Serial Drama

The Day's Most Awesome Dialogue

Hope, to Bo, as he's carefully trying to diffuse a spinning-ballerina-jewelry-box- encased bomb in the secret tunnel underneath the abandoned 1980s nightclub in which the human-and-feral-cat-hybrid formerly known as Lexie had been dwelling in her ski-masked, hissing glory:

Hope: Brady, listen to me, okay?  I have faith in you.  You can do this.  And not to put any more pressure on you, but for the love of god, for the sake of our children, do it, DO IT FAST!

I mean, do you even need any context to find that amusing?  It's unintentional soap comedy of the highest order.

Days Week in Review: Age-Old Stories

I will say this for Days of Our Lives, the creativity level of the writers has gone through the roof lately.  For a while there, by which I mean the last five years or so, everything you saw was something that had happened before, possibly even to the same characters, only the most recent time around it would take six months longer to tell the story than it had the last time around.  Well, those days are apparently behind us.  There are actually totally new stories being told!  Most are ridiculous, but we don't need to focus on that, do we?  We're all about positivity around here.

Then again, I only watch two soaps.  So maybe what I think are new and creative arcs are actually age-old stories, well-trod soap terrain that I'm just now getting exposed to. 

Take, for example, the age-old story of a doctor/human-and-feral-cat-hybrid trapped for months in a tunnel beneath an abandoned 1980s nightclub, who hisses, howls, and grunts her way to discovery by some of the town's upstanding citizens, necessitating cartwheeling through a hole in some drywall and instigating a karate fight with two senior citizens that is averted only by the realization that the woman she has just tried to strangle is someone she knows and who suddenly refers to her as her best friend.

I considered retiring from soap viewing after the Lexie scenes this week.  You almost had to find new bloggers, because Promising Ingénue came close to overdosing on awesome and I nearly just walked away, content that I had seen soaps get as cheesily great as they can be.

God bless these actors for taking the scenes so seriously.  I kind of want to frame this:

Have I mentioned how awesome it is to have Doug and Julie back?  And how I am totally astonished that Bill Hayes is 82 years old?

This was all just spectacular soapiness.  You knew it was really getting good when Kristian Alfonso busted out The Eyebrow.

She rocks.  Anyway, welcome back Lexie/Nell:

We've missed you.  Well, that's not true, I didn't really miss you at all, and I imagine all the people concerned about maintaining some level of quality control in the provision of medical services in Salem didn't miss you either, but you're back.  And you're a freakish, possibly brainwashed, hissing and grunting fool.  Which is, let's face it, an improvement for you.

General Hospital Week in Review

My outrage level about General Hospital was much lower than usual this week.  In fact, I actually kind of enjoyed it.  That is either because I was just so delighted by some of the great scenes (almost all of which involved Patrick and Robin), or because the show is actually getting a bit better.  Usually I would dismiss the latter suggestion out of hand, because, well, you know . . . this show sucks. 

But I think it's possible it actually was better this week, and I think it's not a coincidence that we had a mob-violence-free five days.  With Jason in jail, he is less able to kill people for money, and with Sonny distracted by Kate and the humorously awful centaur statue, he is less able to order people killed and/or fret about his turf/the docks/coffee/whatever the hell it is we're supposed to believe he does as a mobster that is not involved with drugs, weapons, or prostitution because he's one of the good, morally superior, romantic leading man kind of mobsters that only exist in Port Charles.

I'll begin on a shallow note.  I am crazy in love with Laura Wright's new haircut.

Screencap courtesy of Clarissa.

Also, I should warn you that I found her pre-Emmys co-hosting utterly charming and that may result in me be less annoyed than usual with Carly.  I'm sure this will pass.  Probably as soon as Carly . . . speaks.  Or does something. 

Daytime Emmys Recap: Best and Worst Dressed

As you may have noticed, we at Serial Drama are fans of the aesthetically pleasing. We love pretty things. And when pretty people wear pretty things, it comes close to making our black little hearts feel something akin to happiness.

And when people wear heinous things, well...actually, it still makes our black little hearts feel something akin to happiness, since we enjoy mockery more than almost anything.

So last night's Daytime Emmys made us happy for one reason or another. There was the sublime, and the ridiculous, and we loved each and every one.

Our Picks For Best Dressed:

• Genie Francis
• Julie Marie Berman
• Marcy Rylan
• Maura West
• Michelle Stafford

more at twiigs.com...

Our Picks For Worst Dressed:

• Ellen
• Gina Tognoni
• Kassie DePaiva
• Rachael Ray
• Tyra Banks

more at twiigs.com...

And then there was Peggy McCay. I don't even think it qualifies as a worst dressed; it's somehow even more evil than that. It's like the video in The Ring. In seven days, Peggy is going to come out of your television and smother you with her poncho.

