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« General Hospital Week in Review | Main | The Day's Dumbest Dialogue »

July 01, 2007

Days of Our Lives Week in Review

There's so much awesomeness on Days these days, I feel like I need to implement an awesomeness rating system.  If I had any graphics capabilities, I would totally create a scale like the terrorism alert one, with levels somewhat along the lines of:

1:  "you baby-stealing BITCH!!!"
2:  people who are above the legal drinking age being the focus of multiple episodes
3:  NellLexie.  Nightclub tunnel.  Julie Horton karate-stancing while Hope eyebrows.
4:  Tony ON A HORSE/EJ mocking comatose John
5:  supercouples on a crazy adventure in an exotic locale in the 80s

But then I'd be tied to those designations, and there seem to be new levels of awesome every week that deserve to be incorporated as warranted.  So we'll go with this scale for now, but I will be on the lookout for new additions.  This is new territory for me, enjoying a soap on a weekly basis, but I think I can handle it.

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Steve basically spent the entire week being totally awesome.

Dancing

Stevedancing

trying to get Bart to dance

Stevebartdancing

trying to get Tony to dance

Stevetonydancing

drugging people

Tonyannadrugged

making out with Hope and then teasing Bo about it

Stevehopekiss

and having the quote of the week (about Tony):

Stefano:  You know, I think this is the moment for a little explanation here.  Beginning with the fact that my son is out on that couch.

Steve: Well, my guess is they discontinued his tanning products.

Haaaa!  (I thought Kristian Alfonso was going to lose it.  I wonder whether it was an ad lib.  Totally hilarious.)

Awesomeness level:  5

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Sami having twins is great, especially if they do go the soapy route and have one be EJ's and one Lucas's.  However, I am perplexed as to why, since Lexie (the worst doctor in the world) was not Sami's ob-gyn, they didn't discover until like month six that there were two fetuses in there?  Other than "uterus occupied?  yes/no" (a threshold question that "Dr." Lee on GH hasn't quite mastered), it seems like the number of heartbeats and so forth would be quite obvious to even a sub-par physician. 

I like that it's not a big stretch that Sami would have twins, too, since she and her mom are both fraternal twins themselves (I imagine Marlena is an especially, um, fraternal twin these days, since I suspect it's unlikely Deidre's non-famous sister is as well-preserved, right?). 

Anyway, overall I hope for awesomely soapy possibilities with these two upcoming babies and their parentage.  And I kind of hope the boy is EJ's, if only because when they SORAS him in a few years to his early-20s, the casting department will be forced to cast someone who looks like James Scott. 

Awesomeness level:  3

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This story of the mystery of who killed Colleen Brady is shaping up better than I expected.  Usually on Days the viewer can figure out the answer to a "mystery" months before the writers reveal it, but I really don't have a clear idea of where they're going with this one.  My only quibble is with the stupid photos of "Colleen" (Ali Sweeney with her hair curled) and "Santo" (James Scott in a mustache that even the worst prop comedian would reject as too obvious; last week when someone asked EJ if he saw the resemblance, I about died laughing). 

But at least the stupidity is making me laugh, instead of rocking in the corner as in years past.  And the good parts of the storyline are truly enjoyable to watch, especially because they involve all the Salem veterans.  I've been conditioned by years of watching General Hospital to be befuddled when I see a non-mobster over-40 character in a front-burner storyline, but I'm getting the hang of this whole "enjoying the hell out of seeing actors you grew up watching kicking butt and making a show fun again" thing.

Awesomeness level:  4

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Anna flirting with Tony and arguing with Roman was campy and delightful.  Leann Hunley is a bit over-the-top, but in the most enjoyable soap diva kind of way.  Like Promising Ingénue, I wasn't watching yet when she was on the first time around, so to me she's Tamara, the teacher lucky inappropriate enough to sleep with Pacey on Dawson's Creek.  (Not that I watched Dawson's Creek.  I, uh, read an article about that storyline.  I think it was in Newsweek.) But I like Tamaranna already.  Especially because she mentioned the Cheatin' Heart!  I thought everyone had forgotten about that charming little dive bar.

We won't discuss the alleged Roman/Tamaranna sex; I'm sure that's some kind of weird Friday misleading cliffhanger.  It is, right?  Please say yes.

Anyway, happier thoughts!  Look, it's Tony and Anna's wedding! They both look gorgeous!  (Could it turn out that at some point she secretly had his kid?  Competing DiMera heirs!)  Eugene and Calliope are there!  And Kimmie Gibbler is Carrie!  But oh my god her 80s wedding gown and hat (!)

Awesomeness level:  4 (I retain the right to deduct points depending on the Roman outcome)

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There was, however, some non-awesomeness this week.

