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« And They Don't Call Cabs Because . . .? | Main | Night Shift Episode 10: Falling Star »

September 12, 2007

The Horror! The Horror!

On August 10th, I casually mentioned

The goddamn clown is still laughing like a maniac. He tells Patrick and Jolene that he laughs uncontrollably 20 or 30 times a day and during these laughing fits, his arms flail about. Honestly, that visual is absolutely terrifying. I can't think of anything more horrifying than that.

That's all it was: a casual comment. I guess it's my own fault for putting something like that out in the universe, but that's all it was, just an aside. It was NOT a challenge to see what could possibly be more horrifying than a clown prone to random fits of insane laughter, Hogan Sheffer! But, you know, CONGRATULATIONS for topping the terror of that Night Shift episode.

Because you know what's more terrifying than the unhinged Night Shift clown? Andre DiMera dressed as a clown on a mission to murder Sami. THAT IS NOT OKAY. That's, like, a plot specifically designed to give innocent members of the viewing audience a severe case of PTSD. And by innocent members of the viewing audience, I mean me.

...I...???...I have no words for today's episode of Days. I just don't. I'm speechless. I'm never speechless; on the contrary, I'm often prone to babbling whenever I'm shocked or happy or sad or angry or confused. So, you know, when I'm awake, I'm babbling. But Days managed to put me into a catatonic stupor. And you know, I had never disliked Thaao Penghlis in any way before. I thought he was cheesy and I wished he would lay off the Tang and carrot diet, but that was it. Now, though? I'm not going to be able to enjoy any flirting with Anna or riding horses into morning rooms because I'm going to be too worried that Thaao Penghlis is hiding in the bushes, waiting to cannibalize my brain. It's sad. So now he joins the ranks of Tim Curry and Willard Scott as innocent people who I will now always be suspicious because of their unfortunate association with clowns (You think I'm kidding, but I always have to change the channel when Williard Scott wishes a happy birthday to 108 year olds in Kentucky. I mean, part of that is because he's senile, but most of it is the clown connection). So thanks for that, Hogan. TONY ON  HORSE was all I had for a while, and you took it away from me. Great. Thanks.

Unless all of the above was a cunning plan to distract me from the Stephanie/Max and Belle/Shawn scenes, since if I am hysterical, I won't be able to obsess about how icky the Stephanie/Max nice/uncle hookup is or how Belle and Shawn are so lame that I'm more entertained by CBS sitcoms, in which case...well played, Hogan. Well played.

(Um, if any of you need me, I'll be around all night, afraid to sleep, staring suspiciously at my bedroom door. Cheers!)

Comments

Aww. I feel sorry for the coulrophobics out there. Especially since I took advantage of my sister's own coulrophobia when we were kids. After watching 'It', I totally held this eerily lifelike clown needlepoint that someone had given us over her bed until she woke up in the morning. The reaction -- priceless!

What's up with the coulrophobia anyway? Is it just from scary experiences with them, or is it one of those things where they're human-like, but not...like zombies and animatronic robots?

Today I was wondering what was going on with Days, and that's how I happened upon Sami being threatened by the clown. Like, I innocently flipped into the middle of the scene. I verbalized an "Oh my GOD!", watched for five seconds, then changed the channel. It was too much for me. But not because I'm afraid of clowns, but because it was just ridiculous.

I hate clowns too. I was so freaked out during todays episode! I thought it was well acted on Thaao's part, when Andre wasn't talking he made me very uncomfortable!

Oh my gosh. Can I read this on our podcast this week (with full credit, of course)? You summed up my feelings PERFECTLY and in a much funnier way.

Lisa, you most certainly can! That would actually make my week:) Thanks!

I am, as always, thrilled to see other clown haters out there.

smirks, you're totally evil, I hope you're aware. I've hated clowns for as long as I can remember. The circus traumatized me and a clown once forced me to play ring around the rosie when I was a toddler, so I've always been wary of them. And then Stephen King wrote "IT" and confirmed my fears. That book spent some quality time in the freezer...

I hate clowns! So, those scenes were awesomely scary. Like, Tim Curry in "It" scary. Really, really freaky and scary. Days hasn't scared me on purpose in well, ever. So, Good for days for accomplishing that.

Mallory, I have to say I thought of you instantly when I witnessed the horror that was that episode yesterday, purely based on your hilarious clown recap of that Night Shift episode. I have to say that, based on your recap of NS, that was the first episode I sat down and watched. It will also be the last, but I digress. I'm afraid I don't share your fear of clowns. I find them more annoying than fearful, but I feel your pain!

Oh, and the book in the freezer? I've never been able to decide what was more hilarious: "Oh yeah, well, Beth dies!" or Rachel helping Joey put Little Women in the freezer at the end. Hee!

I am so glad you wrote about this--I have no problem with clowns and even I was so completely creeped/grossed out by the Andre the Clown scenes that I could barely watch them in fast forward! Maybe part of the problem was that clown makeup looked seriously bizarre on Thaao.

But even aside from the creepiness, part of why I couldn't watch those scenes was because they made me so angry! For a long time it has been annoying me how stupidly ridiculous and inept Days makes Andre and the whole Dimera crew. How are we supposed to buy Andre as a credible villain when he's lurking around in absurd drag or clown costumes all the time?

Bart and Dr. Rolf are bad enough--i.e., they're supposed to be terrible villains but they can't manage to kill anybody and make asses of themselves all the time, but now that Bart is gone, Andre is making up for the lack of that assiness by raiding some costume shop (apparently THAT'S where he's hiding, no wonder the Salem PD can't find him), and dressing so far as a nun, a woman in the spa (made mildly entertaining by the fact that the woman playing the spa employee looked more like a man in drag than Andre), a clown, and at the end of the episode, Mrs. Doubtfire??? Honestly, I'm all for camp and comic relief, but I'm not sure your villain is supposed to be the one providing the supposed comic relief.

We're approaching possessed Marlena levels of ridiculousness here, and it makes me think of your question of the other day--how to fix Days in one sentence? Kill off Andre (and make him STAY dead this time)!!

Mallory, I am totally aware of my evilness, and I swear that was the only time I ever did anything of the sort to my sister. And this was after she ruined my Etch-a-Sketch AND defiled my Cabbage Patch Kids doll. I love that the book spent time in your freezer though.

LOL. I thought Andre-as-clown was a 1000 ways awesome, scary, and absolutely fantastic. It'll be hard to top that.

Clowndre, as he was dubbed on TWOP by someone a lot smarter than me, was all sorts of awesome. I, too, thought of you after the NS recap, which also horrified me. All clowns need to go away...but Thaao was awesomely freaky I must say.

Agree, Andre the clown is completely ridiculous. But to commenter Nicole - one of the (many many) differences between "possessed Marlena" and "Clowndre" (love that) is that "possessed Marlena" brought in HUGE ratings, but the ratings for "Clowndre" are terrible. So, I'd come to a different conclusion. Rather than "kill off Andre", I'd go with "fire Sheffer."

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