General Hospital Week in Review
My outrage level about General Hospital was much lower than usual this week. In fact, I actually kind of enjoyed it. That is either because I was just so delighted by some of the great scenes (almost all of which involved Patrick and Robin), or because the show is actually getting a bit better. Usually I would dismiss the latter suggestion out of hand, because, well, you know . . . this show sucks.
But I think it's possible it actually was better this week, and I think it's not a coincidence that we had a mob-violence-free five days. With Jason in jail, he is less able to kill people for money, and with Sonny distracted by Kate and the humorously awful centaur statue, he is less able to order people killed and/or fret about his turf/the docks/coffee/whatever the hell it is we're supposed to believe he does as a mobster that is not involved with drugs, weapons, or prostitution because he's one of the good, morally superior, romantic leading man kind of mobsters that only exist in Port Charles.
I'll begin on a shallow note. I am crazy in love with Laura Wright's new haircut.
Screencap courtesy of Clarissa.
Also, I should warn you that I found her pre-Emmys co-hosting utterly charming and that may result in me be less annoyed than usual with Carly. I'm sure this will pass. Probably as soon as Carly . . . speaks. Or does something.
The best thing about Jason being in jail, other than that he is actually in jail so I therefore have to watch fewer conversations about killing people and assorted other mob stuff, is that Diane, Sonny and Jason's bitchy lawyer (who unabashedly loathes both of them), visits him and tells him what an idiot he is and details the various ways in which he is being stupid, particularly as it relates to Liz. I have grown to love Diane. Scolding Jason while simultaneously sarcastically mocking him? It’s like she’s me. Though I generally dress better. Oh, and then she capped off the week by warning Kate to get away from Sonny in the most succinct way possible: “Just get out while you still can.” Which, well, way to read my mind and speak for most of the viewing public, you fabulously-snotty-though-ill- costumed goddess.
So now for my absolute highlight of the week: Patrick and Robin. Here's the thing about their scenes, and why I almost always love them. It's not that I'm a 'shipper, or think that the two actors are the best thing ever to happen to daytime television. It's that their scenes should basically be the model for the whole show. Kimberly McCullough and Jason Thompson are great, but they're not miles better than the many other talented people on this show. (They do have a natural rapport with each other, and better chemistry than many of the couples, however. True story: The most common Google search that leads people here to Serial Drama is "are Kimberly McCullough and Jason Thompson dating in real life?" or some variation thereof. I enjoy the idea that Google believes we have the answer to that question.)
The problem with this show is you basically have a bunch of talented people forced to spout dialogue and participate in storylines that for the most part are uninteresting, offensive, nonsensical, or some combination thereof. But then you have Patrick and Robin's scenes, and they're a breath of fresh air. They're the reason I'm really looking forward to Night Shift. I am optimistic that Awesome Writer will be part of that team, because s/he clearly is writing most of the Patrick/Robin stuff these days. Funny scenes that are intentionally funny. Dramatic scenes that are not over-the-top and that do not involve the mafia. Storylines based on the hospital and the people who work there. It's bizarro General Hospital, and I love it.
So the week started most amusingly with Dr. Park (? - I can never remember his name and I suspect many of you can't either, so I'll give him a name we're more likely to remember) walking in on Patrick and Robin making out in the workplace (as you do).
Dr. Overacting: In my hospital, there’s only one word for this type of behavior.
Patrick (hotly): “Nookie”?
Dr. Overacting: “Unacceptable.”
Then Dr. Overacting started insulting Alan. Dickhead.
Patrick (hotly): And [Alan] was an excellent chief of staff.
Dr. Overacting: Based on what, the amount of nookie you scored during his tenure?
Patrick (hotly): Among other things, yes.
Hee. I think it's impossible for ironic use of the word "nookie" not to be funny.
So then Dr. Overacting scolded Patrick and Robin about hospital policy, and uninsured people being the dregs of society or something, in an obvious setup for the Night Shift spinoff. Patrick was hotly baffled and peeved (as was Robin; Kimberly McCullough's facial expressions are great)
then hotly defiant
so all was hotly well. But then, moments later, the downward spiral began.
It all started off innocently enough. To help a patient, Robin held a baby.
So cute. What could go wrong?
Well, Bachelor Patrick started to hotly freak out, most hilariously.
Someone took the baby away, and as she left Patrick looked at the baby like it was a rodent.
...which Robin saw, and then the fun began.
Robin: You saw that, didn't you? That precious little baby moment. Just because I had a tiny maternal moment doesn't mean what I know you think it means. It was just a spontaneous reaction, you know? I was holding her in my arms, I was looking in her eyes, which can barely even focus...I mean, I could have been a tree, or a chair, or a..a potted plant.
Patrick (hotly): A potted plant?
At this point, observers started to get nervous for Robin.
But she kept going.
Robin (now talking about a mile a minute): The point is, the baby had no idea who I was. All studies agree that, um, babies are cute and cuddly as a survival mechanism. Actually, studies don't agree on why actually they're so cute and cuddly. But studies do agree that babies are very expensive. And they get even more expensive as they get older. I mean, have you checked out the cost of a college education lately? Not to mention the midnight feedings?
Patrick: ::is hotly baffled and terrified::
Kelly, Lanie, and Epiphany: ::are sympathetic but horrified::
But she still kept going. You could almost see her visibly sinking as she dug the hole.
Robin: I mean, it's not like I haven't been sleep deprived for years. I mean really the idea of waking up in the middle of the night and feeding a baby over and over again, and holding it close in a cozy room . . . ::has the realization she has lost her damned mind, in public:: . . . I have rounds.
