General Hospital Week in Review
Oh show, why do you suck so?
How boring is General Hospital right now? Why, with this cast and history, isn't this the best soap on daytime? Oh, right, the writing. I bet you wouldn't think that if you could watch the show on your Blackberry, though!
Let's start off with the dumbest thing that happened this week, the clunky attempt to integrate Night Shift storylines back into OG GH. I thought Night Shift was supposed to have stand-alone episodes? I thought it was supposed to be an "alternate universe" that wouldn't cross over to regular GH? I thought the showrunners had decided it wasn't possible to integrate the two shows? And most importantly, I thought we were rid of this horribly crappy spin-off?!
Friday's episode would have made no sense to someone who didn't watch Night Shift, right? And the majority of General Hospital viewers actually didn't watch Night Shift, right? How would someone who only subjects themselves to regular GH have known (or cared):
- why Cody was in jail?
- why Dr. Julian is limping?
- what Epiphany is talking about re: exploding ambulances, pulling plugs, switching meds, and shoot-outs?
- why Kelly was freaking out about a couple of teenagers being schmoopy, or why she's in sex addition therapy
- that Andy has a drug addiction?
- why Jolene is the "angel of death" or how she got shot?
And on Night Shift, Leyla and Patrick have been sleeping together for weeks and Robin knows it, but on GH it's big news that they're going on a date, and Robin is upset about it? Plus:
Leyla to Robin: [Y]ou don’t get to belittle me just because your boyfriend broke up with you.
What? Didn't I see GH Robin break up with GH Patrick, not the other way around?
Liz: How happy are you to be done with night shift duty?
Robin: Let me count the ways. Unfortunately, the after effects still linger.
How deliciously meta.
I would have preferred a Dirty-Dancing-esque, "This is my dance space, this is your dance space" approach to the two shows. I call foul on the spaghetti arms! And I am totally okay with putting Night Shift in a corner. Uh, this comparison is getting away from me, so let me just sum up by saying that say what you will about GH, it is perfectly capable of not living up to its potential without an assist from another, even more disappointing, soap.
This week, a DNA test confirmed that Scott is Logan's father.
Well knock me over with a feather.
Despite fantastic casting, the writers managed to drain this reveal of any drama whatsoever by speeding through the paternity issue at the same breakneck speed they did Logan and Lulu's "relationship." So...meh. It was good to see Kin Shriner, and nice to hear Scott finally mention Serena, but there had better be a new and interesting twist to this storyline, soon.
So, since the only way most of this show's writers know how to deal with a strong, independent woman is to have her yell at people a lot, and because grown-ups maturely deciding to end their marriage has no place in soapdom, we have the manufactured acrimony of Liz and Lucky's divorce.
Siiiigh. And once again, I have seen TV shows about lawyers before, so I know that it's ridiculous that Lucky was objecting to who Liz chose for a lawyer as if it was anything he could control, and vice versa. I mean, really. So, so stupid.
Alexis and Diane's shared disdain for Sonny, however, is amusing.
Why can't they be friends? Alexis only gets to be friends with her ex-husbands, is that the rule? God.
Oh, and if they want to convince me that Diane is this worked up over not getting a couture gown,
they are going to have to at least occasionally put her in an outfit that approaches fashionable.
I do still enjoy Diane (though I think they could cut back her scenes a bit), especially that she takes Sonny and Spinelli to task.
Spinelli: Begging your pardon, I come bearing news of a disturbing nature regarding the Valkyrie.
Diane: You see, just one sentence, and I have a headache.
You and me both, sister.
Could the Carly Texting Caper have been lamer?
Please let Tony Geary's vacation end soon, so that someone else can play Lulu's familial savior. Please. Or better yet, how about they write Lulu like an actual adult, and as a bonus one who doesn't want to be just like her cousin Carly? I know it's asking a lot, but I put up with a lot! One of my requests should occasionally be granted!
As for Jax and Carly, is this what their storyline is going to be now, Jax running around chasing after Carly as she does one increasingly boneheaded thing after another? Great, can't wait.
