General Hospital Week in Review
I would like to start off by saying that in addition to being part of Cam's awesome recap of the fake hold-up events, this screen capture is the perfect encapsulation of my General Hospital viewing experience:
Liz's angry WTF look, and Cameron's totally disturbing* yet incredibly hilarious reenactment of the gun-pointing that could easily be mistaken for "just put me out of my misery" are ridiculously awesome and taken together represent 87% of my reactions to this show.
* Because he's just a tiny kid! I really hope this was just acting, and they explained to the little boy that this was all make-believe.
So, this week, about a year after a one-night-stand that we've heard almost nothing about since it happened, Jason and Elizabeth finally said they loved each other. After a decade of friendship and intermittent flirtation! But they can't be together! Despite their passion, and their son! Because it's too dangerous! Because he kills people for a living. ::needle-scratching-off-a-record sound effect:: Yeah. Until they change Jason's profession, I'm not getting invested in this story. I don't care how pretty and sweet Rebecca Herbst is, or how likable Janitorial Jason is on Night Shift. You can't manipulate me, writers! Particularly not when Steve Burton's hair still looks like this:
Why will nobody intervene to end my ocular torment?!
(I love that second screencap. I'd like to think Steve Burton is saying, "seriously, all the feathering, it's okay?")
In better news, however, Jason's neck has returned! Pretty much. I am calling off the APB. Though if I were the neck I'd run back into hiding from that hair.
This week Lulu and Logan had sex, in the first non-Sonny-related love scene in as long as I can remember, so the show gets some soapy points for that. I have become a bit of a fangirl for this couple. The actors have a great chemistry, and I like all the baggage the characters have. Plus they have scintillating foreplay talk:
Logan: You deserve better than me.
Lulu: Maybe I don’t want better.
Listen, she's Lucky's sister; I guess we can't expect brilliance.
There's also the possibility that she actually means that she knows Logan's not
good enough for her. After all, he has been kind of a dick, forcibly kissed her at one point, and did something of an undetermined but highly unscrupulous nature in Iraq. She could easily be willfully blind to all by the fact that he is . . .
how should I say?
I cannot be too critical, because at one point I ended up dating a guy who thought that
Idaho shared a border with the District of Columbia and that the Civil War involved Canada. Great abs and a
nice butt make up for a lot! Especially when you're young, and . . . young.
More seriously though, what is up with The Bet? I'm so confused, and I've made clear that I hate it when a soap does that to me. I thought initially Maxie proposed The Bet because she wanted Logan to distract Lulu from Cooper, because Maxie sensed a vibe between them? But now 1) Coop is invisible, and 2) Lulu is clearly not interested in Coop, even if he weren't invisible, so what is Maxie's motivation? She genuinely seems to want Coop to forgive her for kissing Logan, and she doesn't seem to actually want to be with Logan (is she losing her awareness of brutal hotness as she loses weight?), so is she just doing this to hurt Lulu? As Mallory and I have both noted, Kirsten Storms has done a fabulous job of turning Maxie around over the last year or so, to the point where she is my new favorite daytime bitch. But I kind of need a reason to understand why she's hell-bent on torpedoing both her and Lulu's relationships with hot guys. Maybe she's confused too?
I thought so.
Kate's fabulosity dimmed a bit for me this week. First, her faux-testifying and obnoxiousness about the hit-and-run charges was annoying and not at all funny, no matter how hard the latter is what the writers were going for.
Random side note, but just what the hell is up with Sonny and his thousands of room-temperature bottled waters? Who keeps a case of water out on a credenza in their office and living room? The dude has problems that extend beyond being a professional criminal.
Anyway, secondly, Kate's relationship with Trevor is annoying me already and I've seen only about 90 seconds of it. Even before you get to the age and looks mis-match, can someone help me understand how she never questioned the "Lansing" last name and the Ric/Richard thing? I mean, come on, this is Kate, not Lucky.
The good things about Trevor are that he has the potential to seriously mess with Sonny's mind, and the dysfunctional father-son dynamic will likely give Rick Hearst the opportunity to knock a scene or two out of the park and maybe finally get me over my Ric hate.
So, Lucky and Sam. Why are they so hot individually (especially Greg Vaughn -- goddamn), but not together? Maybe it's just the fact that Lucky is still married and Sam's been broken up with Jason for only six minutes, or that Sam has already said she's just out for a revenge fuck, but this whole potential hook-up has no fire for me.