Daytime Emmys Recap: Most Awesome Moment

more at twiigs.com...

Daytime Emmys Recap: Biggest Outrage

more at twiigs.com...

The Daytime Emmys Live Blogging Extravaganza!

We made it through the fashion triumphs and failures, now it's time to mock admire the life's work of a large room full of professionals!

• promisingingenue (9:00:37 PM): Effing Constantine!
• EvilButTwinless (9:00:24 PM):  Well, this year's show isn't opening with Rick Springfield, so it's already a downgrade.  But Constantine?  For real, that is sinking low.
• promisingingenue (9:01:23 PM): Oh, Genie! I want her to win so badly
• EvilButTwinless (9:02:37 PM): Genie!!!!!!! Eeeeeee!!!!!!  I could not be happier if I had won myself.  Well, that's not true.  But I'm really, really thrilled for her!  Suck on it, GH showrunners.

  

• promisingingenue (9:02:46 PM): Ohmigod! I am so thrilled for her!
• promisingingenue (9:02:56 PM): The bitches who run that show better be ashamed of themselves right now
• EvilButTwinless (9:03:44 PM):  Have I mentioned how fantastic she looks?!  And good for her for saying she's been waiting 31 years for this.
• EvilButTwinless (9:04:12 PM):  Ellen is wearing Col. Sanders' uniform.  Please explain.

  

• promisingingenue (9:05:00 PM): Maybe she lost a bet? It's tragic
• EvilButTwinless (9:06:29 PM): WTF is Cash Cab?  How is there a show on TV I've never even heard of? Bob Barker has this category sewn up, I assume.  Is there anyone on the planet more condescending than Alex Trebek?
• promisingingenue (9:06:42 PM): I have this weird thing against game shows. I can't explain it.
• EvilButTwinless (9:07:30 PM):  19 Daytime Emmys seems a little greedy, Bob.  But I'm not mad at ya.

  

• promisingingenue (9:08:24 PM): I know, right? What if random guy from Cash Cab doesn't get another chance?
• EvilButTwinless (9:09:01 PM): Only 11 people run The Price Is Right?  That seems incredibly efficient and capable.  Do you think they'd be interested in taking over a little show about a hospital?
• promisingingenue (9:09:26 PM): There's a soap about a hospital? I know there's one about mobsters on docks, but a hospital? Are you sure?
• EvilButTwinless (9:10:52 PM): My TiVo tells me that there's a show about a hospital and the people who work there.  But I don't believe him.  He's been known to lie to me before.
• EvilButTwinless (9:13:32 PM):  Like that time he didn't warn me that Elizabethtown would drain me of the will to live.  Stupid wrong star ratings
• promisingingenue (9:14:10 PM): I love the name Forbes March
• EvilButTwinless (9:14:27 PM):  It sounds like a verb, which is always the mark of a good moniker.
• EvilButTwinless (9:15:24 PM): Oh man, did Rick Hearst's clip have to be Ric berating a cancer-ridden Alexis?  I guess it did, since that's all the writers have him do.
• promisingingenue (9:16:13 PM): You know, he deserves it for not vomiting while acting those scenes out
• EvilButTwinless (9:16:18 PM):  Rick Hearst!  Yay!  I love him!  But this will encourage the writers, won't it?

  

• EvilButTwinless (9:16:47 PM):  He'll be sorry he mixed the black and navy, mark my words.
• EvilButTwinless (9:18:55 PM): Ha!  He totally just passive-aggressively slammed Jill Farren Phelps and the writing.  Marry me, Rick Hearst.   
• promisingingenue (9:19:19 PM): That was beautiful. I just--I want to cry

The Daytime Emmys Red Carpet Arrivals!

Start your hyper-critical engines, the Emmys are here!

• promisingingenue (7:00:30 PM): Eeeeeee!!!! Chandra Wilson is the best

  

• EvilButTwinless (7:01:03 PM): She is, but seriously, why is she there?  I cannot figure out her relevance.  If "longtime soap fan" qualifies you, why aren't we hosting?!?!
• promisingingenue (7:01:19 PM): Can you imagine? If they were still in NYC, we'd totally be there
• EvilButTwinless (7:02:51 PM): Ty Treadway is legendary?  I love Chandra, but sweetie, no.
• promisingingenue (7:03:52 PM): I LOVE Laura Wright's hair. But her cleavage terrifies me

  

• EvilButTwinless (7:04:30 PM): I'm beginning to think the braless thing isn't being forced on her by the GH stylists.  Le sigh.  Her hair and makeup are spectacular, though.
• EvilButTwinless (7:05:16 PM): Chandra says Kassie DePaiva "brings it" every year.  Whatever this is that she has brought, I do not want any.

