Dear Abby, I'm a Hitman in a Pickle
I have an etiquette question. My aunt that I haven't really had a relationship with in nearly 15 years got married recently and her new husband has a grown daughter. Let's call her . . . Ruru. Ruru needs a place to stay. She has assorted cousins, a grandmother with a house, an aunt with a brownstone, a brother with a regular-sized house, and another brother with a multi-winged castle. But the slightly spastic kid who works for me (building video games and hacking into government computers) somehow asked my sort-of step-cousin Ruru to live with me instead.
The thing is, a mafia boss pays me to kill people for a living. So my life is a wee bit dangerous. So dangerous that I'm not with the mother of my child, because we both think the violence that surrounds me is too much of a threat to her and my son if they were to live with me. So dangerous that my last live-in girlfriend took a bullet intended for me to the uterus. So dangerous that my condo has more weapons that many small nations. So dangerous that I have multiple bodyguards. So dangerous that I have bullet proof glass for windows. So dangerous that in spite of all my security, I've been shot more times than 50 Cent.
So I'm sure you know what my question is. Now that I've made the obvious decision to let Ruru move in, may I ask her to use the everyday towels? The guest ones were full price at Bloomingdale's and I'd rather keep them from pilling.
P.S. It's also okay if I tell her not to touch my hair products, right?