Serial Drama

Soap I Don't Watch #1: Guiding Light

For the most part, SoapNet is one of the best inventions of modern times. (The list is something like 1. cotton gin, 2. TiVo, 3. internal combustion engine, 4. SoapNet/Bobbi Brown cosmetics (tie).)  Being able to watch soaps at night or on the weekends is great. I have TiVo, so I’m fine with recording them during the day to watch later, but there is a weird satisfaction in sitting at home at night and being like "Oh, Grey's Anatomy, so you say Izzie and George -- f'ing Izzie and George! -- are a couple now, huh?  Really?  Well, I'd rather click this little button right here and surf on over to another 'hospital' show that has one-tenth the medical accuracy, 'heroes' shooting at cops, and a wisecracking ghost in a track suit, so what do you think about that, you shark-jumping bitches?!"

Anyway, occasionally SoapNet does boneheaded stuff like pulling reruns of great soaps that haven’t been available to anyone for two decades in order to air recently canceled or inexplicably not-yet-canceled nighttime soaps that nobody cares enough to really watch during their first airings.  But then all is forgiven, because every one in a while, they have a super-fantastic idea. Previous examples include the Bo and Hope marathon, the Luke and Laura marathon, the Sami Brady marathon . . . pretty much marathons. I am emphatically pro-soapy-marathon.

So this year as a prelude to the Daytime Emmys, SoapNet whipped up some marathon magic in the form of an episode of each of the four shows nominated for Best Drama -- the Daytime Emmy Dramarama.

And since I 1) have the aforementioned marathon love, 2) only watch two soaps and really have no idea what else is out there, and 3) enjoy fictional people more than real ones, I decided to watch. And I thought, what would our readers like more than to hear my random musings about soaps that I know nothing about but that in all likelihood are near and dear to their hearts and therefore worthy of much better coverage than I could ever provide? I know, right? I’m always thinking of you guys. Anyway, here is the first in a series called Soaps I Don’t Watch.   

As the Scalpel Cuts: Not That We Mean To Imply Anything With That Title

Seeing Hunter Tylo at the Daytime Emmys reminded me of an article I read recently, the brilliance of which I had to share with you.  However, before we begin, let's assess how we all feel about Ms. Tylo's appearance of late, shall we?   Here she is at the Emmys. 

more at twiigs.com...

So, I had never previously read Soap Opera Weekly, but I recently picked up a copy (for research!), and...is it always this awesomely, slyly bitchy towards unlikeable stars?  I might have to subscribe. 

Let me back up for a second.  Neither of us here at Serial Drama watches The Bold and the Beautiful (Please don't bother commenting to tell us how we should therefore shut up about anyone on the show, because have you ever read this site before?  Shutting up is not what we do here).  But, both because of her [thankfully] brief tenure as Marina on Days and because she is all over the soap press, through the years we have nonetheless been exposed to Hunter Tylo.  Promising Ingénue has explained some of the reasons Ms. Tylo is a bit of an oddball (please especially note "agent of the devil" reference).  So imagine my delight when I saw on the cover of SOW that Ms. Tylo appeared to be coming clean about her myriad nips and tucks!  That kind of candor could make me get past the whole seems-to-be-a-whackadoodle thing.  But alas, the headline "Hunter Tylo:  Surgery Snafu" was about no such confession -- how silly of me to have misunderstood what was clearly not an attempt by the magazine to get in a dig at Ms. Tylo!  Here's the article itself:

Suck It, Lavery

During the Daytime Emmys, I made a spectacle of myself by loudly groaning and rolling my eyes when Cameron Mathison appeared to present. It was so bad that I couldn't even appreciate poor Thorsten Kaye, who was presenting with him. I mentioned this to Evil But Twinless (cunningly omitting the whole "caused obnoxious scene" thing)

promisingingenue (9:31:57 PM): I really can't look at Cameron Mathison without wanting to kick him in the shins

And poor, naive, non-AMC watching (and therefore good taste having) EBT had no idea why I would want to kick him in the shins. Little does she know! So I decided that the kindest thing to do would be to educate her on the myriad ways in which Ryan Lavery, as a character, sucks so badly that it inspires me, an otherwise rational person, to wince at the very sight of his portrayer. Luckily, my lecture coincides with a week in which Ryan was in fine form as the biggest asshole on television.

I actually don't have anything against Mr. Mathison personally. I'm sure that he is a perfectly nice man. I wish that someone had thought to suggest acting lessons to him at some point in time, because the hoarse way that he yells with crazy eyes to convey anger is really overdone. He could probably stand to spend some time on the backburner, but I can't really expect him to go to the producers all "Thanks for giving me so much work to do. The thing is, though, that I feel like it's time Aidan got a story of his own, so why don't I do Aidan's thing and he can be seen on camera? That work for you?".  And I am also annoyed that he's the new face of All My Children. Really? I guess I'm old-fashioned in that I think Susan Lucci should still be the face of AMC and if not her, then Alicia Minshew, but I am a total Kane fan, so I am slightly biased.