  

• promisingingenue (7:06:09 PM): Gosh, for real. She has an awesome figure and really does look great most of the time, but this year is just like...no.  What is it supposed to be?
• EvilButTwinless (7:06:15 PM): Oh, of course it's Missoni.  The bane of my existence.  Responsible for easily a third of the fashion world's ugliest fabrics.
• promisingingenue (7:06:52 PM): Okay, I don't think Kim Zimmer is as wide as her dress makes her look

  

• EvilButTwinless (7:07:12 PM): And I don't think she's as 80-years-old as her hair makes her look.
• promisingingenue (7:07:32 PM): And could she not find oil blotting sheets? Eyes Lips Face has them for a dollar
• EvilButTwinless (7:08:35 PM): At least there was no crimping involved.  I am still recovering from that clip of her in the old Emmy winners' montage.  Her hair was like 18 inches high.  Who's this club kid that Laura Wright is interviewing?

  

• promisingingenue (7:09:09 PM): He plays Ji Min on Y&R and always looks quite dapper in his suits, so I am not sure why he's wearing a freaking sarong

  

• promisingingenue (7:10:55 PM): Apparently, Gina Tognoni was the producer's choice to replace Sarah Brown as Carly

  

• EvilButTwinless (7:12:34 PM): Seriously?  She's lovely but she doesn't seem very Carly-esque.  Wait, maybe I'd have to see her in a gold halter and crushed velvet palazzo pants to be sure.  [Edit:  At the time I was distracted by the Carly talk, so I forgot to mention that this dress is HIDEOUS.]
• promisingingenue (7:13:05 PM): I cannot stand Greg Rikaart on Y&R, but I will always cherish his role on Dawson's Creek. I feel very ashamed to admit that

  

• promisingingenue (7:13:14 PM): Is Chandra drunk? Or just nervous?
• EvilButTwinless (7:14:31 PM): I will always think of him as Tiny Elfin Gay David, thanks to Jessica's TWoP recaps.  Chandra might be a little drunk.  Oooh, or maybe she's actually a Soap Crazy! 
• promisingingenue (7:15:12 PM): Okay, I can't deal with Jason Gerhardt being married and Josh Duhamel continuing to date Fergie. If Peter Bergman loses tonight, I might not be able to go on

  

• EvilButTwinless (7:15:53 PM): Hee.  They're just doing it to torture you.  I know for a fact that Josh Duhamel, for instance, is not dating Fergie.  Because he's married to me.
• promisingingenue (7:16:17 PM): Yeah, whatever, heffa
• EvilButTwinless (7:17:44 PM): Why must you hate?  I am a good friend.  For example, I would never let you leave the house wearing half the ensembles we've seen so far this evening.
• promisingingenue (7:19:20 PM): Okay, WTF, Heather Tom?

  

• EvilButTwinless (7:19:38 PM): Oh dear god, I think I had a Glamour Gal with that dress.  In 1983. Her Fendi shoes want to come live with me, though. The Shoe Cam is love.

  

• promisingingenue (7:20:13 PM): Just because it's Christian Lacroix does NOT mean it's okay to dress like a Pretty in Pink extra.  Her shoes are awesome. But the hair. Like, how do you mess up a ponytail?
• EvilButTwinless (7:21:31 PM): It takes effort.
• promisingingenue (7:22:11 PM): Lesli Kay looks really pretty!

  

• EvilButTwinless (7:23:06 PM): She is very pretty.  Is everyone on The Bold and the Beautiful contractually required to be either bold, or beautiful?  Because up until now my only knowledge of that show was Ron Moss's mullet, which I suppose is bold...
• promisingingenue (7:23:46 PM): [comment about Hunter Tylo redacted for fear of lawsuit]
• EvilButTwinless (7:24:28 PM): She is...a unique individual.  Oh my god, Brian Frons.  Quick, someone, you have a clear shot!

  

• promisingingenue (7:24:52 PM): WHY IS HE RUINING THIS MOMENT?
• EvilButTwinless (7:25:28 PM): Jason Thompson is hotly...hot.  Is that a fauxhawk, though?  And is Kimberly wearing the dress that Robin wore to Jax's wedding?  I'm so confused.

