General Hospital Week in Review
This week, a stupid-ass trial ate the entire show. The end.
Okay, fine, maybe a couple of other things happened. But really, not many.
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Please be on the lookout for Jason Morgan's neck, last seen in the spring of 2007.
If you locate the neck, do not approach the individual in possession of it. He is said to be poorly coiffed, and filled with secret pain.
And also he kills people for a living.
No matter what he does or what they reveal about his background, for some reason I still like Logan.
Even his latest rage explosion didn't disturb the sexy. I like Cooper (Jason Gerhart is gorgeous), but come on, getting punched in the face is the most interesting thing Officer Barrett has done in months.
Logan mocking Spinelli's "defense" of Lulu was fun. Lil' Spinelli,
threatening Logan, who is buff and has rage control issues like whoa.
Mostly I just rolled my eyes at Spinelli's idle threats, but this was a great line:
Spinelli: Fair Lulu will not be drawn into the James Deanishness of your social rebellion.
"James Deanishness of My Social Rebellion" is somebody's autobiography title waiting to happen.
Even better line, though:
Logan: …the wizards and weirdo garbage is driving me nuts.
Word, Brutally Hot One.
And Logan and Lulu, much to Spinelli's spastic chagrin I'm sure, are freaking adorable.
I'm so glad I decided to ignore the whole attempted mauling incident. But how much better and soapier would this story be if he didn't already know he was Scotty's kid? Or if Laura was around? About a hundred times better.
Patrick and Robin were on for about seven minutes total this week, but they were adorably bantering for most of it, so at least there's that. Robin's continuing freak-out that their parents might be hitting it is amusing.
Patrick was hotly amused as well.
I really hope they get a spin-off or something where they can
develop their relationship and have more amusing conversations. They
really seemed to have moved past the rut of "Patrick flirks, Robin
pouts" phase, and there are all kinds of interesting and fun things
they can do now!
Sarcasm is my only solace at this point. Why does Night Shift have to suck so much?
Fine, I'll talk about the trial. The highlight for me:
Judge: Mr. Lansing, do you intend to call any witnesses you haven’t slept with?
SERIOUSLY. The whole thing was just ridiculous. The Liz scenes were among the most nonsensical. Ric called Liz to the stand so he could say she’s not reliable? And what info could she offer (that Jason got a phone call) that phone records couldn’t have covered? This whole dumb trial was about the “secret” (ha!) of Jake’s paternity getting out. So, the whole five days of painfully awful courtroom scenes existed solely to have Lucky find out about Liz and Jason's one night stand and ultimately (presumably, if someone draws an easily understandable picture and tattoos the DNA results on his body somewhere), that Jason is Jake's daddy. So poor lied-to Lucky had to sit in court and watch as Liz revealed that her hitman/confidante was actually her hitman/confidante/lovah! You could tell from his expressions how heartbroken he was. Or rather, you could tell from his expression.
Oh, Lucky. So pretty, but so, so dim.
Greg Vaughn remains outrageously hot, though.
Not hot: Liz testifying about how wonderful Jason is. I am so sick of the writers not getting this: JASON IS A HITMAN. He kills other human beings for profit. He is a murderer for hire. His job is ending people's lives. He may be the most loyal friend otherwise, but HE IS A HITMAN. If this show is going to try to sell Jason/Liz, someone, ANYONE, has got to shake some sense into the showrunners that murderers aren’t heroes. There is a great story to be told with Jason Quartermaine coming back and realizing what he’s become, or even Jason Morgan having a crisis of conscience, but this “Who’s the sweetest widdle hired killer ever? You are! You are!” routine is sick. And it's making me hate every character that comes within its orbit.
Anyway, sure, Liz perjured herself and probably ruined her marriage, but she
looked really pretty while she was doing that. Though neither seemed
especially appropriate for court, I loved both her Defend My Babydaddy/Hitman's Honor ensembles:
And her exchange with Ric was interesting.
I actually thought they each mostly spoke the truth, but both of the characters are so close to destroyed at this point that I couldn't even get excited about a good old-fashioned soap fight. Ric as the morally righteous one in any situation just doesn't fly. And Liz acting like she's done absolutely nothing wrong is pretty appalling.
In the end, after all the drama, Liz was so distraught over having hurt her husband, so horrified by having humiliated him in public, so worried about the state of her marriage . . .
. . . that she went to cuddle with her babydaddy/hitman in jail! Oh, Liz. It's a really good thing you're so pretty and have cute clothes, because I could learn to despise you.
Jax came back!
Oh, dear. Not looking refreshed after that extended vacay, Ingo!
Much, much better.
He's stuck on a ship that looks suspiciously like about ten
different sets GH has used before, including the boiler room of the
hospital and maybe Ric's panic room. With Irina, who's threatening to
kill him, even though we know that won't happen. If this weren't so
obviously the setup to try to redeem "Jerry" (I still refuse to
acknowledge that James Craig is Jerry Jacks), I might care, but it is so
I'm even totally fine with the Jax and Irina hook-up, if it breaks up him and Carly.
I'm so annoyed with her character, actually, that I think I'd be fine with nuclear war, if it breaks up Jax and Carly.
Kate continues her miracle-working, making Sonny tolerable.
They are bordering on adorable together. Oh, by the way, I believe her hair could bring peace to the middle east.
She was adorable with Morgan and Michael, though her lightning-fast integration with Sonny's family is concerning.
As is the record pace at which she became a mob apologist. Sure, her testimony at the trial was charming and fun, but that's only if you forget that 1) it was helping a hired killer get away with murder, and 2) it made Sonny even smugger than usual.
Fortunately, all mocking opportunities are not lost, because Kate has been unable to remove Sonny's duh face from his expressions repertoire. My dog makes this exact same face when he hears a doorbell on the TV:
But my dog never, ever makes this face. At least not in front of me. THANK GOD.
Screencaps courtesy of Clarissa.