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« The Green Butterfly Has Lost Her Damn Fool Mind | Main | Our Long National Follicular Nightmare »

October 24, 2007

Death by Embarrassment

I...just had a traumatic experience.

I am profoundly ashamed. Of myself. Of Robin Scorpio. Of the GH "writers". Of Al Gore for inventing the internet. Of my parents for teaching me how to read. And so on.

I did something I NEVER do, which is read Dr. Robin Scorpio's blog. I NEVER read it. Ever! I am a firm believer that I shouldn't have to go online to figure out what's going on in Port Charles, because things like "character development" and "plot" should, I don't know, happen ONSCREEN where all of the viewers could see it. Like, when Robert was in town (remember Robert? Robin's father, who was a hero and not at all the deadbeat dad the writers tried to portray him as? It's like a hazy memory, but I vaguely recall him being awesome squared) and we heard about it occasionally on the blog, in lieu of seeing it on the show? Or how much of Robin and Patrick's courtship played out on the blog. And Mac pretty much exists solely on the blog. So I figured that maybe her blog would give me some perspective on her quest to have a child with any man in Port Charles willing to give her sperm.

Honestly, I should have just written a fanfic where Robin has a passionate affair with, like, Harry Potter. It would have been better written, and made more sense.

I’ve finally found someone to father my baby, and he couldn’t be more enthusiastic.  Damien Spinelli is the perfect genetic match.  He’s youthful, kind, compassionate, loyal, and a technical genius.  In fact, he possesses all the ideal qualities that I’d like my child to inherit.  As soon as I proposed the idea to Spinelli, he jumped at the opportunity to participate.  I’ve always wanted my baby’s father to be someone I trust and admire, and Spinelli is that guy.  Now that the search is over, I can relax and focus on the next step.

Stop it, Robin. Do not pass GO, Do not collect $200. Check yourself into Shadybrook. Seriously, does Robin have the same mental illness that Greenlee does? Because that's the only explanation for that.

I think it needs to be dissected one line at a time.

I’ve finally found someone to father my baby...

"Finally"? It takes longer for me to buy a pair of boots!

...and he couldn’t be more enthusiastic.

 

That's because he's insane, Robin. And he's a maladjusted weirdo who has stalkerish tendencies when it comes to babies. Don't come to me complaining when you find tiny cameras hidden all over your apartment after the baby is born. I mean, I know you're fictional and so can't come complaining to me, but you know what I mean!

Damien Spinelli is the perfect genetic match.

Girl, you better hope that hair isn't hereditary.

Spinellihair_2

He’s youthful, kind, compassionate, loyal, and a technical genius.

He also (1) smoke(s/d) a lot of pot (did they ever mention that again after the brief, hilarious span of time when Alexis got stoned?) (2) loves the mob (3) never shuts up (4) told a hitman he's inspired by said hitman's ability to put aside his secret pain in order to go kill people and (5)types with two fingers. Also, you barely know him. 

In fact, he possesses all the ideal qualities that I’d like my child to inherit. 

Clearly, social skills and fashion sense are not important in Robin's world.

As soon as I proposed the idea to Spinelli, he jumped at the opportunity to participate. 

Obviously! He has nothing else going on in his life. He spent thirteen horrific weeks hanging out at the hospital during the night shift. "Father your child? Okay, let me check my schedule...nope, I'm free every day until next forever, just let me know when you want me to make my deposit".

I’ve always wanted my baby’s father to be someone I trust and admire, and Spinelli is that guy. 

PEOPLE ROBIN SCORPIO SHOULD TRUST AND ADMIRE MORE THAN SPINELLI:

  • Dr. Leo Julian
  • Dr. Andy Archer
  • Jason
  • Nikolas
  • Alfred
  • Ric
  • The sleazy mayor
  • Logan
  • Coop
  • Max
  • Milo
  • Johnny Zacchara
  • Cruz
  • Dillon
  • Billy Dee Williams
  • The guy who works the front desk at the Metro Court
  • Mike
  • Random Kelly's Patron #12
  • Casey the Alien
  • Kevin Federline

...this effing blog. This effing show. I hate everything about it.

Comments

having a baby with spinelli just leaves robin out in the cold, outside of any of the "major" happenings on the show. they've yanked her out of a popular couple, turned her into a rabid, neurotic mess and her former love interest into a jackass. instead of trying to give her a real story, with real connections to other solid characters on the show, they're going to impregnate her with the sorry seed of spinelli, a character most of us don't miss when he's not on screen. they may as well send her back to paris.

You forgot Coleman of men on your list of people that Robin should trust more than Spinelli. And he has good hair and is sexy as all get out. Come to think of it, why hasn't Kelly "Ms. Sex Addition" slept with Coleman? Heck, I would ask Jerry Jacks to father my child before Spinelli, even if he did shoot Robin.

Hilarious commentary. Robin has become a total joke.

Okay, I love Spinelli, but this was one of the funniest things I have read in a very long time.

I laughed so hard, my chest started to hurt.

Thank you!

Casey the Alien. Casey. The. Alien. I will be 100 years old and any reference to Casey will make me laugh hysterically. In fact, I think I may have broken something I was laughing so hard.

I have come to the conclusion that the only person less suitable than the ones on Robin's list is, in fact, Faison.

I also llike the Spinelli character--as originally presented and enacted until the last coupla months--but I agree wholeheartedly with the gist of your rant!

I can imagine the dear, proud Papa Robert delivering stinging jibes to Anna, Robin, Luke, et al, about Spinelli as father of his grandchild via anti-romantic, de-personalizing, clinical means. What a contrast between the passionate Scorpio-Devane romance that lead to Robin's own birth....

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