  

• promisingingenue (7:26:01 PM): I think it borders on fauxhawk without crossing the line. And I do think she is wearing Robin's dress. But she didn't bother to brush her hair this time
• promisingingenue (7:26:17 PM): Lindze Leatherman's dress is really distracting me. I feel like a dirty old man right now

  

• EvilButTwinless (7:26:18 PM): Holy crap, Lindze Leatherman has a FANTASTIC body.
• EvilButTwinless (7:26:30 PM): I like how you disapprove, and I am in awe
• promisingingenue (7:27:01 PM): She's just so young! Won't someone think of the children?
• promisingingenue (7:27:19 PM): Her body really is awesome though. Remind me why Georgie is on the show every third Tuesday and not every day?
• EvilButTwinless (7:28:12 PM): Because she is not 1) in the mob, 2) sleeping with anyone in the mob, or 3) a brand-new character with no ties to the canvas that nobody cares about.  Duh.
• promisingingenue (7:29:00 PM): Yeah, that was a really stupid question
• EvilButTwinless (7:30:32 PM): Yeah, what are you, a PCPD cop or something?

Are You Ready For Some Emmys?

Tonight's the night!  The Daytime Emmy awards ceremony is tonight, and the Serial Drama Daytime Emmys Live Blogging Extravaganza starts at 7 PM with red carpet arrivals.  We're so excited, we could almost imitate Nell in a tunnel underneath a 1980s nightclub, or ride into a morning room on a horse.

To get the Emmy Day festivities started, I thought I'd link to a bunch of previous wins for the two shows I watch.  Well, it turns out that the last time Days won something videotape hadn't yet been invented, or something, or maybe no obsessive, tape-stashing Days fan has a YouTube account.  I don't know.  Anyway, that leaves GH.  Therefore, here are some of General Hospital's many, many previous wins.  Most were deserved.  Most.

• Tony Geary kind of kicks ass at the whole Emmy-winning thing.  Here he is winning for best actor in 1982 (I still need some help understanding that perm), 1999, and last year.
• Back when it was still kicking ass, General Hospital wins for best show in 1997.
• Steve Burton wins for best supporting actor in 1998.
• Stuart Damon wins for best supporting actor in 1999.
• Sarah Brown wins for best supporting actress in 2000.
• Maurice Benard wins for best actor in 2003. 
• Vanessa Marcil wins for best supporting actress in 2003.
• GH wins for best writing in 2003.
  
• Chad Brannon wins for younger actor in 2004.
• Rick Hearst wins for best supporting actor in 2004.
  
• Natalia Livingston wins for supporting actress in 2005. 
• And my personal favorite (which I've already linked to in a comment this week but I swear I think it's worth adding to every post), a win which falls into the "not well-deserved" category in my humble opinion, is GH winning best drama in 2005.  The clip is awesome because it features Eric Braeden blessing himself, Aretha Franklin being forced to make a terrible "respect" joke, and Jill Farren Phelps bellowing and then getting cut off after like 7 seconds.

Okay, I lied, there is one thing for Days fans.  It's not a win, though this tribute to MacDonald Carey might be even better than that.  Sniff.  Dr. Horton.

I Am Overdosing on Awesome

Ohmigod, you guys. OHMIGOD, YOU GUYS.

There are days when I am watching Days and seriously consider the idea that I must have hallucinated the entire episode because what happens is SO BIZARRE and yet SO BRILLIANT that it can't possibly be real and must instead be something that I dreamed one night after taking cold medicine. Except it's not, it actually happened. It's real and it's spectacular!

Today was one of those days.

It's getting to the point where I am going to have to start watching the show with a paper bag handy at all times because the pure amazingness is making me hyperventilate.

First, there was E.J.'s horrific yet hilarious comment about Coma John.

Then, there was TONY ON A HORSE.

And now we learn that Lexie spent her absence from the show turning into Nell and also a ninja.

I simultaneously wondered "WTF?!?!", asked myself why I still watch this show, penned Hogan Sheffer a love note for writing this scene and laughed so hard that I actually made myself snort.

She was HISSING. And she tried to choke Hope! While HISSING.

And then Julie stepped in to give the righteous smackdown.

"Don't even try it!"

If you ever meet me and I'm silent for a little while, it's just because I'm replaying that scene in my head.

I seriously didn't know what to do with myself when the episode ended. I had no idea what to think. I still don't. Why was she hissing, only to stop when she recognized Hope? Why was she wearing a ski mask when she was living underground for months?  Why am I not at all bothered by the fact that Hope's sister is married to her father? Why can't Julie go around beating down random characters? Why did anyone for one second entertain the notion that Lexie could be right and Bo could really be dead? How soon we all forget the days when Lexie declared an entire town's worth of people dead. Why did Hope's look of disgust when Doug suggested that they call Roman make me laugh for a full ten minutes? Okay, the last one is obvious. But overall, it's the type of episode best summed up with random punctuation !!!!!!!??????!!!!!!<3333???!!!!

And on top of that, Belle showed a personality and bordered on awesome. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE WORLD?! It's like up is down and left is right.