Serial Drama

Emmy Week Edition: Expression Hall of Fame

Since we no longer have the Soap Opera Digest Awards around to give out truly meaningful awards to daytime's standouts (Best Couple, Best Villian, Best Catfight Involving Food), we're trying to help out by adding some spice to Emmy week around here.  In that vein, I present our latest edition of the Serial Drama Expression Hall of Fame.  Unlike the Emmys, we have a reliable, scientific, beyond-reproach system for selecting our winner:  online polling!  Join us, won't you?  Here's the poll; photos after the jump.

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Emmy Week Day 3: Take the Lead

The nice thing about Emmy week is that it forces me to think positively and want to see excellent performers get recognition for their brilliance and it doesn't allow me to dwell too much about how much all of my soaps suck lately. Which they do. Like... a lot.

No! Stop! Positive thinking!

It would not be Emmy week if we didn't take a moment to relive the night Susan Lucci finally ended her streak and won the Best Actress Emmy. I was so excited when it finally happened. I may have actually squealed out loud. I will neither confirm nor deny. This neatly transitions us to the polls for the Lead categories!

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I Believe That Children Are the Future

My latest goal in life is to somehow, some way convince the producers of The Young and the Restless and General Hospital to agree to a crossover. Shockingly, I did not get the idea while daydreaming of Brad Carlton getting caught in the middle of a Port Charles mob war, although that is certainly an awesome side effect.

No, the reason that the denizens of Genoa City and Port Charles need to meet is simple: Abby Carlton needs to hang out with Cameron Webber as soon as possible, just so we can all see their facial expressions as they gossip about their parents. It would be a totally animated conversation!

I know that Abby is, like, kind of robotic, but I almost stood up and cheered for her during today's episode when she pulled a Brenda Walsh and succinctly told Brad and Victoria that she hated them both. The revulsion on her face was a thing of beauty. She totally deserves a spot in the Expression Hall of Fame.

Rock on, Abby. Rock on.

Disappointingly, Brad only had this to say in response:

If I were to tell Brad I hated him, that's all I'd get?! I think that was supposed to be shock, but I don't blame you for thinking it was horror, anger, sadness or glee, because they all look the same.

If only all Genoa City children were as awesome as Abby!

Emmy Week Montage: The First 25 Years

I heart YouTube.  I really, really do.  Here is a montage of Daytime Emmy winners from the show's first 25 years, which aired during the 1998 show.  I cannot decide what is the most awesome part.  It spans the spectrum from over-the-top cheesy to totally heartwarming.

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Cringing. Lots of Cringing.

Chelsea:  ...why don't you go put some clothes on?
Jeremy: I would, if I thought that's what you really wanted.
Chelsea:  What?
Jeremy:  Admit it, honey, you're diggin' it ::winks:: I saw you checkin' out the goods.
Chelsea: Oh my god, you really need to get over yourself.
Jeremy:  I'll try, babe.  If you promise to lighten up.  You are way, way too uptight.
Chelsea:  Thank you, but I really don't need to be taking advice from you.
Jeremy: Of course not.  What you need is written all over your face.  And I am more than happy to oblige.  ::forcibly kisses her::
Chelsea:  ::pushes him away::
Jeremy:  What'd I tell ya?
Chelsea: ::slaps him::  You ever do that again and I will rip your eyes out.  [Ed. note:  Aim lower.]
Jeremy:  Oooww.  A girl who likes to play rough.  I can deal.  ::forcibly kisses her, AGAIN::
Chelsea:  What the hell is wrong with you?  I have a boyfriend.
Jeremy: I know, [smarmily] "lab guy."  I was just goofin'.

"Honey"?  "Diggin' it"?  "Checkin' out the goods"?  "Goofin'"?  "I can deal"?  Winking?  Battery?  THIS IS NOT MIKE HORTON'S SON. 

I'm not sure the "smarmily" bracket was even necessary, because it's implied.  Just as Patrick on GH does everything hotly, Jeremy does everything smarmily. Jeremy, the son of two doctors, smarmily makes fun of a guy who works in a lab while he smarmily tries to force himself on his girlfriend's friend.  Ew.

Days, I guess I appreciate the effort to provide some new male hotness, but come on, this guy is less sexy than, I don't know . . . cancer.

Emmy Week Day 2: Let's Hear It For the Support Staff!

And, with that, Laura Wright and the GH wardrobe department promptly stopped reading.

The Emmy fun continues!

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The Day's Dumbest Dialogue

This show is effed up.

Watching Erica and Jack's divorce reality show (aka "This show is effed up, exhibit A") led Lily to reminisce about her marriage to Jonathan with heretofore unknown half sister Ava.

Ava: So he didn't cheat on you, or steal from you? His big and only lie was just pretending to be like you?

Lily: Yes.

Ava: That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard.

