Night Shift Episode 12: What Becomes of the Broken Hearted
PREVIOUSLY on Night Shift: Leyla and Patrick did the nasty; Robin found out that Leyla and Patrick did the nasty; Robin briefly kidnapped Stacy's baby before finally returning her to her father; Kelly and Andy tried to help each other with their addictions but didn't realize that they needed to be saved from themselves; Jolene and MedCam continued their evil planning; Cody pulled the plug on Lainey's father; Spinelli ruined by entire year with his freakout over his self-diagnosed sex addiction; the _______ Barrett storyline was introduced and promptly forgotten; Billy Dee was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor
Becca had a scheduling conflict last night, so you have me for another week. And I think we all know that "scheduling conflict" means "turning to the guidance of the Amish rather than allow one more second of Night Shift to pollute her innocent eyes".
We begin in medias res: Patrick and Regina are in the middle of a conversation and Patrick (somewhat snottily, but, hey, that's par for the course with Night Shift Patrick) tells Regina to be extra vigilant with this surgery, it's extremely difficult under the best of circumstances and, what with the various murders and mysterious accidents going on at the hospital, tension is even higher. And also, Regina fucks up everything she touches, so he's a little nervous about her involvement (not explicitly stated, but heavily implied!). She vows to be the best student nurse the student nursing world has ever seen, but he's too busy watching Leyla pass by. As he checks her out, he tells Regina that if anything goes wrong with Billy Dee's operation, he will make it his personal mission to make heads roll, and he orders her to prep the OR.
Leyla starts to walk into a room, and Ms. Sneed appears from whatever corner she was lurking in to exposit that the entire wing of the hospital was shut down and that it's just a matter of time before GH becomes a business. As she departs, she adds darkly, "We're entering a sad era indeed". Leyla is all, whatevs, and sprints into the room where Patrick was also sprinting, and they proceed to make out and disrobe. Patrick is shirtless and we're treated to a wannabe sexy shot of Leyla dramatically unpinning her bun so that her ginormous hair falls about her shoulders. The sex is had.
A quick cut brings us a tragic juxtaposition: Robin, alone in the locker room, glumly brushes her bangs in front of the mirror. She starts to cry. Even though the reason she is crying is insane (losing the baby she had no right to), I still want to hug her and make her soup and sit her on my couch to watch an Ugly Betty marathon until she feels better. Lainey walks in and remarks that Robin looks like she feels. Robin tells her that Lainey's sadness trumps hers. What is this, the Olympics of suffering? Lainey says pain is pain. I felt a longer life lesson coming on, but Ford walks in and tells Lainey the police are back and would like to ask her some more questions about her father's murder.
At the nurse's station, Jason does his best charming "I'm a hired killer...wanna makeout?" look and asks a nurse about Jolene: where she's from, what she likes to do, etc. Spinelli watches from afar, weirded out. Honestly, I know Spinelli is...off, but what is with the constant hanging around the hospital on a Saturday night?! The nurse tells Jason to ask Jolene himself (and seriously, does she know who she just dissed? JASON, THE MOST AWESOME HITMAN EVAH!). He is obviously unaccustomed to rejection of any kind. But he doesn't threaten to kill her, so, hey, progress. Spinelli rushes over and wonders why Jason is pumping nurses for information on Jolene? Is it to facilitate a setup with Spinelli? His face falls as he realizes that Jason is investigating Jolene because of her possibly nefarious deeds. Spinelli protests that Jolene might be dismissive, but she's not a killer.
Now...okay. Did I miss something? I thought the last scene Jason and Jolene had was when he saw her slamming things around in a supply room? I know Jason is the greatest person to ever grace this or any planet, but...from that freakout, he was able to deduce that she is the person responsible for the mayhem at GH? I am not surprised that he figured out what the police didn't, because I'm not an idiot and I've watched this show before, but...WHAT THE HELL? Would it have actually caused the writers physical pain to maybe plot this little story out a little bit? Have Jason suspicious of her for, like, two episodes or something?
