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« Days of Our Lives Week in Review | Main | I Am A Horrible Person »

July 29, 2007

General Hospital Week in Review

I should have known better than to hope based on last week that this show might start to get consistently good.  I don't know what I was thinking.  It must have been that doesn't-actually-exist aphrodisiac/upper that I accidentally took instead of my vitamins.  I hate it when that happens!  Anyway, there were a few fun moments, but you know it's a slow week when the big Friday cliffhanger is . . . Jason's trial is about to start.  The murder trial of the central character of this show, who if he were to go to prison would eliminate 80% of the storylines.  So I am just anxious as all get-out about the outcome of the trial (it's such a close call!), and find its looming start to be fascinating TV.  Or, I find the ongoing saga of "what will Steve Burton do next to make his hair even more grievously unattractive" to be the more compelling suspense plot.  You decide.

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I think Alexis and Carly should have gotten a 13-episode spin-off.  They are fantastic together.

Carlyalexis_2

Carlyalexis3_2

Carlyalexis2_2

I would totally watch it.  Alexis could teach Carly about the benefits of foundation garments, inside voices, how to make Sonny tolerable, what a professional woman's wardrobe should look like, and how to raise your older child not to be a demon spawn.  And Carly could teach Alexis . . . well, Alexis could teach Carly lots of stuff and Carly's hair could look really cute while she got schooled.

In the meantime, Carly continues to be all Carly about everything, this week going to yell at Jason in prison.  Again.

Carlyjasonprison_2

You know, given that the writers keep telling us how these two are best friends, it's a bit puzzling that Jason appears to openly loathe Carly.

Carlyjasonprison2_2

Dude, I've tried that, and it so doesn't work.  You can't close your eyes and will her away.

And Jason got yet another visitor, Lulu.  This was puzzling.  What is the benefit of her going to see him?

Lulujasonprison_2


And when Lucky finally finds out about Jake's paternity* (let's assume for the sake of argument that happens in our lifetimes), I imagine he'll feel betrayed enough that Lulu knew.  She feels the need to pour salt in the [hypothetical, future] wound by visiting Jake's hitman babydaddy in prison?  O...kay.  They already have Lulu with a foot in about six different stories; I would really be fine if she stepped out of this one.

* After someone tells him, with accompanying DNA test and illustrations, then reenacts the one-night-stand via interpretive dance, and Elizabeth dresses Jake in an "a hitman knocked up my mommy and all I got was this stupid onesie" outfit.

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The GH writers crack me up.  "Hey, I know what the women who overwhelmingly comprise our audience want:  unlikeable chicks fighting over a guy!  It's so hot!"

Ugh.  Fortunately, they'd already destroyed the two characters involved, so I really couldn't care less about the battle of the mob apologists.

I lied.  I got a tiny bit of satisfaction out of Sam backhanding Carly.

Samslapscarly_2

But then they started flying and rolling and other crap, and it was all about Jason in the first place, so I lost interest.

Samcarlyfight_2

A more righteous reason for a showdown could have been that there's only room for one hideous dress-over-pants combo in any given room, so one of them had to go.

Samcarlydresspants


That is just so, so wrong.  I need to go gaze at my Prada loafers to erase those images.

Anyway, the fight.  Since neither of these two ever behaves like a petulant child, I'm sure they'll move on and not hold a grudge.

Samcarlyfight2

Uh-huh.

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When I grow up, may I be Anna Devane?  Sure, the whole "is fictional" thing would mess with my career prospects, but I think I could live on fabulosity alone.  (I am close to OD'ing on fantastic returning 80s heroines named Anna -- Finola Hughes on GH and Leann Hunley on Days.)

Anna and Noah (as Eli) scenes in particular make me giddy with soap happiness.  This week, Anna fending off the groupies was awesome.  "Oh my god, he's SO busy later."

Annanoah

And pushing the body shot woman off the bar?  Hee!

Annapushesgroupie

A big part of Anna's entertainment value is in Robin's reactions to her.

