Ohmigod, you guys. Remember in our first Soap Opera Digest column when I said "I love soap operas. I always have, I always will, unless one of them names an unspeakably awful character after me (and even then, I’d probably be secretly pleased about it)"??
And now Days introduces a tertiary character named Father Mallory? Coincidence? I DON'T THINK SO.
Okay, so there's a chance it is entirely coincidental. Sure, they might have chosen that name randomly. Perhaps they were watching Family Ties on DVD during a writer's meeting. Or maybe they chose the name because it means "one who is unlucky", meaning that something bad is going to happen soon. Both are entirely possible, if un-fun. As a devoted lover of the fun, though, I am sticking to the shout out theory, because I can, damn it.
I was so excited by the introduction of Father Mallory that I was like, "The entire episode is awesome. The end!" without even thinking. But it turns out that it was, actually, mostly awesome.
Because I am a jaded, unpleasant person, I was convinced that the flashback storyline of Colleen Brady and Santo DiMera was going to be awful. Not even awesomely awful. Just really, virtual Garden of Eden level of awful. I actually watched much of this episode with my fingers covering my eyes because I was so nervous and self conscious on behalf of Alison Sweeney and James Scott. Because, really. It had all of the makings of a disaster. Accents? A mustache so fake that it would look out of place and embarrassing in porn?
But! But! It was legitimately good! I totally admit to being a faithless bitch and will stand up and say that I was wrong. Because the two of them were actually really, really good. I was so proud! Which sounds totally weird to say about people that I don't know, but it's true.
I can breathe a sigh of relief and go back to looking forward to watching this storyline unfold this summer.
Jett isn't engaged!
Maybe this is a sign that I'm not at the top of my game, but I really didn't think that Jett was sketchy. This is mostly because I never thought of Jett and when I did, I considered him bland, boring and a waste of my time and energy. But lying about a fiancee? Out of left field.
I have no faith that the coolness of that reveal will lead to a story about, like, Jett being closeted and in need of a beard, but, you know, it was fun while it lasted.
Nick said "hairbrush". WHEN WILL WE BE DONE MENTIONING THE GODFORSAKEN HAIRBRUSH?
I seriously can't handle it anymore. And I don't know why it is even an issue. Roman knows about the stupid hairbrush, so how can Kate use it to blackmail him? What the hell?
It's enough to make me follow Rachel Melvin's lead and just stop brushing my hair all together.