Take for example: the bad sex, the talking about the bad sex, the destruction of Nick as a character.  This would have earned an even lower rating, but there is a bit of poetic justice in someone switching Sami's paternity test results without her knowledge, so that bumped it up a bit.  (I still think this show has got to stop going to that test-switching well, though.  It is way past dry.)

Awesomeness level:  -4

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Why are they writing Billie as a moron?  Telling Kate something she could use against Sami?  What?  That was so stupid.  And could they please give Billie something to do?  Julie Pinson is great and way too good to just pop in once or twice a week to roll her eyes at Kate or express her disappointment in Chelsea.  Are they completely unable to write for a woman who is not in a romantic relationship, unless she's a professional bitch (Kate)?

Awesomeness level:  -2

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Belle still bores me to tears.  I cannot muster any interest in her, or by extension whether she's with Shawn or Phillip.  She had that great shining moment a couple of weeks back with the "you baby-stealing BITCH!!!" gloriousness, but now she's back to yawnville.  Maybe Sami could sell her on the black market again.  That could be interesting.

(I do, however, continue to find it immensely entertaining that one of the twins who plays Claire seems to hate poor Martha Madison.  She is physically repelled by her.  It's too funny.)

Awesomeness level:  -3

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Why is Kayla at some stupid conference?  And where the heck is Adrienne?  Plus, are they ever going to mention Justin or any of her four [invisible] children?

Awesomeness level:  -2

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This week, Jeremy built on his already stellar base of jerkitude.  He smarmily piloted a plane, smarmily did business with EJ, smarmily continued to paw Stephanie, smarmily revealed a "business partner" who I'm pretty sure is Jeff Spicoli.

Every minute I spend watching this whole Touch the Sky Airlines ridiculousness deletes IQ points.  And I don't have that many to spare!  I would like for this arc to wrap up soon, but I don't really see that happening.  (The only bright spot this week was Chelsea mentioning Heathers.  Love!  Though do kids her age actually know that movie?  I feel like it's not as timeless as Fast Times or Clueless or Mean Girls and so maybe that was the writers getting a fun line in for themselves.)

I internet-hate Jeremy.  Therefore I am unable to allow a discussion of anything associated with him to be attached to a level of awesomeness, even negative awesomeness.  Are you happy, Jeremy?  You smarmily ruined my theme for the week.  Bastard.

Screencaps courtesy of Days of Our Lives 2.

Comments

Hilarious post, as always. But yeah, I'm 17, and I've seen Heathers.

17 as well, I know Heathers, too.

You hit the nail over the head so many times. Tamaranna makes me so happy. Steve does too. Over at the Television Without Pity Boards, we think of Steve as a TWoP character. He's snarky, sarcastic, and says what we're all thinking.

I'm so sick of Jettsea. They've existed for -five minutes yet I'm supposed to buy their "attraction." Eh, bite me. Dude is as bland as cajun rice without the cajun.

I know Mary Beth Evans is still out doing I Wanna Be A Soap Star but she should be back soon.

Why can't GH be this good?

Another great post. Loved all your points. The Steve/Hope moment was my highlight. It was like watching siblings kiss and KA's eyebrow probably needed muscle relaxers when she was done. So awesome!

And count me in on hating the destruction of Nick's character. It's bad enough for us to find out he didn't make his girlfriend happy in bed, but to let him be blackmailed twice is just lazy writing IMO.

Loved it!! (show & your post)

I cannot STAND it! I have to watch this at least 2 times a day: http://youtube.com/watch?v=RQClsGheiTo&mode=related&search=

...it is really the best thing to happen to me since I found this site!
:D~~~

"Oh Tony, Tone, toni!"

Oh and the beginning of this is hilarious (the pics)!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=ial8kpo3HAs

Loved the Steve stuff and the pics. It is so cool to have this character back as himself, although Nichols did a fantastic job with the wounded, crazy Steve stuff as did his partner Mary Beth Evans. She rocked her angsty scenes!!!!

Great review- especially when it comes to Steve!

I'm 19 and yes, I have seen 'Heathers'. :)

Ok, before I read this, I said to myself that I am going to try to be more objective with whatever you lay on Marlena this week. But she really has not had plastic surgery. Someone (a tabloid I think) even had some plastic surgeon look at all the daytime stars once and even they concluded she didn't. Deidre's twin (identical, actually) was on a few years back and also looks terrific. Sure, maybe Deidre can afford a few more microdermabrasion treatments than her sister, but that's the extent of it.

Aw, why'd you have to go and associate Jeremy and Spicoli (one of my all time favorite characters in the history of the moving image) in the same frame of reference? One is pure hate and the other is pure love. It confuses my heart.