Annapushesgroupierobinreaction

I'm not sure what's going on with Patrick being hotly befuddled in that shot, because in general the two of them have been entertainingly in sync about their wariness of their parents' antics.  I love Patrick and Robin bantering about Anna and Noah hanging out, and Robin's horror upon discovering they were probably hooking up.  Although, are the hot young doctors pretty much only going to be on on Thursdays, now?

Scrubs

It must be Night Shift day!  Because the show opens with Patrick and Robin and then the parade of randoms begins.

Studentnurses

Those student nurses are already of marginal intellect and entertainment value; I'm not sure learning at the side of Epiphany is the way to improve things.  In fact, I'm sure it's not.  Seriously, if Night Shift is this bizarre alternate universe in which nothing that happens there is actually happening on this GH, why do they have to roll out the NS cast on GH every Thursday?  Just leave them in their universe.  Billy Dee can entertain them with Irish folk songs, and shiny objects.

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Everyone from Edward to Monica to Alice (the maid, for god's sake) forbidding Lulu (an adult) from seeing Logan was outrageous.  Should we start keeping track of the things these writers think adult women cannot do?

  • decide who to date
  • take care of their children (if said woman has cancer)
  • expect to give birth without getting shot in the head
  • resist the romantic advances of mobsters
  • make it through a pregnancy without falling down stairs

I'm sure I'm missing lots.  Help me out in the comments?

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This week in the "seriously, how jacked up is this show's moral compass?" file:  Jason is handcuffed, charged with murder (which he did commit), and he's ambushed by hitmen of the guy he killed, thereby getting an innocent guard killed and endangering several other innocent bystanders.  But he comes out the hero.  Because despite the fact that they were in front of the the police station, there were no cops around to save the day.  Afterwards, a [hot, underused] detective complimented Jason's “sharpshooter” skills, and Maxie referred to him as Superman.

I know I should stop being surprised by this kind of thing, but then I think if did it would mean I was totally dead inside.  Which would probably interfere with my ability to shop, and get my nails done.  So I'm going to try to continue to be appalled.

Carly's reaction to the shootout was classic.

Carly: At least Jason’s okay.  I mean, you should have heard the shots.  They were bad.

As opposed to the types of gunshots that sound like kittens meowing?  Oh, no, I guess she means they were bad because they didn't originate with either of the show's two romantic leads.  How silly of me.  Only on this show would you need to distinguish between good and bad gunshots.

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I'm not going to further discuss Sonny and Kate having sex.  I'm still embarrassed by my unwarranted optimism last week. I am at least gratified that it appears Kate isn't going to fall all over herself to get into a relationship with Sonny.  Yet.

Sonnykatemarble

Oh, there is one thing.  I don't mean to suggest that I have a better understanding of creative bankruptcy than the professional writers at GH, but  when you use marble (!) as a "romantic" plot contrivance twice in four months, I think it might be time to have a group chat.

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Will there be a more random sexual encounter on GH this year?  Or ever?

Jerrykelly

I'm really not enjoying Kelly's Sexual Shame Spiral.  Or am I supposed to pretend her Night Shift hookups aren't happening, so this is just a one-time thing?  I hate that the idiots behind this show can actually confuse me.

The most true-to-character moment in all of that mess was Carly barging in on them and then hanging around to berate them, instead of flipping a u-turn and leaving like any decent person would.

Jerrykellycarly

You stay classy, Carly Jacks.

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Just checking in on . . .

Kate's hair?

Katehair

Still glorious.  Could possibly hold key to ending world hunger.

Liz?

Lizprison

Still inhumanly pretty, but testing my patience with her Jason-adoration.

Logan?

Logan

Still brutally hot.

Logan and Scotty?

Loganscott

Still eerily identical. 

Carly?

Carlybraless

Carlybraless2

Still lawlessly braless.

At least there are some things you can always count on with this show.

Screencaps courtesy of Clarissa.