Like, for example:
- Episode 9: the killer is revealed to be Jolene; Episode 10: Jason becomes suspicious of Jolene; Episode 11: Jason investigates Jolene
But this show had it mapped out like:
- Episode 9: the killer is revealed to be Jolene; Episode 10: is there a TCBY anywhere around here? Does TCBY still exist?; Episode 11: I see something shiny over there, I wonder where it is; Episode 12: Burritos are better than enchiladas but not better than fajitas; Episode 13: Jason saves the day
and was apparently like, "Eh, fuck it. Who needs a logical progression of storylines? What is 'logic', anyway? Isn't one man's logic another man's confusion? And doesn't Steve Burton make everything better, even if it's logic or confusion? Yeah. Exactly"
Back to the cheeriest lil' serial killer in the world: She's in her little lair with Medcam, who reiterates that she needs to kill one more person before the conclusion of their mission. Those words remind me that this show is almost over, and I briefly rejoice. Medcam apparently plans to go public with the takeover announcement the next morning, and says that one more death is needed, and it has to be high profile, like, say, "someone in the family". She realizes that he means Billy Dee.
Speaking of: Epiphany asks Billy Dee how he is, and he asks her to explain how the surgery works. It works thusly: Patrick would place small metal clamps in front of and behind the bleeding. Billy Dee wonders if he'll be able to pick up satellite radio with that much metal in his head. She laughs hysterically, which is completely out of whack with how funny the joke actually was (not). She asks if he'd like her to call anyone, and, judging by his exasperated reaction, it seems like she's asked this question a million times before. She says she's not at all worried. OMG IS THIS FORESHADOWING?!?!
Credits. Remember when the idea that laughing gas would cause an explosion was the most ludicrous thing about this show?
HOLY CRAP, It's MAC! Remember him?! I was so confused for a second, like, "Am I watching the right show?" He tells Lainey that he knows she professed a public desire for her father's suffering to end, and says he's not trying to connect it to the other murders and accidents in the hospital, but that it's an isolated incident. Lainey stares at him blankly, but I'm not sure if it was a deliberate acting choice or if that's just Kent King's normal face. Mac wonders if she has anything to say that will exonerate her. She and Cody, who is lurking, exchange meaningful looks and she says that all that matters is that her father's last wish was granted. Mac says he has no choice but to place her under arrest. Geez, Mac, we see you for three seconds and you do a bone-headed thing. Sure "common sense" might dictate that Lainey is the most logical suspect, but you really should have run this past Jason first, just to save yourself the embarrassment of failing. Again. Because you're the worst police commissioner ever.
Regina is dutifully prepping the OR for Billy Dee's surgery; Jolene comes in and offers to help, but Regina declines. She says that Patrick is approximately 1,000 times more intense than usual now that the patient is Billy Dee. Which...what? Why? I meant to ask last week: what is this huge bond that Patrick has with Billy Dee? Is it just because of the phantom "When The Saints Go Marching In" singing?
In Billy Dee's room, Pip comes in and asks him if he wears a watch; confused, he says he sometimes does and wonders what that has to do with anything. She explains that the hospital has designated visiting hours and his friends show up whenever they please (adorably, he interrupts: "I have no friends!" Hee.) and from outside, the melodious sounds of "When The Saints Go Marching In" start. The rest of the saints do, in fact, march in. Literally. To the room. He is shocked and gleeful. Epiphany watches the reunion with the satisfied smirk of someone who went against someone's express orders to do what she thought was right. Many jokes are made about aging and a jolly good time is had by all. For now. Before something terrible happens! Oops, spoiler!
Somewhere, Robin and Jason are chatting. She says that she feels lost after losing the baby, and he points out that the breakup mustn't be helping her. Like, way to make her remember just how tragic she is, Jase. She says that losing the baby is actually worse. She doesn't have time go cry over "yet another" relationship gone bad (yet another? What is she talking about? Patrick...Breakup with Jason Part II...Stone. That's hardly a long line of failed romances). Jason says that this doesn't sound like her and she says she's changed. She has different needs now and what was fulfilling to her before, isn't anymore. He stares at her and sort of gives her the sex eye. Or maybe I'm just imagining things.
