The Horror! The Horror!
On August 10th, I casually mentioned
The goddamn clown is still laughing like a maniac. He tells Patrick and Jolene that he laughs uncontrollably 20 or 30 times a day and during these laughing fits, his arms flail about. Honestly, that visual is absolutely terrifying. I can't think of anything more horrifying than that.
That's all it was: a casual comment. I guess it's my own fault for putting something like that out in the universe, but that's all it was, just an aside. It was NOT a challenge to see what could possibly be more horrifying than a clown prone to random fits of insane laughter, Hogan Sheffer! But, you know, CONGRATULATIONS for topping the terror of that Night Shift episode.
Because you know what's more terrifying than the unhinged Night Shift clown? Andre DiMera dressed as a clown on a mission to murder Sami. THAT IS NOT OKAY. That's, like, a plot specifically designed to give innocent members of the viewing audience a severe case of PTSD. And by innocent members of the viewing audience, I mean me.
...I...???...I have no words for today's episode of Days. I just don't. I'm speechless. I'm never speechless; on the contrary, I'm often prone to babbling whenever I'm shocked or happy or sad or angry or confused. So, you know, when I'm awake, I'm babbling. But Days managed to put me into a catatonic stupor. And you know, I had never disliked Thaao Penghlis in any way before. I thought he was cheesy and I wished he would lay off the Tang and carrot diet, but that was it. Now, though? I'm not going to be able to enjoy any flirting with Anna or riding horses into morning rooms because I'm going to be too worried that Thaao Penghlis is hiding in the bushes, waiting to cannibalize my brain. It's sad. So now he joins the ranks of Tim Curry and Willard Scott as innocent people who I will now always be suspicious because of their unfortunate association with clowns (You think I'm kidding, but I always have to change the channel when Williard Scott wishes a happy birthday to 108 year olds in Kentucky. I mean, part of that is because he's senile, but most of it is the clown connection). So thanks for that, Hogan. TONY ON HORSE was all I had for a while, and you took it away from me. Great. Thanks.
Unless all of the above was a cunning plan to distract me from the Stephanie/Max and Belle/Shawn scenes, since if I am hysterical, I won't be able to obsess about how icky the Stephanie/Max nice/uncle hookup is or how Belle and Shawn are so lame that I'm more entertained by CBS sitcoms, in which case...well played, Hogan. Well played.
(Um, if any of you need me, I'll be around all night, afraid to sleep, staring suspiciously at my bedroom door. Cheers!)