So here's the thing...that Steve and Hope smooch made me scream all the way through. And it took about a full hour for me to get through it because of all the alternating pausing and screaming and averting of the eyes. Can't help it. I'll forever be that 11 year-old girl 80's-supercouple-shipper. Thank god for KA's fabulous awkwardness during the whole thing. But dammit, SN was just a bit too sexily convincing with that added "taste so good, baby" line. ::cringe:: Steve and Kayla are gonna need a lot of grab-assary to help unsquick me out. With Hogan's aversion to soapy sex, I'm sure that won't be happening, though.

From the Above Absolute Awesomeness to the Beyond the Breadth of Boredom, your recap of the week's Days was, as always, Perfect. Thanks Evil But Twinless!

ps...while Chelsea lacks awareness in all other aspects of life, I've fanwanked that her sense of pop culture awareness is still intact, hense the Heathers reference.

Ellie, it's pointless for us to argue about this because obviously neither of us can be 100% certain. I think Deidre Hall looks amazing and not even just for her age, which is, let's remember, 60!!! If, hypothetically, she has a plastic surgeon, s/he should do everyone's work, always. If you look at pictures of her through the years (or if you've been watching for a couple decades), there are . . . differences (and a lack of other differences, despite the passage of time).
http://www.bethsdayspage.com/days/characters/Marlena.html
I actually think she's better looking now than in the 80s, but if she hasn't had help then she has genes unlike that of any other human. There's not a line on her face!

On a totally different note, it warms my otherwise almost unwarmable heart that so many of you young 'uns have seen Heathers. "I love my dead gay son!"

I loved Tony and Anna this week. Stephen Nichols was obviously the star of the show this week. He was just so funny. Basically I agreed with everything you say.

As for the Dee Hall/surgery thing, at the DOOL 40th anniversary party, Dee looks NOTHING like her twin. I do agree that she looks better than she did in the 80s.

To show how old I am, I can remember watching Deidre in a Saturday morning kid show called ElectroWoman and DynaGirl. And I am much happier seeing her smooch Drake than Jed Allan, which she did, back in the day.

And Eugene and Calliope? YAY! That's it. I'm watching again.

Good gravy!! Was that Mary Hart in the background of the anna/tony wedding? And why is Anna wearing a white pancake for a hat? Calliope's bride and groom cake topper hair piece was perfect. I love your rating system, darling. I've chosen to pretend like Jeremy doesn't exist. And neither does Max when he is under his influence. How did we go from Max romancing Abby to Max swingin' with Vegas hooker twins?

Because deep down, Max is a dirty old perv, hence the niece-lovin'. That's Liz Chandler/Gloria Loring in the background there, fanci pants. She was the resident "easy-listening" vocalist back in the day. I miss her cheestastic stylings. That explosion of tulle on her head is a squinter, but I'm more concerned with the white potato sac Anna's wearing down past her hips. Don't do that to that fabulous body, Anna.

I forgot to mention this: I LOVE HOPE"S HAIR! I'm sooo getting that cut.

I was just saying over at TWC that Kristian seems so alive and happy now. She was genuinely bubbly all last week, being so flirty with Bo.

Everything with the DiMeras and the older Bradys last week was made of win.

I am just so deeply, deeply jealous of the awesomeness that is Days right now. My bitter GH-watching heart can hardly bear it.

Agreed, agreed, agreed.

It was also nice to see both Hope and Marlena acting like real mothers.

And I hope whoever did Julie Pinson's makeup was new. She looked all pale and waxy. Not a good look for her. But maybe that's why she is single and has no life...

I floved this week in review. You are totally right that Days is all kinds of awesome right now (the non-aweseome things you noted aside).

Steve owned last week when he decided to crash at the DiMansion for awhile. The eating, the dancing, the snarking, and even the Hope snogging (which squigged this S&K shipper just a bit). Now, if we just get Kayla back and the writers are smart enough to let her be awesomely awesome too, I'll be one happy camper.

Anna it just fantastic and her scenes at the DiMansion were great. Bo and Hope have topped the chart on cute and schmoopy without going overboard and the interfamily DiMera squabbles are just fun.

I wouldn't have thought I'd have said this a year ago, or 3 months ago, but it's great to be a Days fan right now.

Not to get too deep into the "Deidre Hall Has A Fantastic Plastic Surgeon: Y/N" question, but I just want to point out that some shots of Marlena are very, um, fuzzy. As if there were a filter on the camera. NOT TO SUGGEST ANYTHING IS WRONG WITH THAT.

Also, occasionally, you'll get a shot of her hands, which actually show her age, and has given her a nickname in my house: The Claw.

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