Patrick (hotly): Yeah, I've got rounds.
Then they each ran in separate directions. Now, maybe this scene wasn't as totally amusing as I think it was. That's possible. I may be over-identifying a bit. Like Robin, I have a tendency to try to cover awkward situations by talking. And then talking some more. And even when my brain knows I've crossed the "appropriate/non-appropriate" border, sometimes I just keep going. Because even awkward, one-sided conversation is better than silence. Right? RIGHT?! Oh god, I am so annoying. Anyway, a bit later, Robin did the classic de-brief with her friends. This scene, like the previous one, rang really true to me.
Robin: How bad was it?
Lanie: About the baby?
Kelly: Oh, pfft, it was nothing.
Lanie: Less than nothing.
Kelly: Doctors hold babies in hospitals every day. Patrick probably didn't even notice.
Lanie: Don't give it a second thought.
Robin: That bad, huh?
Lanie: Honey, why were you babbling on and on about babies to a man that you know is genetically predisposed to bachelorhood?
Robin: I don't know. I don't know. Honestly, I hardly ever think about having children. It was just that that baby was so cute and cuddly and what's so horrible about holding a baby?
Lanie: Nothing. All women think about having babies at some point.
Kelly: I don't.
Lanie: It's okay to admit it.
Kelly: No, I spend every day and most nights with babies on the way, babies just born, babies on ultrasound, babies on monitors, sick babies, sweet babies, cute babies . . . I love them, I really do, I just, I don't want to take them home with me.
Lanie: Hmm. Well, most women think about having children at some point. And that's all that you were doing.
Robin: Patrick probably thinks that I want to have a baby NOW, immediately.
Lanie: Yeah, I did notice a look of sheer terror.
Kelly: It was more deer in headlights . . . of a semi.
Lanie: Mmm, or like blind panic. ::helpful visual demonstrations of panic::
Kelly: Kind of, kind of like he was standing in the path of a tornado.
Lanie and Kelly: ::tornado noises::
Robin: Okaaay, women. I saw it too, okay? I was there. He's probably on his way to Vegas as we speak.
I so love Kelly and Lanie as Robin's friends, instead of as the terrible doctors they are most of the time. That scene was so much fun. Anyway, Patrick and Robin and their friends reacted to this awkward relationship moment as all reasonable adults do. They hit the bars!
Where Patrick hotly drank, and Robin's toast, much like the BabyBlabber, was awkward, long-winded, and received with dismay by onlookers.
But eventually Patrick and Robin mostly got over things (aka got drunk) and went home and made up (aka had sex). And all was right with the world. The end.
As much as I resent a major Laura-related storyline going on without Genie Francis but instead with a hat rack in a bad wig, I appreciate that we at least have Tracy. Tracy being maternal with Lulu this week was hilarious. Though her comment about not letting Lulu be “unsupervised”? She's an adult, not a puppy.
I love all those slightly frenetic scenes in the Quartermaine living room, particularly ones in which Monica points out that it is her damned house and she just lets the rest of them live there. It's not a newsflash, but this show would be much better off with more of this type of interaction.
I don't really want to talk about this whole Luke-kidnaps-"Laura" story, because the whole thing with Scotty getting guardianship is so completely asinine that I feel like I'm giving the idiotic writers credit by even pretending I can still watch this mess, but I will say that Tony Geary doing what I hope was an intentionally bad accent was mildly amusing, and if this means that we get to watch a bunch of veterans, who are not connected to the mob, interact for a few months, I guess I'm fine with it. If they make up for this crap by making Logan Scotty's son. Because that really needs to happen, and has almost endless soapy goodness possibilities.
Also this week, Sam -
No, I'm sorry, I can't. I can't even pretend to care about her. The only thing that caught my interest in the least about her this week was Amelia ratting out Sam's many [recently invented, totally implausible] misdeeds to Jason. Because 1) I kind of like that Amelia is both totally crazy and really, really bitchy, but without driving me insane like, say, Willow on Days did, and 2) maybe this will finally move this crap forward.
Kelly Monaco, how do you feel about the baby-crazed, borderline-stalker, mobster-worshiping, backbone-less, impossibly-backstoried mess of a character they are forcing you to play?
Screencap courtesy of Clarissa.
Yeah, me too.
I had a WTF moment this week. Emily said to some student nurse who I think based on the Emmy red carpet coverage is going to be on Night Shift: “I was a student not that long ago, so we have to stick together.” She was a student not that long ago because she started medical school like a year ago. Which was already ridiculous, because did she ever go to college? I know this is a soap, and I'm sure this is part of the many things they're doing to spin off the new show, but I think it should probably take someone longer than a hockey season to get an M.D.
I think I could watch soaps for a hundred years and never see a more intentionally hilarious piece of set decoration than this:
Sure, on Days you regularly have "snow" that doesn't melt, rocks that look suspiciously like styrofoam, boats that aren't surrounded by water, cell phones from the mid-1990s, and the occasional flying coffin, but this was an intentionally funny sight gag and -- possibly due to my affection for Kate and how she improves Sonny just by being in his general vicinity -- it made me giggle whenever they showed it. I also choose to believe that Carly didn't intentionally order something awful, that she would honestly look at that thing and consider it high art. You know she would.
Oh yeah, and a baby was kidnapped. Yawn. Could it be any more obvious that Heroic Jason is somehow going to be the one to find little Jake? I haven't read any spoilers, it's just . . . I have watched a soap opera before. And more importantly, I have watched this soap opera before.