Comments

No surprise here, but...this week's column AGAIN surpassed GH in terms of humor, entertainment, character insight, audience awareness. If we ever see the end of the Frons, Guza, Phelps era, I might cry with joy. Keep the blogging - it motivates me to keep watching the Jason and Sonny Hour.

Adult women can't be in a romantic relationship and maintain their dignity!!!!!

They can't drive, well at least Carly. She did once and it lead to a repeat of "I faked my death after driving over a cliff" storyline.

Sleep with a mobster anywhere other than a sleazy bar or an skanky black satin sheets!

Seriously, the only thing I pause to watch on this show now is Eli/Noah/Anna. My writing partner and I invented ANNOAH over a year ago and I peppered Frons with emails about it. I can't believe he actually listened. Or stole. Truthfully, the storyline is actually fun once I got over the ridiculousness of the look alike thing. I don't, however, get Robin's reaction to it. Her mother is an adult. She has sex. It doesn't make her and Patrick brother and sister. Is this immaturity supposed to be an improvement on JealousRobin?

That storyline and almost-naked-Logan are the only things I watch on this crap show. I gave up on Night Shift. I so don't need more Mob - Jason and Spinelli crap. Sigh. I know now why Jason Thompson reacted the way he did the other day when I said I was liking Night Shift because there was almost no mob.

There are plenty of us fanfic writers who would love to write for this show. We'd do a better job than the nepotism-based staff they have.

Wow, I didn't really miss anything by not watching. By the way, I can only see half the pictures in this post. Still, I got your point.

Can someone remind me when was the last time a woman got pregnant on a soap and knew exactly who the father was when it wasn't the result of an affair or belonging to their dead(again) husband?

I cannot see the pictures. :(

i can't internalize without em... lol

"I need to go gaze at my Prada loafers to erase those images."

Did you erase them off the blog too? Cause I can't see them and its hindering my reading pleasure. :)

In reference to immature Robin comment, to each their own, but can you really not understand that the thought of your mom dating your boyfriend's dad may be icky. Yes, they are consenting adults, yes she's allowed to have sex....but its her BOYFRIEND'S DAD. Thats icky...icky, icky, icky. And its being played for laughs so I dont think its anything to get worked up about.

The Patrick/Robin scenes are the only light in this otherwise boring, cheesy storyline for me. I say bring on the "war" Patrick was talking about. At least it will mean Patrick and Robin will get some airtime.


Dude, what is going on with the images? Every screen cap (I'm guessing that's what those are supposed to be) after the Carly/Sam fight are missing. It just says, "Image not available."

By the way, hilarious entry. It kinda makes me sad. I found GH as an adult and, when it was good, I really enjoyed it, but it didn't hurt to walk away from the nimrods that run things in Port Chuck as much as it did when I left Y&R and GL. I had to stop watching. GH is no longer good. TIIC are truly The Idiots in Charge. They can't seem to manage to do much. The Night Shift is a train wreck! Why isn't NS an extension of the mother ship? Apparently there's so difficultly with them being run by the same people on the same set with the same actors, so it doesn't have to be an extension. Is it too much that it NOT flat out contradict General Hospital?!

Still, the problems at GH and ABC Daytime are the problems of all daytime soaps--just ten fold. I think GH has got to be producing some of the most misogynistic tripe for women. When Lifetime's original programming (Army Wives and State of Mind kick ass) is better because it relevant, smart, sexy, funny, touching--just plain soapier than much of daytime TV, there's something wrong.

Sorry about the images, guys. They're showing up for me in both IE and Firefox, but they are TypePad hosted and we were having similar problems last week. Refreshing doesn't fix it?

I agree, I don't think it's immature for Robin to be squicked out by her mom dating her boyfriend's dad. As someone whose mom is in the dating pool, I can tell you it would freak me out but good. And even setting aside the sex issue, the awkwardness if the younger couple or the parents ever break up is cringe-worthy.

