Serial Drama

Our Column in the 7/17 Issue of SOD

Pick up the July 17, 2007 issue of Soap Opera Digest (pages 80-81) for our latest column, about our impressions of the Daytime Emmys.  Becca rants about the General Hospital execs refusing to bring Genie Francis back on board, and Mallory recaps the ceremony's biggest surprises, including Y&R's several big wins.  Sadly the accompanying photo is not of Peter Bergman with multiple hearts drawn all over it, but please check it out anyway!

General Hospital Week in Review

I've decided that ABC needs to acquire the rights to air Wimbledon coverage, because if there's a soap that could use some preemption, it's General Hospital.  For the ten-thousandth time in the last year or so, I ask:  Why isn't this show better?  This was one of those weeks that could have been really good (mostly because the mob action wasn't dominating every segment of every episode), but it was still...meh.  I'm sure this scintillating and wit-filled opening has you eager to hear more of my in-depth thoughts about mediocrity, so please, read on.

Laura Wright's new haircut continues to be amazing (and a source of many, many Google hits to this site -- it's like the new Rachel), but they had to go and detract from it by having Carly wear yet another terrible top this week.

The color is actually nice on her, but it ends in exactly the wrong place, creates a terrible line across the top, and, while I realize it's hardly worth pointing out at this point -- it's kind of like saying "Sonny could benefit from being less of a dick" -- it could really, really have used a bra

I haven't seen that unsettling a profile since last year, when I was watching Hollywoodland and during a close-up Adrian Brody turned to the side.

Days Short Week in Review (Damn You, Tennis!)

It was short but mostly good week in Salem.  Today and tomorrow Days is preempted because apparently someone somewhere decided that world-class tennis matches were more interesting that Tony DiMera on a horse in the morning room or James Scott being shirtless, so to that person I say:  WHATEVER. 

(I actually love tennis, and since the short preview has me worried that the Colleen/Santo story and requisite accents are going to be of The Suck, I'm fine with waiting until next week for it.)

First, the best thing to happen this week:  ALICE!

There had been reports that Frances Reid would no longer be appearing on Days, so this was a delight.  She brings such heart to the show.  I will even bust out the very rare species known as the Justified Nonhumorous E-hug:   

(((((Frances Reid as Alice Horton)))))

Okay, that's my schmoopiness maximum for at least the week. 

The Hope/Bo/Anna/Roman stuff early in the week was fabulous.  I know that "Roman" and any positive attribute in the same sentence will be tough to adjust to, but I think we just might have to acclimate ourselves if these types of interactions continue.  Particularly those in which everyone mocks Roman, to his face.  For example:

Countdown to Night Shift

It's just a week until the Night Shift premiere!  If you get SoapNet and have a sense of sight, you've likely seen the promo.  SoapNet also has a whole bunch of pages on its website about the show.  And if you've been keeping tabs on us here at Serial Drama, you know we've got our typing fingers at the ready to recap each of the episodes.  Promising Ingénue is going to kick things off with the premiere and we'll probably alternate from there.  We look forward to chronicling how many things Jason Thompson does hotly, and maybe other things if they can possibly be as interesting.  So, are you counting down until the premiere?  Dreading it?  Ruthlessly being denied it because your local cable company sucks?

more at twiigs.com...

The Day's Dumbest Dialogue

I am actually optimistic about this whole Eli Love storyline on GH, especially if it results in Rick Springfield singing Jessie's Girl (which it must, right?).  And my affection for the character of Robin and her portrayer is not hidden around here.  All that said, this was tres stupid:

Random doctor guy who will be on Night Shift: The Eli Love concert? 
Robin:  Yeah.
Random: How did you score such great seats to a sold-out concert?
Robin (sarcastically): Well, you know, I have connections.
Random:  Okay, that's great.  You willing to share that?
Robin: Well, you know Stan, Epiphany's son?
Random: Yeah, the agitator.
Robin:  He's a wiz on the computer.  He's hooked in to all these online ticket sales.  They're a little bit more, but the seats are definitely worth it.

Online ticket sales?  The hell you say!  Next you'll be telling me that some of those, what are they called, "hackers"?, have figured out a way to buy clothes on the internets, and maybe gamble or search for porn!  Those computer wizards, by golly, they are incredible.

Are the writers 80 years old? 

Awesome Alert

I know what you're thinking:  How can I quantify the awesomeness of the revamped and revitalized Days of Our Lives on a weekly, if not daily basis?  Well, thanks to regular reader ande mcbeal, you can now do so with a formalized version of our Awesomeness Rating System:

Now, we've heard rumors that similar alert systems are abused for political purposes, so we have to ask that you not use this revered scale to escalate any 'shipper wars or other soapy conflicts.  This is an official tool of Soapland Security and should be treated as such.

By the way, yesterday's Bo/Hope/Roman/Anna scenes:  Awesome level orange.  But another day of snoozeville and even the best soapy-hysterical quote in months ("You baby-stealing BITCH!") won't keep Belle from getting booted off the scale altogether.  She's starting to make a mockery of this very serious measure of awesomeness.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

I have made it clear that I am a fan of General Hospital's Cameron Webber. I think he's pretty much adorable, and I always look forward to his appearances because he's a hilariously good judge of character and calmly plays while listening to the tawdry secrets of Port Charles citizens. 