Although I do like how Jax is the latest addition to the growing list of other characters who think Spinelli is a pain in the ass. I hope this means the writers have realized both that Spinelli is a ridiculous caricature and that the show was dooming poor Bradford Anderson to a lifetime of typecasting, and will start writing him like a more normal human being.
I'm delaying judgment on the Nikolas-as-rageaholic storyline. It could get pretty interesting. The tie-in to the poison from Jerry is proof that at least one writer (Awesome Writer, perhaps?) remembers what happened a few months ago, and is not trying to sell Jerry as a redeemed good guy with romantic lead prospects, so for those reasons alone I'll be generous for a while. Plus Tyler Christopher had gotten back-burnered for so long that he was due for something meaty to do. This new plot has already given him the opportunity to launch unsuspecting glassware at someone (and use the phrase "throwing barware"!), so clearly he's on track to be the show's next major leading man.
I can't remember having this many hair-related opinions at once since a few years ago when that "bed hair" trend hit red carpets everywhere.
I like Kirsten Storms' new color, and what is either a new cut or an old cut that the new color improved
I can't find a screencap, but it looked super cute on Friday, flipped out and with a bit more lift at the roots. And Kirsten is looking healthier, which is great. (Oh, speaking of Maxie, Cooper was on-screen for about five minutes total this week. Why are they depriving us of Jason Gerhardt's gorgeousness? Particularly in a week that was also almost entirely Jason Thompson-less? It's so unfair.)
And that's all I've got on the positive side. I don't know whether the in-house hair stylists are cutting and coloring most of the younger actresses' hair, or whether they're all friends and share a salon, but I have several bones to pick about the choices.
I adore Kimberly McCullough, but I might have to adjust that sentiment if it turns out she has some kind of moral objection to semi-permanent color.
We've all done the grow-out thing, but the idea is not to make it look like that's what you're doing. This is inching towards sixth-season-Dawson's-Creek-Katie-Holmes-ian territory, and that is truly worrisome. I think she can pull off either the dark brown or the more reddish color, but she needs to pick one. I guess we should be happy that they're not doing to her on OG GH whatever it was they were doing to her hair on Night Shift, but I think we can all agree that "at least it's not as bad as Night Shift" is, in any context, damning with faint praise.
Natalia Livingston is so pretty, but her hair is doing her no favors.
Overall, it's too long -- it overpowers her thin frame and face, and the length pulls all the volume out of it. And the front layers, if that's what those are, fall in the wrong places. Plus the color washes her out, and her highlights look like they're out of a DIY box. Attention needed stat, Dr. Quartermaine. You completed med school in 47 minutes, you can totally fix this.
Our opinion that Becky Herbst is spectacularly gorgeous with glorious hair is well-established around here. But lately her hair seems much lighter, and I do not approve.
She has such flawless porcelain skin, she can pull off the deep, dark brunette that I think (based on her early years on the show) is her natural color. I think it's more flattering than this highlighted version.
And yes, before you send the hate emails, I am perfect, with hair that is beyond reproach. I'm really lucky like that.
God help me, I kind of liked Kate and Sonny’s conversation early in the week. The actors really do work well together. And now in addition to her hair, I also envy the fictional but fabulous Kate Howard's ginormous silver ring
But then we got more proof that Kate is just the latest sacrifice at the Altar of Sonny's Awesomeness. This time, set to a Robin Thicke soundtrack. This show can afford a hit song that's still on the charts but not a decent suit for Diane?
There was this one especially weird moment where I swear it looked like Sonny was going to go all Lethal Weapon on Kate and snap her neck in half.
Carly: You’re wasting my time. I have some place to be, and I don’t tell Jason what to do.
Tracy: You tell everybody what to do!
I love Tracy Quartermaine, truly I do. Some of her best moments come from schooling Carly, something more Port Charles residents should do far more often.
Where's a good strong gust of wind when you need it?
Screencaps courtesy of Clarissa.