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« General Hospital Couple of Weeks in Review | Main | Best Comment Ever »

September 24, 2007

Dear Abby, I'm a Hitman in a Pickle

Dear Abby,

I have an etiquette question.  My aunt that I haven't really had a relationship with in nearly 15 years got married recently and her new husband has a grown daughter.  Let's call her . . . Ruru.  Ruru needs a place to stay.  She has assorted cousins, a grandmother with a house, an aunt with a brownstone, a brother with a regular-sized house, and another brother with a multi-winged castle.  But the slightly spastic kid who works for me (building video games and hacking into government computers) somehow asked my sort-of step-cousin Ruru to live with me instead. 

The thing is, a mafia boss pays me to kill people for a living.  So my life is a wee bit dangerous.  So dangerous that I'm not with the mother of my child, because we both think the violence that surrounds me is too much of a threat to her and my son if they were to live with me.  So dangerous that my last live-in girlfriend took a bullet intended for me to the uterus.  So dangerous that my condo has more weapons that many small nations.  So dangerous that I have multiple bodyguards.  So dangerous that I have bullet proof glass for windows.  So dangerous that in spite of all my security, I've been shot more times than 50 Cent. 

So I'm sure you know what my question is.  Now that I've made the obvious decision to let Ruru move in, may I ask her to use the everyday towels?  The guest ones were full price at Bloomingdale's and I'd rather keep them from pilling.

Sincerely,
Chasin' MoreGuns

P.S.  It's also okay if I tell her not to touch my hair products, right?

Comments

"Chasin' MoreGuns?" *dies laughing*

A million thanks for that monniker! Other than that, I have nothing to add to this brilliant bit o' snark. Another eye-rolling moment for GH (I think that makes 3,355,456 now.)

"Ruru!" *snigger*

Hee!

Sorry, I have nothing more to add, I'm just hearing "Ruru" Scooby-Doo style over and over in my head.

Hilarious! The 50 Cent line is classic.

I don't think I could express the exact level of stupidity this show sank to with this move any better....and seriously RuRu is so dead as a Spencer now...she is now and forever RuRu Morgan to this Spencer family fan.

When Lulu told Tracy something along the lines of, "I'll be safer in the hitman's penthouse just because Jason is very well-armed and have lots of bodyguards!" without mentioning why he needs all those guns and bodyguards.

Seriously, she might as well have said that she wants to live in Baghdad because she'll feel safe with all those soldiers around.

Oops, I meant to type "I couldn't believe it when", not just "when."

lmfao!!!!!!!!! awesome!!! its really freaking crazy that lulu chose to move in with jason. its really weird and makes no sense.

To Jason's credit he did have a "why the hell would you want to move in here and how can I possibly get out of this?" expression. As much as Jason ever shows expression.

I'm trying to figure out how many bedrooms that penthouse has...I'd assumed two bedrooms at most, so I'm waiting for a shot of Jason sleeping on the pool table while the teenagers use the bedrooms upstairs.

Chasin' MoreGuns! BWAH! Fantastic.

I can't believe he is housing the teen scene again. Remember Liz and Zander? Back when she was juggling three guys, Jason, Zander, and Lucky. Or was it Ric? Now Spinelli and Lulu. Why doesn't Jason become counselor at PC High. He could direct some kids away from college and into a life of crime. He's a perv.

A ha ha ha ha ha

I started laughing out loud at the "obvious question" bit. Brilliant.

Geeeeniuuuus.

My moment of sur-reality came when Spinelli faced Tracy and spoke this line:

Look, your dysfunction will drive fair Lulu out into the street..

Back in the day, "dysfunction" used to be a valid charge against the Quartermaine family. That was when GH's character list was actually composed of functional families like the Hardys, the Baldwins, the Webers, etc.

The Quartermaines ceased to be the measure of dysfunction about the time, oh, when a tiny scowling monster enticed a brain-damaged youth who had lost his capability to distinguish between right and wrong to become his hitman by convincing said youth that he ought to be "free" to "make his own choices."


Actually the penthouse has 3 bedrooms. The Regretably Pink Room, the nursery no one can touch and Jason's room. Now. I've heard that Liz and the kids move in... So HOW crowded will it be then!!!

LMAO!!! Luvs it! luvs it! what in the name of all contrivance are the writers thinking??!!!! what's a girl to do when she finds out she was used by her gangster boyfriend? she goes to live with his boss, that's what! it makes perfect sense! seriously, i'm starting to hate lulu. she's impulsive. she's an idiot. she's...she's...well, she's carly.

This is making me wish I still watched GH just so I could snark on it!

"Let's call her . . . Ruru. Ruru needs a place to stay. She has assorted cousins, a grandmother with a house, an aunt with a brownstone, a brother with a regular-sized house, and another brother with a multi-winged castle."

Oh, my God! Brilliant.
Roring on the froor, raughing out roud!!!

This show will literally lay every good character on the altar of Jason and Sonny. This past week we said goodbye to, Kate, now it's LULU F-ING SPENCER!! A Spencer!! Oh I can't take anymore.

Rut-roh, Raggy! Great stuff!

Er, I hate to even entertain, much less invite into my brain, this thought, but how long is it until Guza decides that Jason and Lulu are the next Love of Each Other's Lives???!!!

*head exploding*

I think I just peed in my pants a little bit. OMG. Too funny.

Oh, how I love you both. Seriously, I don't even watch OG GH anymore unless myRobin is on, due to the fact that Prince Charming, Stuart Damon, is wandering about wearing a track suit and haunting Tracey, on RECURRING status, while I'm So Constipated Barbie just got a contract ::pokes Guza voodoo doll and curses::-but you STILL made me laugh my freakin' ass off!! What's next, honestly?! Will they bring back Laura to tell Lucky what a shit he is and that St. Lizzie of the ONS BELONGS with St. Jasus of the Holy Hitmen?! You all laugh now, but mark my words....

"So dangerous that my condo has more weapons that many small nations. So dangerous that I have multiple bodyguards. So dangerous that I have bullet proof glass for windows..."
You forgot to add "...but there is no doorman or lock at the main entrance, so anyone (Ric, Trevor, Sam, Jerry, Tracy & Edward Q and EVERYONE else) who wants to can not only sail into the building, but as I never lock my door, everyone just barges in."

Does ANYONE in Port Charles ever lock their doors?! Better yet, does ANYONE in PC every KNOCK before entering a home?!?!?!

Does ANYTHING make sense in the alternate universe that is GH?!?!

BRILLIANT!

Marianne I don't laugh because if I didn't know that Genie LOVED the story of Lucky and Liz I can see good old shithead doing that.

Yes Ruru go live with the guy who betrayed your brother....yeah that will make it hurt so much less when he finds out....

Do they actually think when they write this show or are they really snorting all those drugs Lucky was throwing off the pier there for a second?

Wow! Good thing I'm not watching. It's much better for my mental health to just visit here instead. For the love of Peter Petrelli, why would the writers have Lulu move in with Jason? Why?

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