Ryan Lavery, though? Ryan Lavery sucks. Everything about him is annoying. Even his name is annoying, because all of the women on the show wail it dramatically at least ten times an episode with either glee ("Ryyyyyan loves me! And I love Ryyyyan!") or despair ("Woe is me! Ryyyyyan and I can't be together"). You know how Babe Carey is Sonny's counterpart, in that they are the two most despicable characters on AMC and GH? I think that the GH version of Ryan Lavery is Jason, because the people in charge of AMC similarly refuse to consider the notion that Ryan isn't the epitome of human perfection and wonder. While Jason is always right about everything, no matter what, Ryan is often very wrong and yet portrayed as being right just because he's Ryan. Who sucks, if I haven't made that clear.

Why the People Who Run GH Suck, Part 795

So, if you're in the mood to build on your anti-GH-rage (and who isn't?), pick up the latest Soap Opera Digest.  Among other things, there is an interview with Genie Francis.  An excerpt:

“The truth is, I haven’t been asked.  I don’t know why I haven’t been asked, but I haven’t been.  If it were a nice offer, I would be open to another short visit.  I have heard that if they’re able to tell Laura-based stories without Laura, thereby using the wig, they can get their bang for a Laura story but not have to pay me.  And believe me, money is not an issue here.  I don’t know if there will be [an offer] or if so, what it would include…[but] bury that damn wig!  It doesn’t match my color anyway [laughs].”

Kudos to her for being able to maintain her sense of humor, but seriously, the idiots behind the scenes at ABC Daytime and GH are trying to replace Genie Francis with a coat rack and a bad wig.  When she is willing to come back herself, and money is not an issue.  I can't really articulate what a stunning combination of stupidity and disrespect that is.

90210: The Pilot

Hi everybody! This is Lancer, 90210 aficiondado at your service, and ready to relive the glory days of West Beverly. I'm excited to be part of the team at Serial Drama; EBT and PI have set the bar pretty high around here, so if you're expecting their level of humor and wit...go read their posts. As for us, we'll be going through every episode of Season 1: from the pilot to the Spring Dance to the almost-move back to Minnesota for the Walsh Clan- and everything in between. Some episodes we'll do in running diary style (starting at the 0:00 mark on the trusty RealPlayer DVD thingie and working our way up), some we'll do by character, some we'll do by Top 10 Best/Worst Moments; and our editors are demanding at least one entirely from the perspective of James Eckhouse's bald spot. In any event, we'll have some fun, and all comments are welcome. And now, without further ado, let's travel back to that time long ago, wayyyyy back to October 1990, when the girls wore leggings, the boys rolled up their tshirt sleeves, Lancer was in the third grade, and there was a Bush in the White House fighting a war in Iraq...

New Feature Alert!

As you may have noticed, we have no shortage of opinions around here. We truly thought we really had all the hypercritical bases covered, but then a friend proposed doing some recaps of the now-vintage, always awesome early episodes of 90210. And since said friend is male (and therefore unlikely to steal our fashion thunder and also likely to bring a slightly different perspective to those crazy rich kids' exploits) we said sure! So, welcome Lancer, whom you can get to know using the very sophisticated likes/dislikes format that we're fond of around here.

Lancer90210 got his start in life in a place quite different from everyone's favorite zip code. From a young age, he displayed an uncanny ability to get his homework done and stay in on Friday nights. Now firmly entrenched in his mid-20s, in a job men the world over can only dream about, he's young at heart yet maintains an old soul. Like Dylan McKay, he's convinced he's been here before, and when he was, Kelly Taylor was there too.

His likes include hot weather, street hockey, witty banter, long-distance drives, corned beef on rye, public parks, marathons, C. Montgomery Burns, Snapple Peach Iced Tea, white dinner jackets, Sports Illustrated, the library, clicking the refresh button, Bruce Springsteen, the Supreme Court, nostalgia, breakfast, cocker spaniels, the 1960s, weddings, and the other side of the pillow. His dislikes include rain, the alarm clock, automatic transmissions, traffic jams, slow walkers, doing the laundry, missing the previews at the movies, lost chances, cliches, parking tickets, the time it takes to deplane, 'team-building' activities, non-HD channels, standing in line, and swiss cheese.

Another One Bites The Dust

According to her myspace, Adrianne Leon was fired from The Young and the Restless, making her the second awesome younger actress unceremoniously dumped from the show in the last nine months (remember Davetta Sherwood and how Lily and Daniel were an awesome couple? Those were some blissful times). I question the wisdom of firing a charismatic actress while keeping the one-note and horrible haired Adrienne Frantz front and center but, hey, I didn't just win half an Emmy for best show, so what do I know?

