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« Nicknames, Schnicknames | Main | Budget Cuts Hurt Us All »

August 06, 2007

All Kendall's Children

I know that I'm totally, like, Rain Man lately when it comes to wondering what the hell is up with All My Children's eagerness to ride the "Bad things happen to kids! Especially if Kendall is their mom!" carousel and I'm one hysterical outburst away from being Mrs. Lovejoy, but...really, AMC? You have Spike kidnapped/in a grave accident/named Spike and now you make him deaf? And you have baby Ian born prematurely with a hole in his heart? And I'm supposed to be all, "Wow, this is so incredibly entertaining! Let me pop more popcorn!".

The entire show has left me with several questions (and a desire to become a hermit)

If I am perfectly okay with Alicia Minshew being onscreen everyday and I'm vehemently not okay with Jason Morgan being onscreen everyday, does it make me a hypocrite? Or because liking Alicia means that I am pro-gorgeous hair, do I get a special dispensation?

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Hypothetically speaking, if I admitted to loving tolerating Josh lately, due to his ongoing support of Kendall, the man hug he shared with Zach and the dorky way he serenaded his nephew, would I be shunned from my own blog? Please note that I do not in any way, shape or form condone his existence as an aborted fetus. Surely that has to get me some hypothetical brownie points.

Joshkendall

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How did Alexa Havins manage to deliver the line "You'll be staying away from Kendall for a long time" to Greenlee without laughing out loud? I mean, come on, Babe was always really bad about staying away from the family that she decimated with her babynapping ways. Like how she made Bianca Bess/Miranda's godmother. Or how she brought Bess/Miranda to the dedication of the Miranda Center. Or how, once the babynapping was revealed, Babe accepted Greenlee's shares of Fusion that would make her the co-owner of Kendall's company. Or how she refused Zach's offer to buy her out of Fusion.

It was as bizarrely WTF? as the scene between Erica and Babe not ending with Erica kicking Babe in the shins.

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Am I supposed to find it heroic that Greenlee saved Spike's life after her aborted kidnapping attempt? Because no matter how many times she says that she saved Spike (props to Sabine Singh, though, who has had to say that line at least sixty times and has managed to change the sentence inflection almost every time: "I saved Spike!" "I SAVED Spike!" "I saved SPIKE!" "I saved SPIKE!"), I don't feel anything other than annoyance, since, where I come from (Earth), if we see a hurt baby, we help them. It's not heroic! It's just what we do.

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Speaking of Sabine Singh, does anyone else feel that the only romantic chemistry she has exhibited since joining the show has been with Walt Willey? Regrettable, since he plays her father...

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Did anybody else watch recent Kendall/Erica scenes and scream "I told you Susan Lucci could act! I TOLD you!" to an empty room? Not that I did that or anything, but honestly, I have found Susan Lucci completely heartbreaking throughout the past few weeks. When she told Kendall that Bianca was holding her other hand? Or when she got into Kendall's hospital bed to hold her? Awww! They treat Erica like a caricature so often that it's easy to forget that Susan Lucci is pretty great at the quiet moments.

But because I am a terrible person, I will note that I have found myself getting more and more distracted by the size of her head lately. How does her teeny tiny body support all of that weight? How much hairspray does she use? I want answers! She's like a medical miracle!

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Is there anything in the world more disturbing than a murderer (played by an actor who is 30) telling the identical sister of his teenaged, autistic ex-wife (played by a 17-year-old actress) that he wants to make love to her? Because...no. As Becca has said before, the phrase "make love" is disgusting enough on its own. When you add all of those layers of illegality and disgusting to it, it's mind numbingly gross. That scene will haunt me for years.

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Does wanting more--much more--Colby and Sean make me a teeny bopper? If so, bring on the High School Musical and Hannah Montana, because I seriously think they are too cute for words and could easily take the screentime currently allotted to Jonathan and Ava.

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Really, what can they do next to Kendall and Zach? In the past year alone, they'd have Kendall almost get crushed in a murder attempt gone wrong, go into a coma, think her husband was cheating on her, lose three of her best friends to a serial killer who was actually her presumed dead (and cremated!) father-in-law. had her ex-best friend come back into town and sue for custody of her son. And Zach went on trial for murder, had his father come back from the dead and become a serial killer to get revenge on him for...faking his death. And now Spike is deaf and Ian's heart had a hole in it. Honestly, what will happen to them next? This is like rereading As I Lay Dying...

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For those of you who enjoy televised cheese, Rebecca Budig is in the Lifetime Movie Perfect Child, co-starring Lochlyn Munro, who you may know from every Lifetime Movie ever, including A Champion's Fight, Silencing Mary, Stand Against Fear, When Friendship Kills, Justice For Annie and, of course, Mother, May I Sleep with Danger? You know this might be the best/worst television movie of all time.

Comments

I personally find Susan Lucci's head distracting because her acting choices frequently involve shaking her head back and forth, like a bobblehead. It's particularly mesmerizing on fast forward. She has toned it down over the past couple weeks (perhaps because she has had better material to work with), much to the chagrin of my sons, who enjoy imitating her in an outlandish fashion.

