The Notion of Sam McCall As A Viable Character Finally Dies
After four years, character finally reaches the point of zero rootability
YOU KNOW THAT SHE'S NO GOOD Despite attempting to jump on the Amy Winehouse beehive bandwagon, Sam McCall remains a horrible character
LOS ANGELES--After a tumultuous four years that found her character sleeping with two men in one night, being a kept woman to a local mobster, wasting precious hours in an inane ballroom dancing plot, killing several men in self defense and sleeping with her mother's husband, the notion that Samantha "Sam" McCall is in any way, shape or form, was killed.
"You know, it wasn't easy, coming up with ways to completely decimate Sam as a character," a General Hospital writer, who wishes to remain anonymous, remarks. "No matter what we did, Kelly Monaco managed to bring some sort of charm to the role and people still liked her".
Writers knew that drastic measures must be taken to ensure that the character was stripped of all positive attributes.
"Yes, of course we wanted to see Sam stripped", a statement from the office of Brian Frons said. When told that the statement was referring to a metaphorical stripping of good qualities and not of clothing, the next statement released was a concise, "Well...then, no comment".
Viewers tuning into the "Who Kidnapped Baby Jake" storyline on General Hospital today saw Sam having a flashback to the day the baby was taken, where she creepily lurked in the park like a creep, watching Maureen steal the baby. Her repeated lies about her knowledge of the kidnapping, coupled with a horrific scene in which she remarked to the distraught Liz that, with the loss of Liz's child, they were "even, marked the end of Sam's reign as a character that people could root for.
"It's pretty awesome," the unnamed GH writer exclaims. "I don't know why we want people to hate Sam, but we do, and it's going to be near impossible for her to rebound from this. I mean, she [expletive] with the kid of the Port Charles messiah. You don't [expletive] with the kid of the Port Charles messiah!"
The writer continues, "We're not sure what the fallout is going to be, we haven't written that yet...we usually write scripts the morning that they're being filmed. But I'm pretty sure we're going to learn that Alexis is at fault in some way because, you know...it's Alexis".
Viewers are encouraged to deal with their grief by watching scenes from happier times, when Sam was not insane or part of a kidnapping, and to urge Kelly Monaco not to renew any contract with General Hospital, ever.