Seriously, I Hate Him More Than Gauchos
So, Jeremy "Horton" reached new levels of assitude yesterday. He's ruining my Days of Our Lives awesomeness buzz. In one conversation he -- who, as a reminder, is not a character on Saved By the Bell or Beverly Hills, 90210 in the early 1990s -- used the following words:
And, oh yeah, he basically TRIED TO DROWN HIS GIRLFRIEND. And then he told her he loved her for the first time. Squee!
I think my hatred of Jeremy "Horton" (about which I have not been shy) has surpassed even my loathing of GH's Sonny Corinthos (especially since suddenly various characters are calling out Sonny on his "career" and personality flaws). I get that the writers intended for him to be a bad guy, so kudos on that, but did they intend for him to be watchable? Because the list of things I would rather watch on TV than Jeremy "Horton" includes but is not limited to:
- news coverage of devastating natural disasters
- that unspeakably horrible Dawson's Creek episode in which Joey gets mugged but ultimately ends up singing a duet of The Carpenters' "Close to You" with the mugger in the hospital right before he dies and then she tells his kid his daddy was a hero and tips his widow in cash (not that I watched Dawson's Creek, of course, or that I am still waiting for Josh Jackson to call me)
- the last three seasons of The Real World
- Nancy Grace
- that Danny Bonaduce reality show
What were the writers going for here?
They re-introduce this character who last anyone saw was an adorable toddler with loving doctor parents, they make him a total asshole -- and I mean total, as in no redeeming qualities at all, unless "nice pecs" is a newly minted personality trait. They give him no layers whatsoever. They pair him with a recast Stephanie who, while beautiful, is now mostly an awful person herself. Spoiled and bitchy with occasional 80s hair and trashy clothes and an unfortunate habit of saying "Papa," I'm supposed to care that she's in a bad relationship? The two of them paw each other constantly, including in front of her father -- whose missing eye Jeremy finds it tres amusing to mock -- and generally make me wish for the by comparison subtle sexual innuendo of John and Marlena.
They have Jeremy head up this ridiculously stupid airline that only
runs between Salem and Vegas (imagine the demand for that!), have
him (a military pilot) run some stupid illegal side business that is connected to the
DiMeras in a way that I can't even be bothered to remember. They have
him nearly sexually assault Chelsea and speak to Stephanie in a way that makes the relationship dialogue on the paternity test episodes of Maury look healthy and makes after-school specials look subtle.
And then yesterday, when Jeremy expressed his annoyance with
Stephanie by holding her under [gross, no doubt bacteria-infected Vegas hot tub] water for so long it was questionable
whether she'd still be breathing when she popped up, was I supposed to
be surprised? The aggressive, narcissistic, misogynistic asshole is also maybe
completely psycho and capable of hurting someone? WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING?! I am caught totally
unawares and cannot wait for this intriguing tale to unfold! Next
you'll tell me the Salem PD is a tad inept, the DiMeras have terrible
accents, or Sami is a bit of a schemer. Will the shockingness never
Oh, and now they're writing Max as the freaking sleuth/hero in this scenario. Max. Max?! Max is out to save Stephanie. You know, his niece whom he used to kind of date. Or maybe he's out to protect Chelsea. His other niece whom he used to date. It's too late to make this guy a solid romantic lead, especially with that hair. If he can convince his big brother (in Jeremy-ese, "bro") Frankie to come back into town and become the DA who will prosecute Jeremy "Horton" and send him to prison, then maybe we can talk. (That's a lie -- he would also need to convince Frankie to marry me. No, not Billy Warlock, since he's married to the fabulous Julie Pinson, and I do have scruples. The character of Frankie needs to marry me. Or actually just shack up, since I have commitment issues. My sanity will keep me warm at night until that day comes.)
The only good thing to come out of this whole Jeremy Horton situation is that one time Steve bellowed at Stephanie that "The dude had no pants!" And really, while it was truly hilarious, it now only serves to remind me that Jeremy is a guy who gets attitudinal while appearing pantsless in front of the father of the barely-legal he's schtupping.
Days can write a good villain with layers -- they just did it recently with EJ (well, they f'ed that up a bit too, but I don't have the energy to deal with that right now; my hate reserves are low). So why the laziness, particularly with one of the younger characters, since that age bracket is the weakest on the show?
They could have brought back one of the [currently invisible] Kiriakis kids with Adrienne and had him be a money-hungry, charming-yet-possibly-evil romantic interest for Stephanie or whoever. He could have bonded with his Grandpa Victor over how to straddle the appealing/appalling line. Or they could have brought Jeremy back and had him be an at least somewhat decent guy, so that the audience was surprised/disappointed when he turned out to be an abusive asshole. But no, instead we get the "Guy Who by All Appearances Was an Asshole Is, Indeed, an Asshole" headline. Brilliant.
I'm also very concerned about where they're going with this story
about the frightened Russian girl who doesn't speak English huddled in Jeremy's (well, Bo and Hope's) living room. A while back I made a joke about
Jeremy using his stupid airline as part of a human trafficking plot.
That was just a joke, not a recommendation! If the powers-that-be at
soaps start taking our off-hand sarcasm literally, we'll end up with,
among other things, Bob Guza having a Genie Francis dartboard, dead fathers advising daughters to get STD tests, a police commissioner painting toenails and fetching dry cleaning, writers imprisoned in cells by armed guards, all while I have a mini-breakdown and am forced to wear zippered-ankle Guess jeans and Promising Ingénue routinely does her Dolly Parton impression and stops brushing her hair.
Although it would also mean Jason Thompson and James Scott would never appear fully clothed, and I would end up in a meaningful relationship with George Clooney, so perhaps I've discouraged this concept prematurely.