I really grew to like Adrianne Leon after not being a fan of hers when she did her stint on General Hospital. I think it was cemented when Colleen gave the awesome toast at Victoria's bridal shower. So I'm really sorry to see her go. Here's her announcement:

And the saga continues.....

Well, I wish I had a positive follow up to that last post but unfortunately- for me at least :)- This one isn't much brighter. You guys have been there for me through thick and through thin (pun intended :) ) and many of you....from show to show and character to character- so I felt that you had the right to know before everyone else. I absolutely love you all and know that this is the least I can do....

I was notified today that I will no longer be part of the cast of Y&R and that the last day I worked (last week) was actually my last day there. I wish I would have known that then... and had taken the opportunity to let everyone know just how much I enjoyed working with them in addition to how greatly they will be missed.

I love and adore the cast/crew and production and I am very thankful to Sony/CBS, Marnie Saitta, Barbara Bloom, Ed and Kathy, Y&R and all others involved in my casting.... for providing me with this amazing opportunity. It has been an honor to work with yet again, an award winning cast and crew (not to mention loving, supportive, professional....a wonderful second family)...and to have been part of not only an amazing show but the number one daytime drama. That's been a blast. I hold only fond memories (well minus this one) and wish the show all the best especially with their future Colleen plans. She's a wonderful character and has so much potential.

Emphasis added.

If that means what I think it means, then my feelings toward the current producers of Y&R are moving from mild irritation to outright anger. And what a way to fire her, huh? "Your last day of work was actually your last day of work ever. Thanksforallofyourhardworkgoodluckinthefuture,pleaseleavetheset". Ice cold.

So, what, in the past year Adrianne Leon, Davetta Sherwood, Eileen Davidson, Jerry Douglas and longtime producer Ed Scott (husband of Melody Thomas Scott) were dumped. Very, very interesting.

Our Latest Soap Opera Digest Column

Hopefully you already saw this in the issue that arrived in your mailbox or that you picked up at the newsstand, but if not here's our column from the June 19, 2007 issue of Soap Opera Digest, about the Daytime Emmy nominations and our expectations for the show.
 

Why the People Who Run GH Suck, Part 762

Due to the magic of TiVo (I want there to be an audio accompaniment every time I type that word, like angels in the heavens or something), I don't watch commercials.  I think this may be why it took me so long to become aware of Prom: The Musical, and why my understanding of paper towels' absorbency is limited.  Anyway, I fast-forward at warp speed, often not even looking.  Unless I'm directed to.  Reader ElementaryDays commented last night on something and I had to go back and see it for myself.  So I did.  Now, I'm speechless with Soap Rage.

Dateline:  Monday, June 18, 2007.  Three days after the portrayer of one of General Hospital's two signature characters won her first Emmy.  ABC Daytime runs a "congratulations on your Emmy!" spot . . . For Rick Hearst, who also won a supporting role Emmy.  Now, I think his Emmy was well-deserved, and of course the network should congratulate him on the win, but did I mention THAT'S WHERE THE SPOT ENDED?  Not a word about Genie Francis. I don't care that she's not on the show anymore--it's not like she was fired, they brought her back knowing it was just for a few weeks (please don't take that as an endorsement of that)--she blew the doors off the place, and for GOD'S SAKE she is Laura, as in OF LUKE AND LAURA YOU MINDLESS, HEARTLESS BITCHES.

Ahem.  If one were to want to commission very specific voodoo dolls, where might one do so?

Seriously?! Prom: The Musical?!

So, in the midst of our technical problems a couple of weeks back, reader Cori suggested that we check out a musical prom storyline that's happening on One Life to Live.  And intrigued though I was by the idea (Grease is among my top five favorite movies ever, and I've always thought the one thing missing from my prom was a preppies-vs.-stoners musical duel), we got consumed with Emmy week madness.  But SoapNet and ABC Daytime insist on peppering our inboxes with pimping of said prom musical, so we simply could not ignore it any longer.  Let's let Cori introduce the whole shebang:

Completely unrelated, it's a shame that neither of you guys watch OLTL because this coming week they're doing...I kid you not...a musical. "Prom: The Musical." Featuring silly dancing and romance between the son of a rape victim and the daughter of the rapist. There's a music video promo on the ABC website which is more than snarkworthy, even if you've never seen OLTL.

Cori said there was a video.  But I thought, how could I possibly enjoy an excerpt from a show I've never seen?  Well, live and learn, dear readers, because this is The Video.

'Fess up, that was at the very least more hilarious than all 57 seasons of Everybody Loves Raymond and Two and a Half Men combined, right?

And there's more!