Days of Our Lives Week in Review
I continue to go back-and-forth about Days these days. When I sit down to write a week in review, I realize not much happened. But unlike General Hospital, I don't want to hunt down the writers and do them bodily damage. It's more like I want to shake them, and make them repeat their moments of awesomeness more consistently. I'm optimistic that the recent behind-the-scenes changes will effectively do that. Especially because I went on a Container Store spree recently, so I can't afford the airfare to LA. And I think that pesky restraining order that James Scott so outrageously took out against me and Mallory will mean I can't even get through the gate at the studio. So unnecessary, James! You don't see Jason Thompson reacting that way to our harmless affection, do you? Okay, you do. But you're both being overly sensitive.
I can't fight it anymore. I have decided to embrace this crazy-ass version of EJ.
Give him Santo's hideous mustache to twirl, have him wander the streets speaking in tongues, send him on yet another nonsensical character detour that shows no personal growth and is impossible to follow. I'll just gaze at him and try to devise a workable plan for James Scott to pass his genes along to as many male members of the next generation as possible. I'm doing it for the children.
I went on record opposing any baby-related storyline for Steve and Kayla. But, contrary to vicious internet rumors, I am not dead inside. And this particular baby, well, he is one of the cutest, most expressive infants I've ever seen. I cannot resist the draw of Pocket.
Outrageously adorable. And since this is totally Phillip and Mimi's baby (right?), meaning
he'll only temporarily consume Steve and Kayla's time, I'm totally okay
By the way, Stephen Nichols continues to have one of the best written celebrity blogs ever. I so look forward to the changes the Dude in the Orange Shoes will bring about.
My many requests for the sound guys to turn down the lip mics when Sami and Lucas make out have gone unanswered. Maybe the writers will be more responsive? Dear writers, Lucas is not funny. If you're going for funny, make it funny. You're not hitting the mark. "Let's name our twins Mac and Cheese" is not funny. "Do you have those compression hose in fishnet" is not funny. "She'd be safer in a room full of rabid bats!" is not funny. The Kama Sutra can be funny, I suppose, but it wasn't.
Like with all the writing for these two, it's trying too hard. Sami and Lucas are IN LOVE. They have LOTS OF SEX. Lucas is FUNNY AND SUPPORTIVE. Not that you would ever know any of that based on their actions alone; the emotions have to be broadcast in figurative skywriting across the screen. It's just . . . please, turn it down a few notches. It seems so forced, and it's doing the actors no favors.
Also, that is the worst pregnancy pillow I've ever seen. I'm pretty sure they just pulled it off a couch. In one scene I think I saw decorative piping and a tassel.
Anna, where have you been? Don't ever leave for so long again! It's so boring without you.
They really need to give Anna a story, and also stop pretending like we would believe for even a second that she's torn between Tony and Roman. I mean, come on.
Nick and China Lee and her kids. Ugh. I hate this story. I don't find it wacky, or fun, or in any way entertaining. Is that wrong? I can't even find anything to make fun of, because the whole thing is just so fast-forwardable. They really needed for Nick to have married someone the audience could give a crap about. Or make the story with China Lee actually funny, instead of cringe-inducing "funny." See also Roberts, Lucas.
I was a bit disappointed by the Bo and Hope in Ireland plot this week. Another bomb? Meh. But I need for the Brady/DiMera storyline to continue for many more months, not only because it gives the veterans such fun stuff to do, but because I could listen to Tony say "vendetta" all the live long day. Ven-DEH-taaah. Ven-DEH-taaah. Ven-DEH-taaah. I want to make Thaao Penghlis saying "that damned ven-DEH-taaah" my cell phone ringtone.
HOLY FUCK, Jeremy is actually involved with human trafficking?! I warned the writers about the dangers of taking our jokes literally!
I'm also very concerned about where they're going with this story about the frightened Russian girl who doesn't speak English huddled in Jeremy's (well, Bo and Hope's) living room. A while back I made a joke about Jeremy using his stupid airline as part of a human trafficking plot. That was just a joke, not a recommendation! If the powers-that-be at soaps start taking our off-hand sarcasm literally, we'll end up with, among other things, Bob Guza having a Genie Francis dartboard, dead fathers advising daughters to get STD tests, a police commissioner painting toenails and fetching dry cleaning, writers imprisoned in cells by armed guards, all while I have a mini-breakdown and am forced to wear zippered-ankle Guess jeans and Promising Ingénue routinely does her Dolly Parton impression and stops brushing her hair.
But did they listen? Nooooo.
The worst part of this twist? I picked this exact moment to decide that Trevor Donovan is hot. Jeremy "Horton" is still loathsome, though. And somehow even being involved human smuggling didn't make him interesting.
And the rest of the Touch the Sky storylines are no better. Including Jett, the least engaging, and most oddly-accented, spy ever.
Max to Jett: Okay, Shaft, just chill.
I hope Richard Roundtree is en route to give the writers a beatdown.
Speaking of Max, who I guess is supposed to be the "hero" in this
situation . . . Nothing good happens to Max in Vegas. He gets beat up,
finds out his business partner's into counterfeiting, makes out with
Stephanie, finds out his business partner's into human smuggling. Why
does he keep going? Is the gambling
that good? I thought he was sinking all his airline profits into his
shop? In the wise words of that heffa who insists on continuing to
date the delicious Josh Duhamel (some call her Fergie), Max: If you ain't got no money, take
your broke ass home. In fact, even if you do have money, take your ass
home. AND STOP MAKING OUT WITH YOUR NIECE.