Days of Our Lives Week in Review
Reasons last week was awesome:
- The new ANTM contestants were announced.
- Labor Day Weekend is the unofficial start to fall, which means in just a month or so I can pull all the cashmere out of the cedar closet. And boots! Boots rule. I love fall clothes.
- I would mention the Red Sox no-hitter (by a 23-year-old! in his second MLB start!), but we are a site divided and I'm pretty sure Mallory, a
n f'ingsuper devout Yankees fan, would delete my post. You all may be in danger of becoming collateral damage depending on how the playoffs shake out. Did I just out us as sports fans? Uh . . . Sephora.Stilettos.Handbags. Equilibrium restored.
- Days got good again. I think there was a conspiracy to make my last SOD column sound stupid by making the show crappy the week my high praise went public. That will teach me to be positive and complimentary.
Even if nothing else fab had happened this week, EJ spent some of it shirtless, and snotty:
EJ to Lucas: By the way, your lips are as soft as rose petals.
Life as a Days viewer is good.
Is this dress
- The ugliest ever seen on Samantha, including when they used to dress poor teenaged Ali Sweeney in seemingly KMart clothes that were two sizes too small.
- The ugliest ever seen on Days of Our Lives, including during the taffeta-and-shoulder-pads madness at the height of supercouple mania in the 1980s.
- Exposing once again the worst fake pregnancy belly ever. Is the father of the babies actually OldPhillip? Because she is cooking some square-headed fetuses in there.
The answer is, of course, "all of the above," and also "I don't have time to answer because I am tracking down the designer of that monstrosity to ensure that demented individual never inflicts such horror on any non-fictional woman who is actually pregnant."
I'm totally repeating myself, but so does her storyline, so I'm giving myself a pass. Anyway, this hair.
It's not acceptable. The cut. The styling. The "retirement community in Fort Lauderdale"ness of it. It's all just so bad.
Shawn thinks so too:
If these two were remotely entertaining to watch, I might not harp on it, but during their scenes her hair is the only thing I can focus on. And so I harp. It's like what I used to do with Max's hair
but now I'm focused on the fact that he has got to STOP FLIRTING WITH HIS NIECE.
The kid who plays Cameron on GH better watch out, because in a couple of years he's going to have competition for the Expression Hall of Fame:
I love this child. They need to put him on contract. I would happily watch scene after scene of him reacting to all the adults around him if it meant no more Touch the Sky crew and their boring ridiculousness. (By the way, I think it's no coincidence that this week was good and featured very little of the younger set.)
However, as I feared from the beginning, I'm worried about where this baby storyline is going. The diapering race between Steve and Hope early in the week was charming
but things quickly went downhill. Stephen Nichols did his very best to sell it, but that montage of Steve trying to get Pocket to stop crying towards the end of the week was awful. It would have been much more appropriate for a Saved by the Bell episode in which Zach is stuck babysitting a cranky infant. Do the writers not see that Steve interacting with a baby is adorable? Why the artificial amping up of cuteness? Ick.
Oh, and don't even get me started on this:
Kayla: You know, in my heart, part of the reason you came back to me, was that you were meant to be a daddy.
Ugh. First, it sounds like something Belle would say, which -- unless it's "you baby-stealing bitch!" -- is not a good thing. Second, this is Steve and Kayla, people! They don't need no stinkin' baby! There are relationships on this show that need to be propped or that can't be entertaining on their own, but this is not one of them. Come on writers,
Use your heads!
So, the woman who worked at the gym . . .
I think I'll just leave it at ". . ."
How great was Kristian Alfonso this week?
So great. And when did she and Bo become the coolest couple in Salem? Why didn't I like them -- Bo in particular -- this much before? I blame the mullet and facial hair. And, of course, the taint of Robert Kelker Kelly.
My only quibble with Hope this week was that in addition to telling Shawn he shouldn't become a cop because she couldn't lose another son, she should have also told him he shouldn't become a cop because he's a moron and the Salem PD exceeded its ineptitude quota years ago. I hope the writers take this opportunity to make Shawn smarter. And interesting. And maybe ten years younger, because I still cannot buy that Kristian Alfonso could be Brandon Beemer's mother.
Back to Bo, I love his and Steve's friendship, especially when Bo tries to calm Steve down when he loses his shit:
Steve: Ya hear that, sound? They're laughin' at us. Stealin' our organs, maimin' our children, and laughin'. Maybe you don't want to do anything, but I'm going to.
That is some deliciously over-the-top soapy melodrama right there. If only he could have worked in "The dude had no pants!" it would have been perfection.
Screencaps courtesy of Days of Our Lives 2.