So Good and No Good
I've been wondering why, if certain storylines on Days of Our Lives can be so stellar, the entire show as a whole is not excellent. Don't get me wrong, the majority of the show is great, but the parts that are bad are really, really bad.
I've come up with some theories
(a) Hogan Sheffer knows that loyal Days watchers are used to years of the show being totally dreadful. If he were to make the entire show excellent, it would be too much for us to bear and we could possibly get whiplash or motion sickness
(b) Since it's summer and the soaps are under the assumption that they need to feature the younger characters in order to make kids who are home for the summer watch. Since the DOOL younger characters suck, their storylines are going to suck
(c) Someone, somewhere, believes that the antics of Jett, Jeremy and Stephanie, and the implosion of Nick and Chelsea's relationship is quality entertainment
I am leaning towards one of the first two, because the last option is too depressing to even consider!
Okay, I am re-tooling the Bo and John spinoff I am planning on pitching to NBC, because it is imperative that Steve be a part of it.
Steve: Just hold it, man. I think there's some bad mungambo going down here.
John: Hey, you're scaring me. You're starting to sound like Celeste.
Steve: I'm serious, man. I'm feeling it. Now, Tony was here, right? He was probably furious when he found out that E.J. Warned Sami.
John: Yeah, we figure.
Steve: So what does he do, go home and play Parcheesi with the old man?
I am also convinced that he called John "my pawnie". My closed captioning claims that it was "buddy", but pawnie is so, so much better. And my closed captioning often claim that @ is actually the letter A, so it is completely conceivable that it is wrong in this case as well.
So, I pretty much hate Abby.
What's that, you ask? But Abby isn't even on the show right now!
Precisely. I am pretty sure that Abby was supposed to be playing a part of the "Touch The Sky" storyline. I mean, when was Chelsea ever as goody two shoes as she was in the early scenes with Jett and Jeremy? She was thisclose to busting out a "golly gee"! That's not our Chelsea!
But since Abby isn't around, we're stuck with Chelsea being awkwardly shoehorned into this story, even though she and Nick had a perfectly compelling romance going on that was more than enough story for both of them. I'd say it was one of the best romances the show's had in a few years and I totally understand the need for them to have a conflict, but why couldn't it be an organic conflict? They briefly touched upon the issues Chelsea has with Nick and Billie's night of ewness, so why can't they expand on it? Why did it have to be "Cute! Squee! Jett! Bad Sex! Anger!"?
I mean, it would be one thing if anybody cared about Jett, but I don't think that even the writers do. It's beyond laughable to have Chelsea continue to refer to him as her close friend, because, um, what? She's known him for like ten minutes.
Okay, so it was nice for someone to call Max out on the family loving:
Max: Well, Stephanie's my niece.
Jeremy: From what I hear, you did a lot more than play uncle.
Max: We're not of blood relation, Jeremy.
Jeremy: So that makes it okay for you to do your sister's kid.
But why couldn't it have been, I don't know, Kayla? I don't like having Jeremy be the voice of reason, especially since...
He's a completely disgusting creep.
So do I. The first time I saw her coming off the racetrack, helmet off, hair flying in the wind, I knew I had to have a piece of that.
The girl is prime, but sometimes I itch to get a little more down and dirty. You know how it works. You were on the racing circuit. All those drag-strip honeys waiting to shift you into gear. Don't tell me you never tapped in to that action. Oh, yeah, you know exactly what I'm talking about. You made the laps -- too many to count.
You know how afterschool specials cram in as much "hip" teen slang as possible, so that the show seems cool, rather than unfathomably lame? Yeah...that. I'm pretty sure that these lines were lifted directly from an afterschool special about date rape.
I am continuing to enjoy the Santo/Colleen story. I know that it's incredibly cheesy but, hey, I'm pretty much a dork, so it figures that I'd like it.
I especially liked the glimpse of Lil' Stefano!
What an adorable future psychopath! If he is currently evil, I have no desire to see it. I think I've mentioned before that I don't like movies or TV shows where children are evil and/or murderous. I find them completely terrifying, and they make me wary of children I see out and about. After I saw The Omen, I was afraid of my own brother.
Why is Colleen older than her father?!
What, there were no older actors suitable for the role in all of Los Angeles? Even Santo is like, "This is a feat of modern science! The daughter is years older than the father! Stefano, come look at this walking genetic experiment!"
I adored the scene between Kayla and Lucas when they discussed her rape and how she was able to forgive Jack. It was a nice nod to history, and both actors played it perfectly.
Except not when Kayla's talking about having a baby. Please, don't let this storyline go anywhere! I can totally understand why she wants to have a baby, what with Steve being dead (except not) during Stephanie's childhood, but no. Just...no. I think I am over baby storylines at this point and I don't want to get annoyed during Steve and Kayla's screentime, but if it's about a baby, I'm pretty sure I will. Can't we watch them deal with being back together after all this time? I'd be fine with that.
Anna continues to rule. I like how she's the first person in all of Salem to suggest that something's off with Tony/"Tony" (something besides his skin tone, I mean), even though she's only been back in town for a few days.
I really don't like the sudden vendetta the hair and wardrobe departments have against her, but she's hilarious enough to make me get over it.
Holy crap, you guys, Tony/"Tony" is going to haunt my dreams.
I don't know what the most unsettling thing about him is: the unhinged stare that's always in his eyes? The crazy eyebrows? The orange, leathery skin? All I know is that I won't be sleeping tonight, knowing that a vampire is out there looking to suck my blood in between appointments at Mystic Tan.