All Kendall's Children
I know that I'm totally, like, Rain Man lately when it comes to wondering what the hell is up with All My Children's eagerness to ride the "Bad things happen to kids! Especially if Kendall is their mom!" carousel and I'm one hysterical outburst away from being Mrs. Lovejoy, but...really, AMC? You have Spike kidnapped/in a grave accident/named Spike and now you make him deaf? And you have baby Ian born prematurely with a hole in his heart? And I'm supposed to be all, "Wow, this is so incredibly entertaining! Let me pop more popcorn!".
The entire show has left me with several questions (and a desire to become a hermit)
If I am perfectly okay with Alicia Minshew being onscreen everyday and I'm vehemently not okay with Jason Morgan being onscreen everyday, does it make me a hypocrite? Or because liking Alicia means that I am pro-gorgeous hair, do I get a special dispensation?
Hypothetically speaking, if I admitted to
loving tolerating Josh lately, due to his ongoing support of Kendall, the man hug he shared with Zach and the dorky way he serenaded his nephew, would I be shunned from my own blog? Please note that I do not in any way, shape or form condone his existence as an aborted fetus. Surely that has to get me some hypothetical brownie points.
How did Alexa Havins manage to deliver the line "You'll be staying away from Kendall for a long time" to Greenlee without laughing out loud? I mean, come on, Babe was always really bad about staying away from the family that she decimated with her babynapping ways. Like how she made Bianca Bess/Miranda's godmother. Or how she brought Bess/Miranda to the dedication of the Miranda Center. Or how, once the babynapping was revealed, Babe accepted Greenlee's shares of Fusion that would make her the co-owner of Kendall's company. Or how she refused Zach's offer to buy her out of Fusion.
It was as bizarrely WTF? as the scene between Erica and Babe not ending with Erica kicking Babe in the shins.
Am I supposed to find it heroic that Greenlee saved Spike's life after her aborted kidnapping attempt? Because no matter how many times she says that she saved Spike (props to Sabine Singh, though, who has had to say that line at least sixty times and has managed to change the sentence inflection almost every time: "I saved Spike!" "I SAVED Spike!" "I saved SPIKE!" "I saved SPIKE!"), I don't feel anything other than annoyance, since, where I come from (Earth), if we see a hurt baby, we help them. It's not heroic! It's just what we do.
Speaking of Sabine Singh, does anyone else feel that the only romantic chemistry she has exhibited since joining the show has been with Walt Willey? Regrettable, since he plays her father...
Did anybody else watch recent Kendall/Erica scenes and scream "I told you Susan Lucci could act! I TOLD you!" to an empty room? Not that I did that or anything, but honestly, I have found Susan Lucci completely heartbreaking throughout the past few weeks. When she told Kendall that Bianca was holding her other hand? Or when she got into Kendall's hospital bed to hold her? Awww! They treat Erica like a caricature so often that it's easy to forget that Susan Lucci is pretty great at the quiet moments.
But because I am a terrible person, I will note that I have found myself getting more and more distracted by the size of her head lately. How does her teeny tiny body support all of that weight? How much hairspray does she use? I want answers! She's like a medical miracle!
Is there anything in the world more disturbing than a murderer (played by an actor who is 30) telling the identical sister of his teenaged, autistic ex-wife (played by a 17-year-old actress) that he wants to make love to her? Because...no. As Becca has said before, the phrase "make love" is disgusting enough on its own. When you add all of those layers of illegality and disgusting to it, it's mind numbingly gross. That scene will haunt me for years.
Does wanting more--much more--Colby and Sean make me a teeny bopper? If so, bring on the High School Musical and Hannah Montana, because I seriously think they are too cute for words and could easily take the screentime currently allotted to Jonathan and Ava.
Really, what can they do next to Kendall and Zach? In the past year alone, they'd have Kendall almost get crushed in a murder attempt gone wrong, go into a coma, think her husband was cheating on her, lose three of her best friends to a serial killer who was actually her presumed dead (and cremated!) father-in-law. had her ex-best friend come back into town and sue for custody of her son. And Zach went on trial for murder, had his father come back from the dead and become a serial killer to get revenge on him for...faking his death. And now Spike is deaf and Ian's heart had a hole in it. Honestly, what will happen to them next? This is like rereading As I Lay Dying...
For those of you who enjoy televised cheese, Rebecca Budig is in the Lifetime Movie Perfect Child, co-starring Lochlyn Munro, who you may know from every Lifetime Movie ever, including A Champion's Fight, Silencing Mary, Stand Against Fear, When Friendship Kills, Justice For Annie and, of course, Mother, May I Sleep with Danger? You know this might be the best/worst television movie of all time.