One of the reasons that I am opposed to Liz and Jason getting together (and I'm not even that opposed, mostly because I can see the writing on the wall and I don't have the energy to resist anymore) is that I am repulsed by the idea that Jason could be Cam's stepfather. I mean, ew.

FIrst of all, the poor child is already his mother's second favorite kid. Once all of Port Charles knows that Jake is Jason's son, nobody will ever pay attention to Cameron again. He's going to be spotted forlornly riding Chugging Charlie around the docks, eating Cheetos, barefoot and crying.

Secondly, the scary penthouse is no place for a child! What would happen if Jason was reading Cameron a book (or, um, Cameron was reading Jason a book) and Jason was like, "as fun as this is, I have to go out for a little while and shoot someone. No worries, he's a bad guy. Everything will be okay. Just, um, stay away from the windows, okay?"

Lastly, after the crap that Jason and effing Courtney did to Cameron's father, it would be sick and wrong for Jason to be Cam's stepfather!

But luckily, I'm pretty sure that Cameron would put up a fight if Liz suggested that they go play happy family with Jason. Because he hates Jason. Hates. Never did I think anything could top "Bitch, please" but in today's episode, right before Liz hurled Cam off the couch, he made the most glorious "Are you FREAKING KIDDING me?" face when he saw Jason.

I know, right? Are they freaking kidding me with the inane, insane and poorly written drivel that counts as soapiness these days?

Emotion Overload

Remember when Victor was off gallivanting around the world in the wake of his son's death, ostensibly to find his other son, but, really, it was just gallivanting for the hell of it and seriously, what kind of a person is like, "Oooh, you're mourning the death of your only son, but, hey, I've got another son, so I'm going to go find him or whatever. Don't let my absence get in the way of your grieving! I might call, but I might not! Laters!"? And the first glimpse we got of him was when he saw the clip of Nikki and David making out on YouTube ViewClick? In one grumpy facial expression, he conveyed disdain, impatience, sadness and anger. And also hunger.

That accurately describes how I feel about The Young and the Restless lately. After it won half an Emmy for Best Daytime Drama, I was all set to give it a second chance. Maybe I was being too critical (if there is such a thing). If Emmy voters considered it worthy of a tie for Best Drama, who was I to argue? So I watched, open-minded and after, I don't know, thirteen minutes of my first non-judgy episode, I was like, "I'm listening to the freaking Emmy voters who gave Christian LeBlanc the Emmy over Peter Bergman? The people who bestowed Best Drama upon General Hospital last year for the trainwreck episode where an MTV VJ died and nobody noticed for like six hours?  What is wrong with me?! That's about as taking fashion advice from Victoria Beckham. Open-mindedness is for squares! Hypercriticism is where it's at!"

That was a long-winded way of saying that this show is not good and it's non-goodness is making me cranky. And, apparently, super talkative.

The Day's Dumbest Dialogue

Belle:  We are old enough that we don’t need to be relying on our parents.

Say what? You don’t have a job. You’ve never had a job. Your babydaddy doesn’t have a job (although his promising lead for a traveling auto parts salesman gig is sure to bring in the big bucks). Your soon-to-be ex-husband doesn’t have a job (though he has the advantage of having gotten a ton of money the old fashioned way, being born into it). You are a Maury episode waiting to happen, except it totally won't because your "Phil, you are NOT the father" moment was last year. Ideally you shouldn't be, but you totally need to be relying on your parents. You also need to, how should I put this, become interesting.

Really, at some point will the Days writers catch on that even people under 25 should have jobs (other than driving race cars or being flight attendants)?  Also, if Belle and Shawn were to borrow money from anyone, wouldn’t it be her parents, not his, since her dad John is a multi-whateveraire?  Never mind, I totally don't care. 

This stupidity is balanced out by the fact that nearly everything else on this show remains awesome.

Days of Our Lives Week in Review

There's so much awesomeness on Days these days, I feel like I need to implement an awesomeness rating system.  If I had any graphics capabilities, I would totally create a scale like the terrorism alert one, with levels somewhat along the lines of:

1:  "you baby-stealing BITCH!!!"
2:  people who are above the legal drinking age being the focus of multiple episodes
3:  NellLexie.  Nightclub tunnel.  Julie Horton karate-stancing while Hope eyebrows.
4:  Tony ON A HORSE/EJ mocking comatose John
5:  supercouples on a crazy adventure in an exotic locale in the 80s

But then I'd be tied to those designations, and there seem to be new levels of awesome every week that deserve to be incorporated as warranted.  So we'll go with this scale for now, but I will be on the lookout for new additions.  This is new territory for me, enjoying a soap on a weekly basis, but I think I can handle it.

Steve basically spent the entire week being totally awesome.

Dancing

trying to get Bart to dance

trying to get Tony to dance

drugging people

making out with Hope and then teasing Bo about it

and having the quote of the week (about Tony):

Stefano:  You know, I think this is the moment for a little explanation here.  Beginning with the fact that my son is out on that couch.

Steve: Well, my guess is they discontinued his tanning products.

Haaaa!  (I thought Kristian Alfonso was going to lose it.  I wonder whether it was an ad lib.  Totally hilarious.)

Awesomeness level:  5