General Hospital Week in Review
If it weren't for the one good thing that happened this week, you would have been subjected to an approximately three-paragraphs long rant about how just when I think this show can't get any more boring and creatively bankrupt, it finds new ways to slow down and be even more derivative. But this week, exactly one truly good thing happened on General Hospital: Luke came back to town! Tony Geary's semi-annual extended vacay is over -- let us rejoice and try to forget that virtually every other aspect of this show is in the crapper.
Luke and Tracy scenes!
Luke and Scott scenes!
. . . including Luke punching Scott!
Luke yelling at Nikolas!
(Actually, as much as I like Luke, bitching to Nikolas that Nik didn't do enough to keep Lulu away from Logan when 1) Lulu is an adult, and 2) Luke's parental ass was out of town for about 16 months, was pretty ridiculous. But whatever: Luke!)
Luke heading to Logan's to tell him what-for!
And Lulu realizing her dad is back in town!
Plus hilarious Tracy and Scotty scenes!
Okay, that last one had nothing to do with Luke, but it's the only other thing I liked this week, so I thought I might as well attribute it to him.
If they really are considered another season of Night Shift (someday, I'll be able to type that phrase without convulsing), I am putting in my request that 95% of it be Luke, Tracy, and Scott. Throw in Laura and you've got the best quadrangle this show has had probably ever. They would be out of place in the Night Shift Alternative Universe Except Not, though, because I'm reasonably certain none of them would leave a woman in labor alone in an elevator, kidnap a baby, become a sex addict, or, you know, kill strangers for money. Or if they did any of those things, they'd make them funny.
Was I supposed to think it was noble that Kate turned down Sonny's offer to give her the money to start a new magazine? Because I didn't. You don't get to sleep with a mobster, spend time at his house, eat his food, and accept his gifts but then turn around and take the high road. I would rant about this some more, but Sonny made a great Nancy Drew reference early in the week, so I feel obligated to move along.
Oh, also, random side note based on their scenes this week: I have decided I want Kate and Jax to get together. Which means it will never happen, but a girl has to have something to think about while she fast-forwards.
Mike to Lulu: I know that you have a lot going on, but you're sending out a lot of mixed signals here. Not that I mind seeing Logan suffer, but if you're really serious about moving on, you should probably stop staring at the guy.
Here's a sentence I rarely have use for: Well done, father of Sonny and Courtney!
I am totally confused, though, by how they wrote this deal between Lulu and Scott. She immediately told Logan that the only reason she's taking him back is because she told Scott she would, in exchange for his turning guardianship of Laura back to Nikolas (when Scott never should have had it in the first f'ing place, not that I'm still stuck on that). Where is the soapiness in that? Shouldn't she have kept that from him -- in fact, shouldn't Scott have made that part of the deal -- so that there was another secret between them that would ultimately have to come to light, and so that she'd have an internal struggle about how she felt and what she told Logan? Basically, is there any single aspect of this potentially great pairing that these idiot writers are actually going to get right?
Don't answer that. I don't need another reason to drink.
Just so I'm clear, people can spy on you through your cell phone's camera?
And crappy cell-phone images of a married couple having sex -- with each other! -- are blackmail material?
And are turned over by the blackmailer to a TV show called Everyday Heroes?
What the hell?!
Oh, "yippee," the story of Cody and Lainey has metastasized from Night Shift to regular GH.
It's a classic story of boy meets girl, boy attempts violent crime against girl, boy intimidates girl into giving him drugs, girl agrees to have coffee with boy despite his threatened physical violence and PTSD, boy meets and bonds with girl's sick father, boy helps hitman/janitor rough up some thugs in hospital, girl opens up to boy about girl's sick father, evil hospital administrator tries to kick girl's sick father out on the street, inexplicably assholish formerly hot doctor performs secret surgery on girl's father, girl's father's condition worsens, girl agonizes over father on life support, boy kills girl's sick father.
This show is so, so fucked up.
I'm still not wild about the cut, but Natalia Livingston's hair color is much better this week.
Though I just noticed that her posture could be better
Substance-wise, I'm oddly optimistic about the ball at Wyndemere that Nikolas and Emily are planning. I love a big event with fancy clothes and cast integration, and since the Nurses' Ball disappeared, Port Charles has been mostly gala-free. Somehow I think not everything will go as planned at this particular gathering, though. It helps that I have watched a soap opera before.
Beyond just "why is she?," I have questions about Leyla.
Why does she tease her hair, particularly in casual settings?
Who DOES that?
Why is she wearing a prom dress to dinner, and why is she bringing a very large burrito to a nice restaurant?
How is it possible to make flirting with Patrick seem like a chore?
And how long do I have to sit through this before the writers either put Robin and Patrick back together, or put Patrick with someone with whom Jason Thompson actually has chemistry?
So not only did the Night Shift infestation continue, but in yet another example of how totally out of touch the showrunners are with viewers, they've brought on yet another Night Shift-associated character, Nadine (sister of Jolene, serial killer/Spinelli de-flowerer), as if what's really missing from GH is poorly-written supporting characters with virtually no ties to the canvas.
The character annoyed me within .5 seconds, and I'm sorry, the actress is terrible. I've seen vinyl "Coach" handbags being sold out of a suitcase on the street in New York City that are more authentic and convincing.
I still can't bring myself to go into the substance of this list in any more depth, but
at some point, can we discuss why Robin has the penmanship of a six-year-old?
Hey, you know what's better than having to fasten a ponytail as you tend to a critically ill patient?
And better than going to a high-end bar sporting the style from my sixth grade school photo?
CUTTING YOUR GODDAMNED HAIR.
Leo is one of the only characters I was glad to see move over from Night Shift, and Dominic Rains could be smokin' hot, but I absolutely cannot take seriously a guy whose grooming routine includes Goody products.
Screencaps courtesy of Clarissa.