I'm right there with you on a lot of this, including being a hypocrite on wanting to watch Kendall every day, and kind of liking the aborted foetus recently and in thinking that Susan Lucci has been rocking.

Remember when soap villians were actually winners? They would hatch an evil scheme, actually pull it off, and then the show's heroes would have to be THAT MUCH SMARTER in order to foil their nefarious plans. Now, every villian is a complete loser who screws up everything they touch so that the rather dubious "heroes" of today's soap world (Babe, Sonny, Unaborted Fetus, Jason, John McBain, Jessica/Tess/Captain Wacky/etc., whomever the hell we're supposed to root for on Y&R and so on) will look that much better. And on GH, the people who would be everyday heroes (*rimshot*) in any other walk of life (doctors, cops, public officials) have to be the stupidiest and most corrupt of them all in order to justify the elevation of the Mini Mobster and his odious satellites to lead protagonist status. It's completely ridiculous.

Seriously, who couldn't foil a couple of complete and utter losers like JR and Greenlee? Or the current incarnation of Adam, for that matter? And if you can't outsmart Ric Lansing, then you deserve to go to jail. Why should we root for anyone on these shows when the villians pose no more of a serious threat than a bowl of stale marshmallows?

P.S.: The only show that actually gets it right for time to time is DAYS, and wouldn't you know that it's probably going to be axed in two years?

THIS is how AMC should be writing Susan Lucci- as a supportive mother/mother to the mother of the child (don't say grandmother!). NOT as a heroine/prissy love interest. I'm all for Erica and Jack getting some lovin' but please- stop with the ingénue stuff for Susan.

Jonathan and Ava? YuckY. NastY. And BorING.

Too much of a good thing is still too much. So, 'yes' in answer to the hyprocrite question. Too much Kendall. (The fabulosity of the hair is unquestionable, but less Kendall would still be a good thing.)

I feel very alone, but I understand Greenlee in all of this and I hate that she is being so vilified at the throne of Queen Kendall. I thought Jack was a complete ass to his daughter.

I don't hate Jonathan and Ava. I still can't stand Josh. Babe has got to go. I don't care what happends to Kendall and Zach.

Oh, thank goodness you're talking about AMC. The snark potential is truly boundless.

What I want to know: How in the hell is Greenlee able to waltz in and out of the pediatric ICU without a single nurse in sight? HOW? I can suspend disbelief to a point, but come ON.

Erica has indeed been rocking, and they've even realized that perhaps she should not be wearing spaghetti-strap dresses to every occasion. I can forgive her the Big Giant Head right now, even.

AMEN AMEN!

I have to add though that me liking Josh recently mostly has something to do with his premature pairing with Greenlee. But it seems the honeymoon is over as they say :)

I'm glad to know that I am not the only one concerned about the disproportionate size of Susan Lucci's head and body. It is a medical miracle! LOL

As for Zach and Kendall, I would like for the two of them to enjoy a honeymoon before any more angst comes their way. I love the pair, but enough is enough! And yes, Josh becomes more adorable the more time he he spends with Zach and Kendall. And as for Greenlee (and her portrayer Sabine Singh), I'm so tired of her expecting forgiveness or understanding considering her past actions of lawsuits, criminal charges, and threats. Sadly, Singh seems to lack chemistry with virtually everyone. I'm hoping Aidan will not be sacrificed because there is no sizzle between the two.

Susan Lucci can act? I thought she could when I was under the age of 15, but not so much now. Now, I either get distracted by her collar bone or feel chills down my back from her shrieking and whining and immediately FF. I don't want her gone - cause she is AMC - but I can't watch her. Would recurring be too much of an insult? She might win a guest spot Emmy.

I feel like I wrote this. We could definitely watch AMC together and we'd be shouting the exact same things at the TV. Susan Lucci has really been great with this stuff. And I'm also on the hypocrite couch, because I do love seeing Kendall on all the time, but I'd love to see Jason take a nice long offscreen vacation from GH. (With Kendall and Simone as two of the original Fusion girls, how did they not branch off into hair care products? They had the in house models to sell it.) And Greenlee really needs to shut up already. You don't get a cookie for "saving Spike."

She may not get a cookie, but I wouldn't be averse to giving her some of Dixie's pancakes. My problem is that I'm loving the story, but as of Monday of this week, I'm afraid to watch the show. I can't watch another bad thing happen to those kids, because Alicia Minshew, Thorsten Kaye and Susan Lucci keep making me cry.

I love Zach and Kendall.If I could I would only have the two of them on the show as Team SLater without the drama. I really wish they would end the ridiculous giant family friendship love thing with Annie,Ryan especially, Greenlee and Aidan. No body in real life is that tight with someone who disrespected you, harmed your kids and left you when you needed their help the most. Ryan and Greenlee need to stay away from the Slater clan so that Zendall can be a happy family. I also hope that Kendall gets over her past relationships with the two because those two bring her back down to their low level of pre-zendall. She is much mature with zach and they bring the best out of each other. WHere as for Ryan, I think he is crazier than Johnathan with the tumor. Just stay away from crazy people like that and the show and the slaters will be alot better.

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