My Life Is Complete
I was going to write an opening paragraph remarking on how the delightfulness of Days of Our Lives lately has totally blown my mind and how its soapy goodness was the perfect cure for a wretched day of extreme heat and people acting unbearably annoying, but OHMIGOD TONY DIMERA RODE IN TO MEET JOHN AND BO ON A HORSE
That trumps the need for a clever opening. This easily replaces the Melissa Gilbert as twins movie as the most awesome thing Thaao Penghlis has ever done and it could be one of my favorite moments in the history of ever. We might need to just cancel television because I don't know that anything will ever replicate the awesomeness of that moment.
But, yes, Days has, like wonderful reader andemcbeal mentioned, been entertaining in the good way. Let's take a look at the week...
(OMG A HORSE!!!)
Hey, John! Welcome back! I've missed you. It's really nice to see you upright and talking, rather than being comatose, or visiting people in dreams or, you know...doing whatever it was you did to Marlena that one time.
But can we keep this to a minimum?
I know you are a much beloved supercouple who was just reunited due to a near death, but seriously, back up off of that, please.
I'm surprised and pleased that they managed to keep the "Our love brought him back! Our love is like good medicine!" smugness to a minimum. Like, what the hell, has Marlena adapted a new philosophy where condescension is not in? The world feels all topsy turvy.
Oh, never mind, it turns out that what she's lacking in smugness, she's making up for with orgasm facial expressions in the background of a cute and long overdue scene with John and Sami and TMI discussion about having naughty sex with John. There's the Marlena we know and-there's the Marlena we know.
The sex kitten ship has sailed, Doc.
When on earth is Willow finally leaving? It seems like we learned of her imminent departure decades ago and yet she continues to pollute my screen with her mad eyes and her strange vocal inflections.
She did get off a pretty good jab at Shawn ("What are you gonna do, call me a skank, a whore? I've been called all that. You're not bright enough to come up with anything new"), but, I don't know, making a "Shawn is dumb" joke is like outrunning a three-legged dog. And, no, one snarky comment is not enough to make up for the "I DIDN'T SET THE FIRE!!!" whining she's done for the past few weeks despite the fact that she did, in fact, set the freaking fire.
But seriously, I am going to be okay with her continued presence on the show if we can have Hope slap her in every scene they share. In case you missed the magic the first time around:
I love you, Fancy Face!
I'm not feeling so much love for the new version of Stephanie. It's like they took everything I hated about the early days of Chelsea (minus vehicular manslaughter and an endearing portrayer) and slapped it on Steve and Kayla's kid who, considering her parentage, should be much cooler than she is. But between the "Papa" and the Deb wardrobe and bitchiness, I just can't make myself like her. Mostly because of lines like these:
Stephanie: We are the hot chicks who serve them drinks and wag our butts for the money boys. We get comped one night a week in sin city, plus an outstanding paycheck and all the tips we can stuff into our wonderbras.
Um, what? And also, ew.
So I am totally thrilled that the start of summer means that we're due to have a couple of months of wacky teen hijinx with Stephanie and Chelsea and the shirtless Max and Jeremy and Jett (Not to be confused with Jed, thank god, but still, not so much with the entertaining).
How "awesome" and "exciting" this summer will be. I "look forward" to watching the zany predicaments these "kids" find themselves in!
Speaking of zany predicaments: Belle, Shawn and Philip living together like one big happy...I don't know, what do you call it when a woman married a man that she didn't love and then had sex that she didn't remember with his half-nephew who actually turned out to be the father of her child, the revelation of which caused the woman and half-nephew to go on the run with the baby expressly to get away from the uncle/husband but, due to tragic circumstances, the three of them need to live together under one roof while searching for the baby? The word "family" just doesn't seem to do the situation justice.
Is the wardrobe department trying to test me? "I know she says she loves James Scott, but does she really? I know, let's put him in a pink shirt and purple tie and see if she still swoons".
Good try, wardrobe department, but I totally still swooned.
FUN FACT: James Scott's rapid blinking in his scenes is actually Morse code for "I love you dearly, Promising Ingénue . Someday, we'll be together".
I'm completely and utterly on board with the upcoming story about the origins of the Dimera/Brady feud. I think it's going to be fantastic. I'm super excited for Stefano, Lexie and Anna to be back, and I've totally been enjoying the Brady family scenes lately, now that they have finally accepted Sami as part of their family. I'm not optimistic about any of my other soaps this summer, but I know that Hogan won't fail me on this. You won't, Hogan, right? Right?!
I'm pretty much convinced that Bo and John deserve their own spinoff. They are hilarious! The show would easily be better than Everybody Loves Raymond. I know that is not setting the bar high, but seriously, they are fantastic together. Tony could make guest appearances as their miserable neighbor across the hall!
Bo: Nah. Too eerie. Could never sell it.
John: Yeah, it makes sense when you think about it. Wouldn't be much fun waging war on the Bradys if you had to commute.
Tony: I prefer eccentric. Crazy -- there's a big difference -- implies some kind of insanity. I'm as sane as the next man.
John: Sure, you are, if the next man is Stefano.
Bo: You always go riding in your living room?
Tony: It's a morning room, not that you two clowns would know the difference.
Bo: Kidnapped Sami and took her to a warehouse where your even more psychotic father was being prepped for surgery.
Tony: A warehouse? I got to get him better health insurance.
Hilarious! Intentionally hilarious! If you'll excuse me, I'm off to propose the sitcom to CBS, I think it would fit in nicely on their Monday night lineup.