It, Lavery
During the Daytime Emmys, I made a spectacle of myself by loudly groaning and rolling my eyes when Cameron Mathison appeared to present. It was so bad that I couldn't even appreciate poor Thorsten Kaye, who was presenting with him. I mentioned this to Evil But Twinless (cunningly omitting the whole "caused obnoxious scene" thing)
promisingingenue (9:31:57 PM): I really can't look at Cameron Mathison without wanting to kick him in the shins
And poor, naive, non-AMC watching (and therefore good taste having) EBT had no idea why I would want to kick him in the shins. Little does she know! So I decided that the kindest thing to do would be to educate her on the myriad ways in which Ryan Lavery, as a character, sucks so badly that it inspires me, an otherwise rational person, to wince at the very sight of his portrayer. Luckily, my lecture coincides with a week in which Ryan was in fine form as the biggest asshole on television.
I actually don't have anything against Mr. Mathison personally. I'm sure that he is a perfectly nice man. I wish that someone had thought to suggest acting lessons to him at some point in time, because the hoarse way that he yells with crazy eyes to convey anger is really overdone. He could probably stand to spend some time on the backburner, but I can't really expect him to go to the producers all "Thanks for giving me so much work to do. The thing is, though, that I feel like it's time Aidan got a story of his own, so why don't I do Aidan's thing and he can be seen on camera? That work for you?". And I am also annoyed that he's the new face of All My Children. Really? I guess I'm old-fashioned in that I think Susan Lucci should still be the face of AMC and if not her, then Alicia Minshew, but I am a total Kane fan, so I am slightly biased.
Ryan Lavery, though? Ryan Lavery sucks. Everything about him is annoying. Even his name is annoying, because all of the women on the show wail it dramatically at least ten times an episode with either glee ("Ryyyyyan loves me! And I love Ryyyyan!") or despair ("Woe is me! Ryyyyyan and I can't be together"). You know how Babe Carey is Sonny's counterpart, in that they are the two most despicable characters on AMC and GH? I think that the GH version of Ryan Lavery is Jason, because the people in charge of AMC similarly refuse to consider the notion that Ryan isn't the epitome of human perfection and wonder. While Jason is always right about everything, no matter what, Ryan is often very wrong and yet portrayed as being right just because he's Ryan. Who sucks, if I haven't made that clear.
Hypothetically, if you married someone and his ex-wife (1)crashed the wedding to have him arrested for bigamy (2)repeatedly mentioned wanting him back (3)wouldn't give him a divorce (4)even after signing the divorce papers, repeatedly mentioned her depression over not having his child, how would you feel? You probably wouldn't be happy about it, I'm guessing.
So then, hypothetically, what would you do if your husband insisted that his ex-wife be part of your family, just because he says so? What if he goes so far as to say that his ex-wife should be his son's other stepmother?
Please bear in mind that his ex-wife...
...had the idea to have Kendall be her surrogate, but a blackout caused by Kendall's husband (long story) caused her eggs to be ruined and Kendall wound up using her own egg. Therefore, ex-wife is not biologically related to your husband's child
...was so infuriated that the child Kendall was carrying wasn't biologically hers that she left town for two years, leaving behind this child who she now wants to have custody of
...looks EXACTLY LIKE YOU, so much so that Kendall pointed out the resemblance last summer and said your husband was just looking for a substitute
You'd probably be pissed, I'm guessing. You might actually say "Oh, hell, no, I am not putting up with this". And if you said that? Or said a milder version of it? Or did anything but blindly agree with Ryan? He'd make a face like this
Because he would be so incredibly SHOCKED that you had an opinion of your own and didn't take the word of Ryan as Gospel. SHOCKED! Like, what is this, Annie, the new millennium? You can't think for yourself, especially if it goes against Ryan. That's, like, a law of physics. You know how the customer is always right? That's only true if Ryan's the customer. If Ryan's the business owner and you're the customer, you're out of luck, because there's no way Ryan's wrong. Ever. This is just one reason why he sucks.
There is a long history of Ryan sucking. It's pretty much what he's done since he's come to town.
RYAN LAVERY'S MOST ASSHOLISH MOMENTS
2. Faking his death to get away from his wife by falling off of a cliff....which is the exact same way that her first (and best GREENLEEANDLEO4EVER<33) husband died, sending her into a total breakdown
3. Insisting that Kendall stay away from Spike--her own beloved (albeit poorly named) child during the Satin Slayer insanity and physically taking the kid away from her
4. Telling Kendall she was responsible for Bianca's rape
5. Once telling Kendall:
You really are beautiful. You also have the most pathetic excuse of a heart that I have ever seen, and you need help, like, now. And if you don't get it soon, you're going to bend some guy so far out of shape that he will choke you to death just to stop the madness.
Ah, love in the afternoon...
So, in conclusion, because it can't be said enough: Ryan sucks.
As does the rest of the show. I thought the new writers would be, like, good or whatever, but alas, that was not meant to be.