General Hospital Week in Review
Maybe it's because I spent most of the week pondering my scathing speaking ways, but GH continued to occupy "meh" territory for me. Nothing outwardly offensive, nothing soapily fabulous. I think the powers-that-be are relying on the apparently upcoming mob war to make things interesting, which will at least give me something to write about (hint: not positively). Until then, some random observations for you. . .
I'm sure I was supposed to feel for Elizabeth and admire Jason for coming clean, but I could only sit and laugh myself into an unattractive snort-fest as the usually uncommunicative hitman revealed to Liz the list of people who thanks to him know the "secret" of Jake's paternity:
- probably Emily
Hee! It was like the "secret" that the two of them had slept together
in the first place, but better, because one of the characters actually
stood there and rattled off the list of secret-knowers. Awesome.
Well, "awesome," in that it was unintentional comedy, but I'll take
awesomeness where I can get it with this mess of a soap.
Their scenes together in the barn (is there a more fabulous cliché in all of daytime than the romantic barn?) were pretty good. Becky Herbst and Steve Burton have great chemistry, and Liz and Jason as a couple is a long time coming, I suppose. But I swear, if they don't write Jason out of the mob before pairing them up I will . . . well, there's nothing I can do, but I'll be even more critical than usual. My friends and family have therefore started a Jason Leaves the Mob letter-writing campaign.
In order to make way for attempt #24 at Liason though, of course Lucky and Elizabeth have to divorce.
I thought the break-up was actually pretty well done, with the obvious and predictable exception of the pacing, which was a complete mess. I think Liz packing and moving -- which took place at an appropriately soapy pace -- took longer than their entire "try to make it work" phase. And the divorce? If those can happen so quickly in faux New York state, then why was Carly teleporting back and forth to the Dominican Republic the last time she wanted to get rid of Sonny?
Lucky: I think it's time that we face what we've known was going to happen for a while.
That was possibly the first smart thing Lucky has said since 2005.
I thought the actors were very good together (back when the writers actually made an effort to write Liz and Lucky as a non-doomed couple), and I will mourn the loss of such a high concentration of prettiness in their scenes together
But there's always YouTube.
I loved that they panned to Liz and Lucky's wedding photo
so we could remember the halcyon, long-ago days of . . . March 2007. Seriously, will they be fixing the pacing on this show anytime soon?
The highlight of the separation scenes for me was, of course, Cameron.
That kid is brill.
Oh, and I lied, there was one more thing that really bugged me about
the break-up. Remember a year or two ago, when Elizabeth and Lucky
were always inexplicably broke, and they lived in that hole of an
apartment and Liz had to borrow money from Jason? Now they split up
and Elizabeth can afford a ridiculously nice house on her own, without
What the hell? The writers really don't even watch their own show, do they?
Jason finally yelling at Carly about how she talks about Liz was delightful. Thank god we have Awesome Writer to take the bold stance that there are at least a couple of things that happen in Port Charles that aren't Carly's business. I think Carly totally understands that she stepped over the line and will from here on out not try to control Jason's life -- why, just look at her reaction to his justified reprimand!
I should probably mention that I also believe that Ashlee Simpson is a natural beauty and that OJ will one day find the real killers.
I guess it was the week for Carly to get told off. For once I won't
complain about the writers' lack of fresh ideas, because people could
yell at Carly every day from now until 2009 and Carly would still be ahead by thousands of yell-fests. Scotty's response to Carly telling off Logan for what he did to Lulu was classic soap.
Scott: Oh, hey, pot, meet kettle. Carly, when you blew into town, within months you were sleeping with your own mother's husband. What has this kid really done that's so bad compared to the wake of destruction you've left in your path? So where do you get off being so self-righteous?
Marry me, Scott Baldwin. I'll totally be okay with the fact that your daughter is invisible and that you're obsessively in love with a wig on a stick.
But of course Lulu doesn't ever tell Carly off, because apparently Lulu wants to be Carly. Or at least the writing staff wants to turn Lulu into Carly, to my ongoing irritation.
Carly to Lulu: We have to have a talk about bad boys, and how you stay away from them.
Oh, goody. I haven't had nearly enough irony-triggered eyerolls this week.
Even setting aside the ridiculousness of someone who married two different mob kingpins, one of them four times, and who remains best friends with a professional hitman advising another woman to stay away from "bad boys," can we agree that said someone's advice on anything should be dismissed out of hand for thinking this is a cute look?
I guess I'm happy to see a bra peeking through there, but the rest of that ensemble is a hot mess. We are heading into year three of the Tragic Wardrobing of the Otherwise Seemingly Awesome Laura Wright, and while part of me likes making fun of it (a really big part), I do start to feel seriously sorry for her.
I guess if Gopher can be a Congressman, Isaac can be a judge.
Was I the only one who was waiting for the finger guns? They wouldn't have seemed out of place in those ridiculous scenes.
