Death by Embarrassment
I...just had a traumatic experience.
I am profoundly ashamed. Of myself. Of Robin Scorpio. Of the GH "writers". Of Al Gore for inventing the internet. Of my parents for teaching me how to read. And so on.
I did something I NEVER do, which is read Dr. Robin Scorpio's blog. I NEVER read it. Ever! I am a firm believer that I shouldn't have to go online to figure out what's going on in Port Charles, because things like "character development" and "plot" should, I don't know, happen ONSCREEN where all of the viewers could see it. Like, when Robert was in town (remember Robert? Robin's father, who was a hero and not at all the deadbeat dad the writers tried to portray him as? It's like a hazy memory, but I vaguely recall him being awesome squared) and we heard about it occasionally on the blog, in lieu of seeing it on the show? Or how much of Robin and Patrick's courtship played out on the blog. And Mac pretty much exists solely on the blog. So I figured that maybe her blog would give me some perspective on her quest to have a child with any man in Port Charles willing to give her sperm.
Honestly, I should have just written a fanfic where Robin has a passionate affair with, like, Harry Potter. It would have been better written, and made more sense.
I’ve finally found someone to father my baby, and he couldn’t be more enthusiastic. Damien Spinelli is the perfect genetic match. He’s youthful, kind, compassionate, loyal, and a technical genius. In fact, he possesses all the ideal qualities that I’d like my child to inherit. As soon as I proposed the idea to Spinelli, he jumped at the opportunity to participate. I’ve always wanted my baby’s father to be someone I trust and admire, and Spinelli is that guy. Now that the search is over, I can relax and focus on the next step.
Stop it, Robin. Do not pass GO, Do not collect $200. Check yourself into Shadybrook. Seriously, does Robin have the same mental illness that Greenlee does? Because that's the only explanation for that.
I think it needs to be dissected one line at a time.
I’ve finally found someone to father my baby...
"Finally"? It takes longer for me to buy a pair of boots!
...and he couldn’t be more enthusiastic.
That's because he's insane, Robin. And he's a maladjusted weirdo who has stalkerish tendencies when it comes to babies. Don't come to me complaining when you find tiny cameras hidden all over your apartment after the baby is born. I mean, I know you're fictional and so can't come complaining to me, but you know what I mean!
Damien Spinelli is the perfect genetic match.
Girl, you better hope that hair isn't hereditary.
He’s youthful, kind, compassionate, loyal, and a technical genius.
He also (1) smoke(s/d) a lot of pot (did they ever mention that again after the brief, hilarious span of time when Alexis got stoned?) (2) loves the mob (3) never shuts up (4) told a hitman he's inspired by said hitman's ability to put aside his secret pain in order to go kill people and (5)types with two fingers. Also, you barely know him.
In fact, he possesses all the ideal qualities that I’d like my child to inherit.
Clearly, social skills and fashion sense are not important in Robin's world.
As soon as I proposed the idea to Spinelli, he jumped at the opportunity to participate.
Obviously! He has nothing else going on in his life. He spent thirteen horrific weeks hanging out at the hospital during the night shift. "Father your child? Okay, let me check my schedule...nope, I'm free every day until next forever, just let me know when you want me to make my deposit".
I’ve always wanted my baby’s father to be someone I trust and admire, and Spinelli is that guy.
PEOPLE ROBIN SCORPIO SHOULD TRUST AND ADMIRE MORE THAN SPINELLI:
- Dr. Leo Julian
- Dr. Andy Archer
- The sleazy mayor
- Johnny Zacchara
- Billy Dee Williams
- The guy who works the front desk at the Metro Court
- Random Kelly's Patron #12
- Casey the Alien
- Kevin Federline
...this effing blog. This effing show. I hate everything about it.