Things I Learned From Days of Our Lives Last Week
I so enjoy being educated by daytime TV. What would I know about DNA if not for Maury, and how much worse off would my life be if I didn't know what Oprah's favorite things are? And without soaps, how would I be prepared to one day conceal the true identity of my babydaddy, escape from the evil clutches of a grandmother determined to have me take over her empire, cope if my mother becomes possessed by the devil, or solve a murder mystery?
Anyway, Days was kind enough to provide some useful new info last week.
1. Adrienne's kids may be invisible, but they do still exist! As does her husband, Justin.
I "love" how it took like three months for the writers to remember that she has a husband and kids that would probably have moved with her to town or that at the very least existed. She came into town, helped rescue her brother, bought a bar, and then, d'oh! Remembered she had a family. Regardless, I am glad for the (tardy) continuity and hope that my longstanding request that the bring back the Kiriakis kids as young adults comes true. Oh, but next step, bring Wally Kurth back!
2. You should not get in the middle of a sword fight between a dude with a grudge who was recently rescued from a deserted tropical island and his evil identical cousin.
Maybe this is an unpopular opinion, but I've never really cared for Bart, so I was unmoved by this whole deal. It's also possible I've just been watching General Hospital long enough that soap homicides, particularly those that don't involve bodies riddled with mafia bullets, totally don't faze me. You know how last year Michael Jackson announced that he was going to have a 50-foot-tall robot version of himself built to roam the desert outside of Las Vegas, to fire laser beams at rattlesnakes while creating circular patterns in the sand so that the aliens know where to land, or something? And your reaction was “meh”? Because it is the least disturbing thing Michael Jackson has done since skinny ties were in style? Yeah. Everything’s relative, right?
3. If you get into a tiff with the guy you nearly cheated on
your ex-boyfriend with, the person to call and bitch at about said tiff
is said ex-boyfriend.
What was that about?! We've come along way since we used to hate Chelsea,
but the writers should know it wouldn't be hard to pick up old habits.
(Just recently I reinstated an addiction to goldfish crackers that I'd
broken when I was about 11.)
4. ISA badges are made at a local Kinko's.
It's the thumbprint that makes it awesome.
I hadn't read spoilers when I posted about Jett possibly being an ISA agent. I am going to remain relatively pessimistic and predict that this won't turn out as awesome as it could. I don't think Jett is going to turn out to be a kick-ass agent, since to start with by his own admission he's deep undercover investigating Jeremy Horton but he doesn't know for what. I love government efficiency!
My hope is that given his history of fraud, Jeremy "Horton"'s crime is actually identity theft, which would explain why he is clearly not Mike Horton's son. By the way, was it odd to anyone else that it turns out Jeremy has spent time in prison? How is it that a close-knit family like the Hortons wouldn't have known about that? Nothing about Jeremy makes sense.
5. It is possible to make the phrase "who's your daddy?"
sound sleazier than usual, even when applied to actual future babies
and a daddy.
Is Lucas really going to be the father of both of the twins? Where is the soapiness in that?! I'm so disappointed. I demand a twist. Will nobody give me a soapy twist?
6. Marlena could reclaim some of her previous coolness if she would just tell her spoiled daughter more often to get an f'ing job and "pitch in" to help her family.
I mean listen, I'm all about the woohoos for full-time moms, but
Belle's whining about her living situation and Shawn's employment status
and so on was getting old, for someone whose last job probably involved lemonade and quarters.
7. There is at least one person who has had a worse time in Las Vegas than I have.
8. I find Roman equally interesting whether he is conscious
Please note that this should not be construed as me having any level of interest in Roman whatsoever.
9. There are things on this show more unappetizing than John and Marlena making out.
Screencaps courtesy of Days of Our Lives 2.