(Dear lord, I'm imagining Steve Burton's sex eye. Please alert the federal authorities and file a class action lawsuit against the GH brass for brainwashing. I thank you in advance)
Postcoital Patrick and Leyla confirm that the sex was good for both of them. That's...great. Leyla tells Patrick not to be angry but that this has to stop, and by "this" she means "whatever we're doing". Grossing out the audience? I thank you for your help in ending this horror, Leyla. Patrick is all "...??..." and says that he doesn't require investment. She counters that she does, because she tends to fall in love with the men she sleeps with. He thinks she's pulling a Patrick and doing the "duck and cover and run like hell" thing at the beginning of a relationship, which, seriously, that's so Patrick circa 2005, and I don't know why they had to undo all of his character growth. Well, I mean, I do know why, it's because they're hacks, but you know what I mean. He doesn't want anything besides a fuck buddy; she's all, "that's great for you, but I have needs to". She apparently loses herself when she falls in love and it interferes with her work, which really sucks because she promised her parents that she'd use her success as a nurse to help them regain the status that they lost when they left Iran. We already knew that and it was not interesting either time she told the story. Anyhoo, she says to consider her a notch on his bedpost and leave it at that.
Billy Dee and the Saints are still singing "When The Saints Go Marching In" and laugh uproariously. The Saints tell him that when Epiphany called, they came to Port Charles as fast as they could. They look at one of their album covers and all giggle. There is much reminiscing and laughing, and Epiphany watches it all unfold like the busybody she is. Billy Dee stares at the woman on the back of the album cover, and Epiphany says she tried to contact her (of course she did!) but had no luck. They all remember Michelle and how Leland threatened to kill Billy Dee over Michelle. Billy Dee remarks that Leland never forgave him and wouldn't you know it, Leland is right at the door to confirm that! Epiphany is all "I called you and you said you wouldn't come. What changed your mind?" This leads to an amazing exchange where Leland says he wanted front row seats to the greatest show on earth. High School Musical on Ice? No, Billy Dee says that Leland means his death. Oh. Leland's evil grin confirms that. Leland is badass!
Elsewhere, Mac reads Lainey her rights as Cody watches from afar. He makes like he's stealing pills and causes a scene where he screams at her and calls her a bitch and admits to killing her father and if he knew it would "cause the bitch more pain", that he'd do it again. I have given up on ever hoping to understand what they were going for with this storyline.
Spinelli is in a room, which I presume is one of the ones in the abandoned wing, working on the background check. He mentions that Jolene's father died, and Jason pounces on that like white on rice. Spinelli explains that he died in a hospital, and negligence was suspected. Jolene's mother never forgave the hospital. A light bulb goes off in Jason's head.
At the nurse's station, Regina starts to gossip about Patrick and Leyla, but Jolene wants none of it, snottily saying that realizes it might be difficult for Regina to grasp, but she has a lot on her mind. Regina wonders what the hell her problem is, and Jolene snaps out of her rage and says it's nothing. Regina says that she doesn't care how stressed out Jolene is, she did not deserve to be attacked. Jolene sighs.
Back in Billy Dee's room, Leland says he doesn't wear his [friendship?] bracelet anymore because it burns his flesh. Yikes! There is a brief, horrible line including the phrase "bros before hos", which shook me to my very core. Backstory: on the long hard journey to the world of sex, drugs and rock'n'roll, Leland and Billy Dee were best friends forever. They worked their asses off to achieve success and Leland walked away and never looked back. Billy Dee says that he never took the bracelet off, which was the whole point of it, and Leland says that he wanted no connection to Billy Dee at all. Actually, he wanted him dead because of Billy Dee's bottomless pit of an ego. He evilly says "looks like I might finally get my wish". !!! Where has Leland been all my life? His surliness is EXACTLY what we needed to make this show not suck! Billy Dee says he might hold on just to piss Leland off, and thanks him. Not for the death wish, but for the time of his life. He looks pensive as a slow, sad version of the theme song plays. OMG DO YOU THINK SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN?!?!