I did not include a photo of my Prada loafers but if I had that would be the most useful they'd ever made themselves -- they hurt my feet like whoa. They're so pretty, though. Good looking but painful; they're a bit like GH (minus Carly and Sam's wardrobes).

1. Yes, I do think Kate's hair holds to the key to solving world hunger. I want her hair all for myself.

2. I LOVE your take on the Alexis & Carly show. I'd so watch that.

3. I want to be Anna as well. I wonder just how many Annas there can be in the world...

4. I am thoroughly enjoying the Scrubs-Anna-Noah/Eli stuff. Here I was excited for Scrubs on NS but now I'm infinitely more excited to watch them on GH.

5. I got a burst of joy when Sam back-handed Carly and hit her with a pool cue. Good times, good times.

6. Thank you for noting that need Lulu the heck out of the WTD s/l. She never should have been in it to begin with.

7. Kelly & Jerry = WTF? $1 million says we never even hear one word about that again...

Well at least Nikolas was a voice of reason this week even if he was only on two days which is one of the real problems of this show..............not enough Nikolas!

Nope. Refreshing doesn't fix it. Do I need to download Firefox or something?

No, they really should be showing up for everyone. I've put in a request to TypePad but it won't be addressed until tomorrow at the earliest. I'll re-upload the photos and see if that works. Bummer.

Good stuff again EBT!

I enjoyed the Sam bee-atch slap to Carly - worthy of good spoofing.

Alexis and Carly show - great idea!

Liz - urghhhhhhhhh *pulls hair* - her whiny, piney, Jason-only mindset is getting to the point of wanting to squish fruit - even if they don't deserve it.

Jason

Jason

Jason

(o_0) New names for the show: "Jason's Lives" "Jason's Harem" "OHMYGOLLYGEE That's My Jason"

Oi (-__-)\\

Did anyone love Sonny's version of channeling Ricky Ricardo's "Lucy, Lucy, Lucy" when he tried to lecture Carly not to do anything stupid. Like, yes, why would Carly do something dumb?

Poor Lucky. He again is a day late and a dollar short after the big shoot out. Can they make him look any more inept and a recruit for the keystone cops?

Big Oi (-__-)\\\

I LOVE Anna/Eli/Noah/Robin/Patrick stuff! There is hope.

Kelly? (T__T) Why? She could'a been somebody.

You are so right about Lulu. I saw her at the jail and... o_o Someone seriously needed to put a lock at that jail door. I think Jason had more visitors than the collective inmates.

Sheesh! One more... Jason, because we need so much more of him. ( ._.)

...Women are not allowed to raise their kids, without the help of a man. (Carly, then Carly again, Sam, Alexis, Liz, then Liz again, etc).

It just pisses me off... (how many single mothers are out there?!)... Bitches.

I can see all the screen caps, but I'm not sure that's a good thing. Is that a shower curtain Carly's wearing in the last shot?

Ah, there they are. Like Celine said...

Oh, and women cannot apparently ever be friends with one another. They can be roommates and inappropriately flirt with each other's men, but they cannot be friends.

I can see the pictures now. Dang, Logan and Scotty. It's someone cloned Kin Shriner. And yet, Logan is cuter.

Logan is hot and so is his father!

OK, I'm kinda freaked out at the JerryCraig/Kelly pic. Not because they clearly had sex on the floor when a perfectly good sofa was right there. But because... is that Kelly's emaciated leg I see at the bottom left-hand corner of the screen? It looks like the limb of a hungry Darfur orphan. I mean, like scarily food-deprived.

It's just criminal that they sent Jason to Pentonville, a real prison that's SO FAR AWAY from Port Charles, and where he can't have any visitors.
Except, uh. . .

We have moved so far away from the GH days when Anna Devane was the lead. She was the Emma Peel of soaps: intelligent, beautiful, fun, entirely capable, and with an actual career she was good at. Tiffany had a career. Bobbie had a career. Felicia had a job she knew how to do. Cheryl Stansbury, Julia Barrett, Kathryn Delafield, Lois Cerullo - all professional women. Even Lucy Coe had meaningful ways of spending her time. Granted, lately there are more women with jobs & careers than there've been in a long time, so that's an improvement. . . or it would be if two dullard criminals weren't still the narrative, moral, and emotional centers of the show.

