So I'm back from vacation, with access to a computer for the first time in ages. I'm catching up on a couple of weeks' worth of: soaps (summary: Days = upward trajectory continues, GH = circling the drain, except for my BFF and Scrubs), Promising Ingénue's hilarious posts, Lindsay Lohan's coke-fueled shenanigans, celebrity fashion missteps, vitally important shoe commentary, and world news (by which I mean, whatever world news makes its way to Wonkette), when my innocent internet-surfing eyes were subjected to the most puzzling and depressing "news" item in eons. And no, it's not about the Middle East or Darfur or Sienna Miller being named a fashion icon. It is, as all truly significant things are, about the Daytime Emmy awards.
CBS has released the official list of Daytime Emmy presenters, and, good news first, Tony Geary and Genie Francis will be presenting together! Nice move, GH. So nice in fact that I'm going to assume (given the ample amounts of evidence that the GH showrunners both hate Genie Francis and/or Laura, and don't like giving TV time to pairings with chemistry) that the GH folks had nothing to do with it. I like to imagine CBS doing an end-run around the ABC idiots to ensure Luke and Laura are together again. It would truly be awesome if they present the award in the younger actress category, since it will be a crime against nature, Orangina, lycra, and all other good things in the world if Julie Berman doesn't win that one. So anyway, yay! Cool presenters from GH.
Then I read a bit further and got to the puzzling/depressing part. The signature couple the Days of Our Lives powers-that-be have decided to highlight on this nationally televised prime-time event is . . . Steve and Kayla? Bo and Hope? John and Marlena? John and his eyebrow? Sami and Lucas? Victor and his mustache? Chelsea and Nick? EJ and his sexgodliness? Sadly, none of the above. They have selected . . . DRUMROLL, PLEASE . . .
Shawn and Belle!
Seriously. Brandon Beemer and Martha Madison. What?! Is there a single fan of this pairing anywhere on earth? And if so, why? I mean, even if I could get past all that purity ring/unconscious sex in a burning barn bullshit from a few years back and take them seriously as an adult couple, I'd still be left with the fact that Belle is a robot from the 1950s and the most significant thing they've done as a twosome is throw their toddler off a cruise ship. As recently as a few months ago, Shawn was sleeping with a pyromaniac hooker while Belle was, well, what was Belle doing? What does she ever do? She has no job, no life really besides whichever guy she happens to be dating/marrying (aka "whining at"), unless you count raising that baby who, let's be honest, doesn't appear to be terribly fond of her. (I actually read an article in which Martha Madison, who seems quite cool, said that one of the twins who plays Claire hates her and they sometimes choose to use that one specifically depending on the scene. Hee!)
Anyway, neither of these actors originated the characters so it's
not like they're drawing on some long history together. Who actually
cares about this couple, and even if they do have a fanbase, how can it
possibly be significant enough to warrant them being the only Days
cast representatives at the Emmys? Is everyone else boycotting on
account of the show not getting a single acting nomination? Is the Days table
just going to be Brandon (hopefully shirtless) and Martha, plus some
key grips and camera operators and a James E. Reilly dummy [redundancy alert] being burned in effigy?
To cheer myself up I tried to look at the list of presenters to see who was most likely to make our first annual Serial Drama Daytime Emmy Live Blogging Extravaganza more interesting. A fashion success or failure is possible with every presenter and attendee, god bless them, and then the substance (or "substance," since this is the Daytime Emmys we're talking about) is promising too. Tyra Banks is likely to have some hellacious weave or declaration in support of curvaciousness about which we can wax poetic, Ellen is incapable of not being entertaining, and Joy Behar might decide that the time is finally right to push Elizabeth into an orchestra pit, so overall I'm very optimistic. (By the way, does Mario Lopez's presence on that list mean he got the Price is Right gig? Bob Barker to AC Slater? Downgrade!)
Oh, and Peter Bergman is presenting, which means after that point in the
show I'm going to be on my own, unless I can find some
smelling salts for when Promising Ingénue passes out due to an overdose of "eeeeee!!!."