Jason comes to visit Billy Dee, who says he's not looking forward to his surgery. Jason says he's had brain surgery twice. Billy Dee wonders, "What the hell is wrong with you?" How long do you have to listen? I'll try to be as brief as possible. I guess I could just start and end with "kills people for money"...oh, you mean, medically. Jason backstories that the first surgery was because of AJ's drunk driving accident and he doesn't really remember the second one, but he's here, which is good news for Billy Dee. Epiphany rushes in to break up this bonding session and yells at Jason to get out and let Billy Dee breathe. Jason shakes his hand solemnly and tells him to hang in there which, apparently, is what Billy Dee does best. I thought he caressed the elevator best? I am so confused. Epiphany sits on Billy Dee's bed and launches into a story about how he inspired her to change her life. Hey, I thought she said he needed time to breathe! Anyhoo, she went to a show at the Regal Theater (which he mentioned last week as his favorite place to play) when she was 14, and he was the best singer she's ever seen. If he hadn't happened to her, she would have gone on a whole different path. See, I started to get worried that she was going to tell him that he was Stan's father, and, you know, I've grown fond of Billy Dee, so I was nervous he'd have knocked up Epiphany when she was a teenager which, ew, but it turns out that he broke up a "rumble" she had with another girl in an alley after the show and said something to her that changed her life.
It's time for the "Robin and Patrick Fight" portion of the episode. Patrick is mad that she's avoiding him and says she can't do it forever since they work together, and she says this is yet another reason why you don't play where you work. He grabs her and pulls her into a supply closet and demands that she apologize to him. !!!!!!! She's rightly pissed and says he has no right to make this her fault. He says he warned her about getting attached, and she said she was attached to Stacy, and he should have understood. He claims that he would have loved the chance to understand (which, bullshit), and she sneers that he was too busy chasing Leyla. He then takes his dickishness to a whole new level and says that at least she was more available than his alleged girlfriend. Um, WTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTF? So it's TOTALLY OKAY to have an inappropriate flirtation with someone if your significant other isn't paying enough attention to you. I will file that information away for later use. And whatthefuckever, Patrick was flirting with Leyla in the very first episode, well before he and Robin were having any issues and he has repeatedly chosen Leyla over Robin and treated Leyla better than Robin ages before Stacy and her baby became Robin's focus. So, basically, he's a complete asshole who rewrites history when he sees fit. Nice. Poor Jason Thompson, watching his character get rewritten and ruined for zero reason.
Dr. Ford approaches Leyla at the nurse's station to tell her she made a mistake on a chart. He tells her it's unlike her (What is with the blatant propping of this girl?) and she says she's mortified. Regina watches the whole scene unfold with her adorable headband. She asks if Leyla's okay, and she knows how it feels to be on the receiving end of one of Dr. Ford's rants. Leyla says she thought he showed restraint and it was a horrible mistake and she could have harmed a patient. Regina says that they all make mistakes and Leyla has the audacity to say "Not me". Um, what the hell do you call it when you leave an HIV+ pregnant woman with complications with her pregnancy in an elevator with a hitman and his college student cybergeek sidekick? I mean, I'd go with "gross negligence" and "something that should have gotten her kicked out of the program", but I'll settle for "mistake". Regina gives her a pep talk about the dangers of self sabotage, and Leyla thanks her. I liked Regina better when she hated Leyla:o(
Back to Epiphany's never ending story: Billy Dee promised her the chance to be a Saint for the day if she agreed to do something that he told her to at the end of the day. This day is apparently one of her favorite memories and it's when she felt her self esteem kick in, and then he crushed her heart and told her that he never wanted to see her again because she had something special and he hoped she'd go out and realie her potential and--they finish in unison--if she did, he'd have left a little something good in place. He confirms that he did. Patrick comes in and says they're ready to go. Epiphany asks to scrub in, but Patrick turns her down. Billy Dee asks her to hold onto his bracelet, because he'll need it back when he gets out OMG FORESHADOWING! WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?!
In the hallway, Jolene lurks like a lurking thing.
Jail: Cody stares into space and Lainey comes to visit. She wonders why he let himself get caught stealing meds. He says he liked her father and that the daughter's not so bad. I do not care one iota.
In the OR: Robin comes into assist, and Patrick thanks her for it. She tells Leyla (or "Nurse", as she calls her) that she'll take it from there. Patrick announces that one clip is in.
At the nurse's station, Epiphany fondles Billy Dee's bracelet. Regina asks if she needs any help, and Pip asks for a miracle. Regina says that Billy Dee has helped her a lot and all of her prayers are with him. She offers to watch the nurse's station while Epiphany takes a break, and when Epiphany declines, she assertively orders her to go take a break immediately. Epiphany smiles and says, "Yes, ma'am". That was a cute scene.