I'm gonna go gaze at my husband's PRADA DRIVING SHOES, which he says make is feet happy. Maybe that'll help.

"The murder trial of the central character of this show, who if he were to go to prison would eliminate 80% of the storylines. So I am just anxious as all get-out about the outcome of the trial (it's such a close call!)" AMEN!

Many years ago on OLTL, Vicki (I believe) was on trial for murder when Karen Woleck, young bride of upstanding Dr. Larry, took the stand and confessed to "hooking in the afternoons" for her former(?) pimp, Marco Dane. Now THAT was edge of your seat stuff! Everyone was completely blown away.

"This week in the "seriously, how jacked up is this show's moral compass?" file: Jason is handcuffed, charged with murder (which he did commit), and he's ambushed by hitmen of the guy he killed, thereby getting an innocent guard killed and endangering several other innocent bystanders. But he comes out the hero."

Why, oh why, can't the showrunners figure this out? As soap viewers, we are used to suspending our disbelief (amnesia, back from the dead, etc.) but making us alter our basic sense of right and wrong just may be asking too much.

That screencap of Logan and Scotty won't stop crackin' me up. It's ridiculously, absurdly brilliant. I can't stop wishing for Teschner to lend his skilled eye for finding hot mid-twenties/thirties/forties guys who can actually act to Days for a bit. It would give me something to watch when the vets' awesomeness isn't being utalized.

I just have to add that you guys deserve the Nobel Peace Prize for Soapdom because you guys consistently manage to risk your own sanity by watching these sad shows and turn it into witty, fun, and far more interesting fodder than it would ever naturally be thought. Brava!

i love having 'kick-ass' anna back..and robin's reactions to her are hilarious..as well as patrick and noah..
i loved 'carlex'..it's the only time i tolerate carly..we know way, way, way deep down they almost like each other..but carly needs a bra..she's not 'ally' on 'loving' anymore..gravity is a biotch..
i'm LOVING new, bitter sam..the character is interesting now, instead of whiny and pathetic..i'm hoping she destroys liz and jason..maybe he'd respect her then..
and sonny is tolerable with kate..and her hair is fierce..
finally, i need to realize patrick on gh IS NOT flirty patrick on night shift..two different characters..but i can (hotly) watch both all day and night..

"Many years ago on OLTL, Vicki (I believe) was on trial for murder when Karen Woleck, young bride of upstanding Dr. Larry. . . "

My mother used to watch when I was a little girl. Do I remember correctly that Vicki had a sister name Merrie? (For some reason, I think it wasn't Mary, but Merrie.) Anybody?!?!

"My mother used to watch when I was a little girl. Do I remember correctly that Vicki had a sister name Merrie? (For some reason, I think it wasn't Mary, but Merrie.)"

I'm going totally on memory here, so take it for what it's worth (and it was before I started watching OLTL) but Vicki did have a sister Merrideth who was married to Dr. Larry Woleck and I believe they had a son, Danny. As I said, Merrideth had died before I started watching. Also, Vicki had a brother, Tony(?). It's very sad that no one running this show ever seems to remember this.

I started watching OLTL when Jacqueline Courtney (Alice on Another World) left to become Pat on OLTL. George Reinholdt (sp?) Steve on Another World had already left to become Tony (I think). This was a verrrry long time ago and I was probably too young to be watching soaps with so much fascination.

You're forgetting, no woman can not want to have children and have her dignity remain intact. Poor Kelly was the only one who didn't want to have kids, a perfectly reasonable position, then she has to go have random sex issues????
I have to say, the day Logan isn't brutally hot would be a shocker, but it is always nice to be reassured of the fact, everyday we see him, and every time he takes his shirt off. Which has got to be soon right?? What with competing with Coop and all?

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