Days of Our Lives Week in Review
What a snoozefest of a week on Days. Mal and I were just whining over email about this -- isn't summer when the shows are supposed to break out their big, fun stories? Because all the youngsters that the powers-that-be really want to be watching are home from school and need to be entertained? When I was a kid, Days' summers were the best time of the year. I secretly had someone tape for me while I was at horse camp, because I didn't want to miss anything. Whereas now, if not for the blog and the column, I would totally be on one of my soap hiatuses. (This is why commitment is bad, kids!) And Days was so good, just a month or so ago. It's ridiculously uneven. Anyway, not much happened this week, but let's see if we can make fun of what did.
So I guess we finally know what Belle and Shawn have in common. Remember how Mallory pointed out that Belle is probably a robot from the 1950s? Yeah. She kept that up this week, including using "mister" in a scolding way unironically (!), and sharing this little gem:
Belle: If we have a problem, we talk, not walk, buster.
Yeah, buster! Now sit back and watch Ozzie and Harriet with me, mister, and then we can discuss what's wrong. If that's okay with you. Whatever you want. Because you're the boss! But first let me go get my hair done so I can put on my best dress and pearls to vacuum.
Shawn: We can't both work, Belle.
Seriously! The Eisenhower administration really frowns upon such things, and who will iron your man's tank tops if you're off being a highfalutin' nurse?
(Side note: Where is the fabulous new wardrobe Phillip bought Belle? I've seen no evidence of it.)
This whole storyline is seriously irksome. There's the whole hopelessly outdated thing, but bigger than that, do the showrunners really not see that these two have no chemistry or anything of interest between them? They need an exciting storyline, stat, and I'm not even sure that will help. I'm certain conversations about the insidiousness of two working parents won't. (I am happy they're finally having Belle get a career, but that buzz was mostly killed by the writers deciding she had to get her husband's permission first. And as I've mentioned, I'm not against stay-at-home moms, but the writers' approach to this whole things was bad from start to finish.)
Shawn's whole "what if you have a final and Claire has to go to her grandparents or a sitter!" outrage was just insane. First of all, Claire has like six sets of grandparents, most of whom I'm sure would love to hang out with her for a while. Second of all, oh no! Not a babysitter! I heard at my quilting bee that they all take drugs and sleep with boys! You might as well just leave your kid alone in a hot car. Third, later in the week they were talking about the fancy pre-school Claire is at, so why would it matter if Belle went to school while Claire was at school herself? And finally, the overprotectiveness is big talk coming from the dude who threw this same kid off a cruise ship. (No, I'm never getting over that.)
Oh, Lexie. For a moment after her return, I thought I might actually like her. But I think I was just riding high off her hissing, grunting, cartwheeling entrance from that tunnel underneath the piano bar. I'm back to being alternately perplexed and bored by her.
A black wool cloak in the middle of August in the midwest? The hell? What does she have against a baseball cap and sunglasses? Is there anything more conspicuous than skulking about town in the grim reaper's wardrobe? Nice disguise, Dr. Used to be a Cop.
And just what was the whole conversation with Abe about? Lexie was like, you made me feel like a tramp! Um, not to be judgey, but are you sure it wasn't the long-term adultery with your husband's subordinate that made you feel that way, Lex?
And then Abe apologized!
Abe: You know Lex, the hoops I put you through. I don't know how you put up with me for so long.
Lexie: Hoops you put me through? What are you talking about?
Abe: Every day of our married life, you had to prove you were worthy of being Mrs. Abraham Carver. And I had no right to sit in judgment. But it didn't stop me.
What? I'm sorry, but if this had been their marriage, it might have been interesting to watch, instead of the decade-plus of boredom it actually was.
I do hope that one day I meet a man who marries me but not only understands when I need to get some from a hot younger guy on the side, but apologizes to me for driving me to it. Ah, romance.
Nick/Massive Headwound Harry got married in Vegas?!
At least it's an interesting twist, I suppose. Though wouldn't it have been better if they'd had him marry someone who could be a possible love interest, instead of the crazy con woman? Sigh.