Suspicious music plays: Jolene runs in and intercepts a cart that the Jason hating nurse from the start of the episode was pushing. Jason comes out of nowhere and asks if she's also working on Billy Dee's surgery; she's not, just passing by. He offers to walk with her, and as she passes him, he glares. Oooh, she's a marked woman! He's out for blood!
OR: the blood vessel burst. Medical flurry. Epiphany is watching in the gallery.
Jason and Spinelli meet in the stairwell. Jason is convinced that Jolene is behind all of the "accidents". Spinelli tries to tell Jason that Cody confessed to killing Mr. Winters, so it's entirely possible that Jolene is innocent, but Jason is firm. Sometimes you can't tell a person is bad just by looking at them. Sounds like someone just rented Stranger Danger for his soundbites!
The MedCam lair: Medcam reiterates that a successful mission is critical for MedCam's takeover. Jolene mentions that Jason interrupted, but is quick to say he didn't suspect her at all. He says that she better hope not, because they're way too close to their goal to risk exposure now, and it would be bad news for her to become the MedCam scapegoat.
OR: Bad things are happening. Patrick implores Billy Dee to come on. Epiphany watches from the gallery, looking broken. His pressure is dropping and he starts to flatline. Andy (hopefully sober!) starts chest compressions and we hear and see the drama in the OR while a bright light overlaps and we're treated to...a flashback? A dream sequence? Heaven?
There is no montage tonight, but we're treated to a full song and dance break...in Billy Dee's mind! I...I don't know. I don't even know what to make of it. It was so weird.
The Saints are onstage together, united and singing "Broken Hearted" (hey, it's the title of the episode!) in front of a crowd, which they never did in their heyday. It goes back and forth from the current version of the Saints to them in their youth. Michelle walks in from the back and both young and old Billy Dee see her. Old Billy Dee watches Young Billy Dee. The audience members right in front of the stage look like they are the same brand of CGI as the sunrise. The Saints dance. Out in the audience, we see the whole gang: Epiphany, looking pretty. Stacy holding her baby. Mrs. Storch smiling like she's just seen the most beautiful clown tapestry in the world. Spinelli grooves in his seat and Jason gives him a hilarious "What is your damage?" look. Jolene bops to the music. We see Leyla, Cody, and Patrick and Robin sitting together; Lainey. Dr. Ford is all "What the hell is this are and bee music the kids are listening to?". We see a closeup of Billy Dee's friendship bracelet. The song ends, there's wild applause and a standing ovation and Billy Dee beams. Kelly claps, Spinelli holds a lighter up, Mr. Winters is smiling and we suddenly go back to the OR where "Broken Hearted" is replaced by the sound of Billy Dee flatlining as we fade to a white screen.
That was the weirdest effing thing I have ever seen.
I guess I will start with the obvious: you killed Billy Dee Williams! You bastards!
It was nice to see a BDW-centric episode, but it was too little, too late, you know? The writers obviously didn't realize what a coup casting him was, because they didn't write anything for him in the prior episodes that was in the same hemisphere as good. Going from creepy elevator button pusher to former musical superstar? It's almost like they wrote all of these episodes on the fly without any sense of continuity or character development...
It was nice to see a different side of Epiphany. When they write her like a human being and not a robot programmed to scream and be a bitch, Sonya Eddy really shines. The episode was too Pip heavy for my liking, but she did a great job with her quiet scenes.
Everything else was either boring or terrible. I don't care about Foghorn Leghorn's takeover of the hospital, and I don't care about Lainey and Cody. I don't even care about the angel of death, and I really should, because it's a plot straight out of a Lifetime Movie Network movie, and I'm all about the LMN. But...no. Also, headbands aside, Regina is completely useless.
Falling under the terrible umbrella is, of course, the continued decimation of Robin and Patrick for no real reason besides extreme laziness and zero creativity. And Leyla. Leyla is terrible. I don't hate Leyla because Patrick is dating her, I hate Leyla because we're told how perfect she is and how she's the best at everything, ever, but we never see that in action. Isn't it Soap Writing 101 that you have to show people, not just tell them? Lordy.
I hate this show.
Next week: our long national nightmare is ending and Becca and I will be tag-teaming the show's glorious finale.