Diane: You are absolutely clueless about fashion, aren't you?
. . .
So we had at least two cases of pot-calling-kettle-black-itis this week, I guess.
Ric's "are you kidding me?" look, which I like to think was
Rick Hearst's actual reaction to the scene, was hilarious, but the rest
was insane. This whole contrived bullshit story is just one more way
to put Kate and Sonny together, and I can think of few things I'm less
interested in seeing than that.
And ordering community service at General Hospital as punishment for a criminal offense? How original! It's been at least a couple of months since these writers have used that idea. Does this mean that on Saturday nights, Kate will be killing people now? Because if she selects victims based on fashion faux-pas, I might be able to get behind that.
Kate marching into the hospital and ordering Epiphany around was
amusing, as was her reaction to the suggestion that she clean patient
Kate: Oh, I think there's been a mistake. I don't clean.
To which Emily and Liz responded with hilarious dueling "the freaking hell?" looks
Ha! Those may be Expression Hall of Fame worthy.
So sure, they're slowing stripping away everything that made Kate
interesting, and we're clearly in for a full-scale Sonny "romance," but
I'm still virtually certain Megan Ward's hair could cure cancer.
So for now, I guess that's enough for me.
Yeah, I'd be angry too, Diane
if they put me in another goddamned bow
and another effing tie.
But wait, she was legitimately pissed about something non-wardrobe related!
Sonny: Do you ever hear yourself, Diane? The whole world does not revolve around your impressive legal brilliance.
Diane: No, of course it doesn't. It revolves around almighty you. Your business, your ex-wife, your children by multiple mothers, your devoted enforcer who eliminates people whenever, wherever –-
I am so glad to have Diane and Georgie as the anti-mob voices of reason that I don't even really care that they're punished for speaking out with heinous outfits.
What a difference a day makes. Have they ever done anything less flattering to Natalia Livingston's hair?
Well, sure, they have, but this was pretty bad. The next day she looked fabulous, though:
Just say no to the pull-back, Natalia.
Oh, Skye. What's the weather like in Irrelevantistan?
Poor Robin Christopher. The writers seem to remember Skye is still on the canvas about once every other month, and somehow her scenes always involve her begging some guy or another to help her.
I realize the writers are really wrapped up with incorporating this cutting-edge technology they just discovered, known as "text messaging," into their mob storylines
but you'd think they could have remembered to resolve last week's cliffhanger in which Johnny Zacchara dropped off the roof of a very tall building? Before having him just pop up and start vexatiously texting again?
This writing team seriously can't remember what happened THE DAY BEFORE.
I suppose I should be grateful, given how they've been written lately, that Patrick and Robin weren't really on this week.
I don't want to start a celebration, because there is still much more work to be done, but . . . it appears Steve Burton trimmed his hair!
Why not a full cut though, Steve? Just for me? I could promise not to write so much stuff about how Jason kills people for a living and is therefore a terrible romantic lead for a soap opera. I'm already warming up to you thanks to your ongoing "WTF?" reactions to the Spinelli character, and because Jason is about ten times more interesting now that he's not with Sam, so something like a nice, serious haircut could possibly pull me into the "I can ignore the whole professional murderer thing and become a squeeing 'shipper" camp. Possibly. How about you cut all that hair off and then we can discuss things further?
Sonny trying to order Carly to move in with him, for her protection, is cracking me up. Yes, she'd definitely be safer with Sonny, particularly if she's giving birth. This show, man. So fucked up.
Sonny did legitimately, intentionally crack me up this week too though.
Sonny: Okay, I need you to get out of here, cuz I need to speak to him without you ::chatting mouth hand motion:: doing what you do.
Spinelli: That was succinct and somewhat articulate but don't you think –-
Sonny: Beat it!
Spinelli: Beating it, Godfather
Sonny: And don’t call me Godfather.
I was as entertained as Jason was by the whole thing. I know normally that would mean I was stone-faced and blinky, but Steve Burton really does seem to be on the verge of busting out laughing in some of these Spinelli scenes, and I am right there with him. Anyone, even Sonny, pointing out how ridiculous Spinelli is is okay by me.
Poor Georgie Jones.
1. Her mother is on the longest trip to Texas in the history of mankind.
2. Her dad has been on some spy adventure since she was in utero.
3. She is mooning over this
who to add insult to injury is in love with the girl who slept with Georgie's husband after she ill-advisedly got married in the midst of a monkey virus epidemic.
4. And finally, she is wearing this
Yes, that's a red t-shirt with a maroon bag. No, that's not okay
under any circumstances that don't involve being held at gunpoint. Not
that I'm ruling that out, since she was in Jason's
home for wayward and non-wayward-yet- inexplicably-homeless youth penthouse.
Screencaps, as always, courtesy of the fabulous Clarissa.