This screencap reminds me that Rachel Melvin is quickly developing Katie-Holmes-as-Joey-Potter posture, which has to stop. Nothing good can come of emulating Katie Holmes, given the developments of recent years.
(Random side note: This week Nick referred to Chelsea as his and Stephanie's "mutual friend." Why do the writers not seem to remember that Stephanie and Chelsea are first cousins?)
I can't decide what disturbs me more. Kate selling herself to Stefano . . .
. . . or her hair.
What in the holy follicular hell is going on there?
Billie finally has something to do! Yay, Julie Pinson! Who continues to be unfairly gorgeous.
She also has Unintentionally Inappropriate Chemistry with Jay Kenneth Johnson. Melissa Brennan and Michael Weiss had a bit of this back in the day, and more recently Stephen Nichols and Nancy Lee Grahn had it on GH. It is hard to believe that tolerable characters like Billie and Phillip both originated in Kate, but they are siblings, so I think there should be a bit less sexual tension in their scenes. Maybe none, in fact.
I had really hoped that the whole embryo-switching nonsense had been intentionally ignored by the new writing team, but I guess it does kind of create a good reason for Belle and Phillip to spend time together, and will alienate Shawn. Which I'm all in favor of.
I'm also in favor of cute babies (and them not being in constant peril, so I guess it's a good thing I don't watch AMC), and my god the one (or ones, probably) playing Tyler is adorable!
And as much as I was dreading a Steve and Kayla baby story, this one seems okay to be because the kid is going to end up with Phillip eventually, right? Or maybe with a recast Mimi? Or maybe amidst all the egg scrambling, he's Belle's?
I am so looking forward to the scenes on Monday with Steve and Tyler that were teased in the preview. Stephen Nichols' scenes way back when with an infant Stephanie were an overload of cute, so I'm thinking these will be too.
Speaking of Steve and Kayla parenting . . .
Stephanie: I liked you a whole lot better when you were just a made-up bedtime story.
Oh no she di'int!
I wish Steve had responded "THE DUDE HAD NO PANTS!" Because really, he should respond to everything that way. Just to amuse me.
Stephanie moving in with her Aunt Adrienne (whom I realized for the first time this week she actually resembles -- yay, since she looks nothing like her parents) has possibilities, especially if it brings back Adrienne's kids. And Justin. And yeah, I realize I've been talking about that since before we even knew Adrienne was coming back but come on, it's new blood! Related to Victor! Bring 'em on.
Much as I adore him, I don't even need Wally Kurth as Justin. You know who would make an awesome Justin, and also bring back fabulous Another World memories? Tom Eplin. Tell me I'm wrong. You can't, right?
Saving the worst for last. Could the writers please decide who the hell EJ is, and what his motivations are? And please, for the love of soap gods, could we stop with the cartoonish homicide plots? Poisoned lipstick, exploding flowers, locked freezer trucks. So stupid.
Does EJ actually care about Sami? Because someone who did wouldn't send the very pregnant woman's blood pressure through the roof, making her freak out about her husband being dead.
BTW, could Sami take it down a couple levels? She's been yelling or threatening to kill someone in every scene for weeks. She's almost, I hate to say, inching towards Carly on GH territory.
Anyway, back to EJ. His repeated fantasizing about killing Lucas, and now his actual attempt to do so? Not okay. We know Lucas isn't going to die, so there's no genuine suspense. And however you feel about what happened between EJ and Sami, or whatever you think about all that gloved-hand-crimes ridiculousness, at least EJ had layers, and seemed repentant for his actions. And it seemed that many of his misdeeds were because he was under Stefano's control. Speaking of the fact that EJ's a DiMera, something easy to forget given how unsophisticated a criminal he's become, can't he come up with a more creative way to get Sami away from Lucas other than killing the competition? There are endless soapy possibilities! Instead he just bounces from one silly plot to the next, and all I can say is that Days is very lucky James Scott is so insanely hot, or I would not be at all invested in EJ's many personalities and storylines. Yet again, my shallowness comes to the rescue.