Be It Resolved . . .
For the first time in its history, the House of Serial Drama Representatives deems it necessary to pass a measure to commemorate a significant, blog-altering event. Specifically, the following resolution serves as formal notice that "hotly" has left the building.
In the House of Serial Drama Representatives
Whereas, in the past he has demonstrated a wide range of behavior done hotly, including:
and hotly in sync
Whereas, he in fact did everything so hotly that a permanent "hotly" modifier was deemed necessary and appropriate, and used almost constantly,
Whereas, however, his behavior has recently shifted in the exact opposite direction of hotly,
Whereas, he implied that his girlfriend needed a boob job,
Whereas, he appeared naked in a shower only once during a 13-week stint on the night shift,
Whereas, he inappropriately flirted with an incompetent and poorly-coiffed student nurse while still involved in a serious relationship with Dr. Robin Scorpio,
Whereas, he was irrationally pissy about Robin bonding with a baby born to an HIV-positive mother and made no effort to understand her motivations (some of which admittedly may have been of The Crazy),
Whereas, he continues to be friends with Carly,
Whereas, he used the phrases "biological clock" and "walking hormone" as insults during an argument with his girlfriend,
Whereas, depending on the universe in which you operate, he either immediately started sleeping with his coworker he'd been flirting with for weeks after breaking up with his girlfriend, or immediately started dating that coworker after he and his girlfriend broke up,
Whereas, he used unbearably cheesy lines and then had uber-awkward sex in his workplace,
Whereas, he has spent criminally little time shirtless of late,
Whereas, he blamed his girlfriend for their breakup by saying she was unavailable and excused his own flirtation with a coworker,
Whereas, he backslid to assholish, commitment-phobic behavior faster than Lindsay Lohan strikes up an inappropriate romantic relationship,
Whereas, he has apparently lost his ability to banter,
Whereas, he has reverted to proudly saying things like "If you're looking for uncomplicated, I'm your guy,"
Whereas, despite claiming that he's totally over his breakup with Robin, he continues to meddle in her life,
BE IT RESOLVED, therefore, that Dr. Patrick Drake's "hotly" modifier is permanently revoked.
BE IT ALSO RESOLVED, however, that Jason Thompson could still hit it anytime, especially on weekends and holidays.
Resolved this 18th day of October, 2007.
Most screencaps courtesy of Clarissa.