The "big and only lie" this grown man told was faking a mental defect in order to stay married to an autistic teenager. That's a pretty big freaking lie.

Incidentally, this grown man had previously kidnapped said autistic teenager and her two sisters. He also killed three men.

But he takes the pimento out of olives because he knows Lily doesn't like red and I'm supposed to swoon? As if!

Oh, and incidentally, Ava and the writers of this godforsaken show: it is not adorable and worthy of the twinkly music of "awww" that a grown man/murderer faking mental defects put a divider down the middle bed so he could sleep in the same bed as his autistic teenaged bride without them touching, because she doesn't like to be touched. That is not cute. That is not sweet. That just serves to remind us all that you wrote a story wherein a GROWN MAN/MURDERER FAKES MENTAL DEFECTS TO STAY MARRIED TO AN AUTISTIC TEENAGER.

Emmy Week Flashback: When Lucky Spencer Wasn't a Dim Bulb

As longtime General Hospital viewers know, the talented Jonathan Jackson won three (!) Daytime Emmys in the Younger Actor category for his portrayal of Lucky Spencer.  I like Greg Vaughn quite a bit (he is way hot) and enjoy his portrayal of Lucky (he is way hot), but I do miss the days when you didn't have to worry that Lucky might walk into a room and not be able to decipher how to get back out.  I know that's about the writing and not the performance, but unfortunately now I associate the dumbing-down of the character with the recast(s). (Things might be picking up in that department, though; I thoroughly enjoyed Lucky calling Spinelli out on his creepy obsession with baby Jake yesterday.  Also, Greg Vaughn is way hot.)

Anyway, here are some great clips from back when it was evident Lucky was Luke and Laura's kid:  Flashback that includes some of his first scenes on the show, meeting Ruby.  Lucky meets Emily.  Not long after that; Lucky's dog Foster gets hit by a car. Liz and Lucky's first kiss.  JJ and Tony Geary's final scenes together before The Fire.

And here are his three Emmy wins:  1    2    3

Much like many of you, I am totally rooting for the other Luke 'n' Laura offspring to win on Friday.  Julie Marie Berman is great, even if a lot of the writing for her of late has been pretty shrill and about as subtle as . . . well about as subtle as the GH writers know how to be.  By which I mean not at all subtle, not even a little.

Emmy Week Outrage: Nancy Lee Grahn Was Robbed!

One of the traditions before an awards show, at least in the world of hyper-critical bloggers, is to review the most egregiously overlooked performers.  With respect to this year's Daytime Emmys, the sum total of my non-nomination outrage can be summed up in three little words:  Nancy Lee Grahn.  Therefore, thanks to a combination of laziness and true dedication to the outrageousness of this oversight, I am re-running an old post.  I give you (again):   An Open Letter From Nancy Lee Grahn.

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From the Desk of Nancy Lee Grahn
If She Were Not Such a Nice Person*

Dear Daytime Emmy Voter-Types:

My therapist told me that I should write everything out in a letter.  I won't ever send it, but this way I can get all my feelings out on paper and vent about your idiocy, but still show up to the ceremony looking fabulous and non-homicidal. 

Mike, Robin? Can We Talk?

About how your kid is an asshole?

For me, Days of Our Lives' Mike Horton is forever and always Michael T. Weiss.  He was Mike number, I don't know, 27?  And he wasn't the last, but he was Mike when I started watching so he's Mike Horton.  I had a bit of a crush on him.  And yes, I'm aware of the mullet, and the terrible shirts and cheesy ties, and the unfortunate Three Stooges-esque sense of humor.  But Mike was adorable!  And charming.  And a smart doctor.  And a good big brother.  And a fun boyfriend.  I was in junior high, and he was dreamy.  Shut up, you know you thought so too.  (Also, he dated April, played by Lisa Howard, and I so coveted her hair.  I tried to give myself her layered cut.  That...did not go well.)

Anyway, he and Dr. Robin Jacobs, another smart, charming doctor, had a kid.  Named Jeremy.  He was just adorable.  Fast-forward 17 or so years.  This kid has reappeared and, how can I put this politely?  He's a total dick.  Are we supposed to believe Robin, and part of the time Mike, raised this sleazy idiot?  After making a "charming" debut as Stephanie's oversexed boyfriend who runs some shady airline that flies only the Salem-Vegas route (?!?!?!), today he showed up half naked and oily (which I'm pretty sure I was supposed to think was hot) and tried to force himself on Chelsea.  Who he's like an inch away from being related to (Chelsea's mom Billie's half-brother Lucas is Mike's half-brother too, right?).  Ew.  And from the preview it looks like he forcibly kisses her tomorrow.  Great.  If the Days writers are going to start copying other soaps, could they not choose GH?  I think I'd even rather they go with Passions and have witches and magical little people roaming about.