I posted a while back that they would be hot together, but that was before the writers destroyed the last of Sam's rootability. (Although in the interests of full disclosure of my split-personality-ness, nearly a year ago I thought they should get rid of Sam entirely.) Why does this Sam-Lucky thing seem so rushed and forced? How is it possible for even the worst writing to kill the chemistry between Greg Vaughn and Kelly Monaco? Were the showrunners just really counting on Football Wives getting picked up, so they never thought things would get this far? Or was there a collective "oh, shit!" and throwing up of hands in the writers' room when they realized that even after they separated Sam from Jason, they'd still have to write for Sam? With that, have I done more critical thinking about this plotline than the writers collectively have?
I am very puzzled by how damned likable I'm finding Nikolas and Emily lately.
The actors' good rapport has returned (that's not a euphemism -- at
least not an intentional one -- because I don't think they're dating
again, are they?). And compared to pretty much every other couple in Port Charles, they are the picture of a healthy relationship. It's amazing that not long ago, she was sleeping with Sonny (seriously, what WAS that whole thing?), and he was cheating on her with the irredeemably horrible Courtney. This bodes very well for a Kate-Lucky hookup around this time next year.
I have to confess, I wasn't one of the "Rick Springfield is so sexy" types. Jessie's Girl is a great song, which I can appreciate now as an adult who owns lots of 80s compilation CDs, but I was six when it came out, so his sex symbol status was all pretty much before my time. But between his great, flirty scenes with Finola Hughes (who's left again, sob!), and his musical performance on Friday, I totally get it now.
The guy is hot. I swear, if this causes me to finally develop a thing for musicians, at this inappropriate age, there will be hell to pay.
I am, however, totally puzzled by Rick Springfield's accent. When he first started playing Eli, I thought his accent was totally sketchy so looked him up on IMDB and was shocked to find that he was actually born and raised in Australia. But in the couple of interviews I've seen of him in real life (YouTube even has a bunch from the early 80s -- good times), he has an American accent. Yet unless I'm imagining things, his Australian accent is sneaking into his portrayal of Noah now. What is going on? It's possible all of this exists only in my head.
This week on General Hospital, Patrick flirted inappropriately with a woman who is not his girlfriend, in their workplace, in close proximity to that girlfriend. Please try to contain your shock.
I would like for all of the alternate reality Night Shift idiots to stay in the alternate reality, please. That includes, you, Leyla, and the asshole version of you, Patrick.
As an aside, the bigness of Leyla's hair concerns me. I know she's very needy, but she knows that root lifter can't love you back, right?
Despite the fact that his alternate (dick-ish) personality briefly visited from Night Shift, I do continue to be amused when Patrick is hotly confused by Robin's reactions to his ridiculousness.
And really, if you can be hotly goofy while wearing a skinny tie, I can't write you off entirely:
Robin's lighthearted exasperation with Patrick was a refreshing change from the overreactions and outright bitchiness her Night Shift alternate personality has been displaying of late:
Also, I totally approve of Kimberly McCullough's hair this way. I don't love the color job, but I'm sure that won't keep her up nights. She looks adorable!
There is an epidemic of skinniness on this show. More so than any other TV show I've seen, the increasing tininess of the young female stars of GH is disturbing. Particularly when you consider that the camera "ads" 10-15 pounds, is this parade of clavicles and drinking-straw-sized upper arms not terribly worrisome?
That last one especially.
The super-skinny actresses make everyone around them look bigger, which I suppose is fine for the guys, but how thin are you when you can make itty-bitty, ridiculously fit women like Kelly Monaco look normal sized?
I also kind of want to bitch about the jacket Maxie's wearing and the fact that Kirsten Storms seems to stubbornly refuse to touch up her roots, but I'm too depressed after looking through screencaps of her wasting away.
Sonny to Jason: He's your son. You have to raise him.
But that's different from Michael, right Sonny? Right, writers? Because AJ and Jason are so different! I mean, they were brothers and at one point looked almost exactly alike, but AJ had a drinking problem. Jason just kills people for a living. Those are totally different vices and impact the ability/entitlement to raise children in entirely different ways. Duh.
Kate: Newsflash, Sonny. The world doesn’t revolve around you.
I would like a Very Special GH on which every character wears a t-shirt saying this. It could even be a musical episode, or one done entirely through interpretive dance.
I can't even get into the details of the Jax/Carly/Jerry/Irina mess, because I hate it so much. At least in spite of SoapNet/ABC's ridiculous marketing, on the show Carly actually referred to Irina as a rapist and didn't lapse into "you cheated on me!" psychosis. Though it's Carly, so maybe we should add a "yet" to the end of that sentence.
There is one good thing to come out of those pointless scenes this week:
Carly to Irina: Why are you such a stupid bitch?
I had no idea it was okay to just come out and say that! GH has enriched my life. Do you know how useful that sentence is going to be to me, on a weekly if not daily basis? Even just during GH-watching alone?
Screencaps courtesy of Clarissa.